Saturday, January 31, 2009

Happy with myself.

It feels good to be back in health. I ran today,finally, after four days. I enjoyed sweating for reasons other than a 102 degree fever. Anyway, today was a good day. Ian and I made it our mission to eat somewhere unique to LA. Naturally we ended up at a Mexican joint that I couldn't pronounce, but the food was extremely good, or muy bueno. When Ian and I got back to the apartment we realized something that makes me feel pretty stupid; I lost the key to our apartment. Now, I am generally pretty organized- I don't lose things. After searching the apartment high and low it was very clear that the key, indeed, IS lost. I hope it doesn't cost too much money to replace, because this next story isn't so easily solved.

Being that today is the first day I feel healthy, I wanted to spend it down by the pool. I tied my bathing suit strings and headed down to the pool (see picture in earlier post) and soaked up the sun. As the sunset and I began to cool off, I thought "what better time to enjoy the hot tub." After an incredibly HOT 10 minutes I decided to head back up to the apartment. Without thinking I yanked my towel towards me, only tossing my cell phone right into the hot tub at the same tame. Now, I know this sounds completely reckless, but it was an honest mistake. With the key and the phone on my list of stupid things, I am starting to believe that I am losing part of my mind. I was happy with myself though, instead of having a complete breakdown, I stayed positive and am logically figuring out what to do. I looked it up and it will cost me $300.00 to replace, YIKES! As I work on "plan B" don't expect too many pictures in my upcoming posts.

With this new streak of bad luck and my slight home sickness, I've found comfort in something that totally neglects my health consciousness. I have completely found satisfaction in milkshakes. I will stop resorting to dairy products to make myself feel better, but it has been nice indulging (I'll continue to blame my flu).

As I sit here after a good run, I will make way to the shower. I will end tonight with a bag of baby carrots and a good movie; back to my old ways. If you are a reader who normally calls me, don't, my phone is extremely relaxed after an afternoon in the jacuzzi. Now, I wish I was resting as much as my phone is, however, that is not the case. Feel free to e-mail me.

Friday, January 30, 2009

A chocolate milkshake.

Today was a pretty great day. It started off with an old friend and a new friend: The Bev's. Lucky for me, the Bev's went out of their way to meet me for breakfast this morning. It was a great boost of positive energy and good fun. I was feeling better this morning, and they only helped...not to mention the all you can eat pancakes! Mmm. I enjoy their spirit and hunger for life.

On my walk home today I took a different route home. I saw the Los Angeles Public Library and all of its landscaping. I was in awe, because it seemed as though the world was separate from everything else in LA. Here are the photos.

I'm a grouch today. I'm happy, but a grouch. I want a chocolate milkshake, an old friend (who has been an awful friend), and my parents.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Back to the days of innocence.

Today I woke up much more refreshed than the past four days have been. I still had a few symptoms, but they grew very small. With my new energy, I knew what I HAD to do: CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN. I had to disinfect the apartment. The last thing I wanted was for my roommates to catch any glimpse of my ailment. So I spent the morning with my Clorox disinfecting wipes wiping down everything I touched. I felt better and the apartment seemed better, and then my roommate walked in. I think my greeting was (humorously, of course) "Nick I am going to kill you." I instantly knew that I was too late with my disinfecting. Being that I've sailed the sea, I laid out a map of all my advice as to how to overcome this sickness. Rightfully so, he was a bit frustrated with me, but he took my advice and has been sleeping all day. I miss my last four days of constant sleeping (hence my lack of blogging).

You may be wondering where I am going with this story, so here is the punchline. As the sun set, my fever rose. I feel extremely better than yesterday, but I am no longer feeling GREAT. I think I took my health for granted, and wore my body out. I am confident that after one more night of medicine, I will conquer this beast.

Above the feeling lousy, and not being able to move, the thing I hate the MOST about being sick is how homeSICK it makes me. There is nothing like the memories of what your family does for you when you are feeling ill. I remember being little and having my dad stay home with me for a day. He would sit with me all day and watch TV and do whatever it took to make me feel better. I remember feeling almost 50% better just creeping down the stairs knowing that him and I would spend the day together. Then, my mom came home. She had every trick in the book to make me feel better. She would half-freeze ginger ale and feed it to me ona spoon. She would then let me lay my head on her lap and she would rub my head until I fell asleep. There is nothing like being little. So I've decided that I am not literally homesick, rather I am age sick. I miss being little, when mom and dad were the most comforting people in the world. This reminds me of a poem I wrote, back when I was little.

Little Boy
Back to the days of innocence, a child having fun.
When mommy was the one you loved, and your problem count was none.
Entertainment wasn't hard to find, just playing with your dad.
Now the only thing you share together, is remembering what you had.
When they were your best friends, who wanted nothing more,
than to see your smiling face, and a big hug at the door.
Hearts didn't break at the lack of love, but at the breaking of a toy.
Laughter came so easy, when I was a little boy.

Now, I realize how CHEESY that is, but I enjoy that the idea that I expressed many, many years ago is still relevant today.

Just as I took my health for granted today, I feel that I have taken my parents for granted my entire life.

Along with parents come delicious meals. I would love to have my mom's home cooked meals, any of them. Even the ones that I spent 20 years complaining about. If I had the funds, I would fly home right now and make a solid effort to show my parents how much I genuinely appreciate them. Clearly, I am in an emotional mood tonight.

Mom and Dad, I love you.

Now, my head is pounding, American Idol is over, and I am extremely tired. Apparently LA is so wild, that 9:00PM is a regular bed time.

Monday, January 26, 2009

All I can really do.

Last night I woke up with the flu. I was hallucinating, I had the chills, and my entire body was aching terribly. While I do feel slightly better now, I am so exhausted I could collapse at any moment. I wish I had the motivation to write something more in depth, but frankly, I don't. All I can really do as of now is sit here and stare at the TV just long enough before it starts to make my head hurt more. I don't want to come off like I am complaining, I just want to excuse this post.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The process.

I talk about it frequently, but sharing is one of the best parts of being alive. I've said before that we don't all have many things to share, but we all have something. I was excited to share a meal with my friends tonight. I will continue, everyday, to share anything I can. A smile to a stranger, a meal to a friend, a shoulder to someone hurt, or an ear to someone who needs to be listened to. All we have is the ability to help others. One crucial way to help is to share. I hope that in your times of triumph, you find it in your heart to share something.

Today's word is going to be unconscionable. If we are unconscionable, we supersede our ability to share.

As my life keeps progressing out here, I find the demand for money greater than ever. I need grocery, rent, gas, and living money. While I am proud to earn money, I hate money. I am completely happy with how everything in my life is going. There aren't many things that cause me to be stressed or unhappy, until I view my bank account. My bank account doesn't make me unhappy because of how empty it is, or because I don't have everything I want- it makes me unhappy because it determines so much. Nonetheless, I smile everyday, as I am the happiest I have ever been. The key to this idea is that I don't need material things to be happy. While I appreciate looking nice and using nice things, I find that I smile bigger when doing something deeper than luxury. When I post to 'Onward Bound', when I run, when I sing, when I dance, when I pursue life's simple gifts I am my happiest. This doesn't mean I will discontinue working hard, because I still would love nice things, but I won't be so distraught along the way. I will find contentment with life's finer things, but I will find happiness in that in which I cannot take with me when I leave my life behind.

The difference between this move from my last is really a great one. Despite the obvious differences, I find that I am keeping in touch with people much more efficiently. I thought this was because my phone is much nicer now, but I realized what it really is: I appreciate the value of a person so much more than I once did. I opened my eyes to the fact that, although I appreciate many things I do, I cannot cover all the bases of life. I am genuinely excited to learn from each person I come into contact with. I have learned crucial lessons from relationships with people from 5 to 90. Whether it is my little cousin proving to me that age is just a number, or my great grandmother teaching me the importance of fulfilling responsibility with my utmost conviction, I have learned such a variety of ideals. I could not even fathom what I wouldn't know if it weren't for my paying attention to what others say. In every encounter, make a point to genuinely listen.

As an entertainer, I am constantly tuned into what sparks people's emotions. Being that I like to encourage smiles, I have focused extremely hard on what makes the people I know laugh. More than ever, I am working on being versatile in communication. I want to understand what each person I know enjoys, and be able to fulfill this emotion no matter who I am talking to. Today I made a family member laugh that I generally can't; I took this as proof that my focus is effective.

As individuals, we all have our own opinions as to what a good experience entails. For some a quiet evening in is the best, and for others a wild night on the town will suffice. Whatever the ingredient to a good experience is, we all have the right to enjoy the taste of our own happiness. I choose to spend my day 'cooking' positive and new experiences. While I enjoy making myself happy, I love to share happiness with others. Two very important people in my life are my two roommates. Tonight, being that we are all away from our families, I wanted us to enjoy a home-cooked meal; something other than frozen chicken breast and cheese. I find that there is nothing more comforting than food. I wanted us all to feel a bit of comfort tonight, as we continue to build our lives in Los Angeles. As I sit here writing this, I am digesting what I consider a very delicious meal. I'm happy that me and my friends are well fed and happy. Tonight on the menu:


Goat cheese melted on top of baked tomatoes, zucchini and garlic served on lightly toasted Italian bread.

A tall glass of red wine mixed with ginger ale
Main Meal

Breaded, boneless pork-chops served with mashed potatoes and a delicious vegetable medley (broccoli, cauliflower and carrots).

Vanilla ice cream served on top of warm apple pie.

Looks great, eh? I am proud to the creator of this delicious meal.

As I promised you and myself, I was going to take some new pictures and share! Today's activity got past me, so I created one last minute. I chose today to photograph my cooking adventures. The above pictures were the final product, but the process was just as great! With all things in life, the beauty isn't the outcome, but the process. Enjoy these pictures from cooking dinner tonight!

As today becomes darker by the minute, I am going to enjoy a movie night with my well fed roommates. I hope that you all find comfort and passion in the days to come!

Moving onward,
Nick James.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Please laugh a lot.

I once read a book because someone suggested that I was not intelligent enough to follow its story. I once changed the way I dressed because someone told me I didn't fit in well enough. I once gave up a hobby because someone told me it wasn't a normal hobby. I once stopped following my own advice because someone suggested I offered faulty tips. I once realized that the several "someones" I mentioned above were, at a time, too good of friends to have wanted to change me so much. I stand proudly today as a self-directed individual. I hope the same for everyone. Be who you are and do so proudly. It struck me today, while pondering on some past times, that I used to allow people to abuse their powers with me. I used to allow them to make me feel stupid, and like an outcast. I'm glad these people no longer sway who I am, for they are no longer part of who I am, at all.

I think that some of life's greatest gifts are the moments in which an individual is forced to feel humble. While I will always be confident in my talents, today was a very important day for me. I walked into an audition with the highest of hopes. I put all of my concentration and effort into this audition, just as I would any endeavor. I was confident through the entire audition. While standing in my confidence (I don't mean cockiness) I looked around and saw 200 people with the same smile on their faces. While I was never the biggest fish in the sea, I always knew I had something to offer. In the land of show business, I have went from a medium sized fish in the sea, to a minnow in a puddle. This doesn't mean I don't believe I can accomplish some great things, it just means that I realize the work I have cut out for me. Today I swim as a minnow, but with hard work I will grow into, lets say, a STARfish (lame crack, yet again). I hope that everyone experiences a humbling moment soon.

To counteract the negative feelings of a challenge, I will choose today's word to be perseverance. Although challenging times will always lie ahead, we can persevere to wherever we want.

I realize that I have been falling behind in my photo adventures, and to be honest I have no good excuse. I regret letting the past few days go by without paying enough attention to let something take my breath away. I am making a promise to myself, starting now, to pay closer attention. I never want to become so settled in Los Angeles that I stop paying attention to its beauty.

This is not hard for me to say, but I feel like it should go unsaid. I miss my job at Radio Disney. When talking to my fellow performers today, I found my excitement level rise as I described what I did for a living. It was like I found the very passion that I that I lost. The lost passion that made walking away from the position so easy.

I think laughter is contagious. Please laugh a lot.

While in LA, I am meeting so many new people. While establishing new relationships, I have to figure out efficient and safe ways to communicate with people. I think that one of the greatest ways to keep in touch with someone is through e-mails. That is why I offer everyone I meet my e-mail address before my number, facebook, or myspace. Just as I like to receive e-mails from my new aquantances, I want to receive them from you. If anything I ever write about brings up a need for further conversation, or if you just want to chat, feel free to e-mail me. The e-mail address that I check most often is Make sure to have a unique subject line, or I probably will look right past it. I have virus scanner too, so don't try to send me any!

Last night, Ian and a group of his (my) friends went to the OAR concert at Club Nokia. It is so nice socializing and having effortless fun with new people. I get excited to see what friendships there are to be had.

As I enter the evening hours of another chilly California night, I will find humility, promise, and laughter in my days to come.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Things change and that is okay. As much as my life has changed, I would be hypocritical to expect anything different from anyone else. History repeats itself, yes, but sometimes new beginnings can happen without the patterns of the past. I know that we all have our demons, but we all have the ability to beat these demons. I do my best to offer everyone the benefit of the doubt. I genuinely believe in others strengths to overcome their personal battles, just as I have. I have previously said that I am going to be the maintenance man, working hard to solve broken friendships. However, just like a leaky pipe, the result of the break can further the problem. At that point, all you can do is replace the broken item, or do without it. As honorable as it is to put the past in the past, it is not worth making a fool of yourself to force someone in your future; especially if you are viewed as the demon bearing individual you once were. With a clean slate, I am going to move forward, all the while wishing everyone the best. I suggest to everyone, including myself, to not be the leaky pipe. Don't make a bad situation any worst.

Today's word is going to be empathy. If we are empathetic to situations in our life, we will persevere much more!

As tomorrow approaches, I want to say thank you to all who have sent me their blessings! I am very excited for the audition and am very hopeful to post back with good news. As far as when I will know the outcome, I'm not sure- but as soon as I find something out, I will let you know.

Recently, I was offered a modeling job. As great as this sounds, I need to figure out the logistics. I applied for the position, which was posted on I received a response back that seemed legitimate. I will use so much caution when pursuing this, however I want to ask for some advice as to how I can determine the legitimacy of this ad.

For those on the other side of the country, I want to let you know that it rained today. Where most of California was relieved to see some precipitation, I wanted to curl up in a ball. I know that it was nothing compared to Ohio's snow, but I stil didn't enjoy it.

This is a new idea I came up with tonight. Let me know what you think! Check out the poll I created!

Click here for my new plan!

Maintenance man.

Everyday something breaks in someones life. A plate, a car, an air conditioner, or, most tragically, a friendship. Sometimes while living in the moment, situations arise that put friendships to the test. Sometimes, the friendship suffers terribly. Just as we hire maintenance people to fix our broken things, we need to fix our friendships. There is nothing better than the feeling you get after gaining someone back in your life. Perhaps it is so rewarding, because it usually takes such a long time to get back. I am now a maintenance man, and am working very hard to fix friendships that have broken. In times of distance, there is nothing more solid than positive relationships.

I began my day with a terrific run, as I usually do. I ate healthily, as I usually try to do. I can't describe it, but being healthy is one of the other most rewarding feelings ever. I often get criticized by my roommates and others for my obsession with eating healthy, but I am wise enough to know when things get carried away. I don't work out and eat healthily to lose weight, I do it because under all the fat are organs that need to be treated well. Just like the friendships I mentioned above, our bodies need to be maintained. Today I was told the story about someones father who died suddenly of a heart attack. For privacy reasons, I won't go into many details, but that is a huge eye opener. I feel that I need to learn all I can about health and implement strategies to protecting my life.

With that in mind, I will pick vitality as today's word. In our friendships and health, we should work on vitality.

As I promised my roommate, I want to mention him in this post. Bryan and I are becoming pretty good friends, at least by my standard. He has allowed me to enter the situation I am in and helps me along the way. He shows me around the town, explaining all of the in's and out's of the city. He is honest with me, and I appreciate honesty more than anything. So as I promised, thank you Bryan for all of your help.

My sister, who is the reason I began blogging, posted a terrific post today. Its general idea was about respecting others by not making fun of them. She also mentioned how ugly it is to find satisfaction in others misfortunes. Being that my sister put it so perfectly, I will not elaborate. Rather, I will refer you a blog that offers so many wonderful insights.

Firing up the canon.

Last night while going to dinner, I saw this church. I enjoyed the view so much, that I pulled over and took a picture of it. Recently, a friend of mine realized that he wants religion in his life. This got me thinking about my beliefs. I consider myself sort of religious. I pray constantly, I believe in God, I put my faith in him, but I don't preach. I can't look you in the eye and say I go to church every Sunday, or often at all. Pretty much, I just encourage everybody to believe in something. Whether it be religious at all, believe in something. Have the humility to put your faith in something other than yourself. Too often we lose sight of who we are, and in those times we need something to turn to. That is the extent of my preaching. Here is the picture of the church.

I symbolized enough in my last paragraph.

As I spend the evening alone for the first time in awhile, I am enjoying the relaxation. Saturday is fast approaching, and my hopes are high. I want to land the dancing gig very much. I'm in the gym all morning, I am working on dance, I am staying positive- all things I consider proper preparation. Wish me luck! I would love to know what exciting endeavors everyone has coming up in their lives! Blogs are great for opening communication. Feel free to share your future plans!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Skip in my step.

Today there was an extra skip in my step. I don't know if I rolled off the right side of the air mattress this morning, or what, but I enjoyed it. I woke up with the inspiration to get things done. I cleaned, I worked, I ran three miles, and I am still ready to move forward. I love many things about human nature, such as our ability to step up when times are trying. Right when allowed myself to have a decrease in energy, I inspired myself to stay positive. The end result: An extra skip in my step.
There is something about being someones "go to" person that really satisfies me. I don't know if it the power of being sensible enough to someone to help, or the fact that I am trusted, but I enjoy it.
Today's word is going to be qualitative. It means based on qualities. I chose this word, because I realized that when determining my attraction to someone, I choose to go for qualities I like in them, rather than a single idea. One of my favorite qualities is ambition. Being that I am such a fast paced person, I need someone who can keep up with my aspirations. In a nutshell, determine your respect for someone in terms of what things you like about them, rather than what you perceive them as. It is okay to like certain things about a person and dislike others, it is all about honing in on the good things.
My friend and I were talking about running today and she described it pretty perfectly. Running is a great escape. Either from whomever is running behind you (lame crack) or whatever is on your mind. Today I ran and I guess it helped induce the skip in my step.
As I approach dinner time, I have a big smile on my face. I will take the advice of a friend and not try to define why I am in a good mood. I will just embrace it and enjoy it. While I enjoy my good mood, you can enjoy this photo I took last night in the city.

Of course I have to describe what I see in this picture. I see light shining through darkness, just as we all can shine through dark times. Let the light represent positivity. I am going to work on shining light on any situation that I go through.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What a country.

"Rosa sat so Martin could walk
So Barack could run,
So our children can fly."

The quote above is a representation of history. A part of history that I consider the most important day, since September 11Th, that I have been alive. I am proud to be part of a country the reigns equality. No matter what someone believes, it is inevitable that today is a day to be cherished and looked fondly on. I spent today's celebration at LA Live with thousands of people. The energy in the air was unbelievable with so many people cheering and sharing joy. With a smile on my face, I couldn't help but think...what a country! Here are some pictures that radiate hopefulness and unity!

Monday, January 19, 2009

A day you will remember.

Clearly this is an exciting time. Tomorrow will be historic. Regardless your political views, tomorrow will be a day you will remember for the rest of your life.

I find that today I don't have all too much to talk about.

Today's word is a VERY common word. It isn't unique, but it is important. The word is respect. Respect yourself and respect others.

What I am learning is that more things are ironic than we think. Those who choose to point fingers at others, often times have a personal attachment to the difference they point out. I laugh at situations such as this. I laugh at people who voice their opinions about me, when they are guilty of the same charge.

This post is very lackluster, but that is how I am feeling today. I'm not sad, but I'm not overly happy. Being in the city, I am learning things I didn't know about myself (DUH!). I am learning that I wouldn't mind finding a companion again. I often times point a nasty finger at romance, but lately I sort of miss it. I've been very blessed with love. I gained so much from my last relationship, including many great memories. When it ended, my interest for romance did too. I'm not saying I need it right now, but I wouldn't mind. I'm in a new place, with new people- my options are endless. Perhaps it is time to let my guard down and work on sharing experience with someone else.

Tomorrow I will be sharing pictures from LA Live, as I will be heading there bright and early to celebrate tomorrow's inauguration.

I have enjoyed my experiences here so much, because I find myself doing things I normally wouldn't do.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Enjoying what you have.

According to Socrates, the most important thing for anyone to work on is self-development. I agree with this entirely, and find that I can justify many things I do with this guideline. I would be crazy to say that there is a good chance I will become a high profile performer, but I try anyway. I don't necessarily try to find the final outcome. I try because I learn along the way. I will never live my life by means to an end. The end is the end, and I'm not going to wait for that to be happy. I am going to spend my journey to the end with beneficial experiences and risks. I realize that when the end of my journey comes, the only thing I will have to reflect on is what got me there. I encourage everyone to consume this philosophy of Socrates. Develop yourself, don't wait for someone to do it for you. The person we are is only who we allow ourselves to become. Live without restriction.

This brings me to the word of the day: Virtue.

My mentioning of a Greek philosophy was not random. Today I went to a museum in Malibu, The Getty Villa. It was a great learning experience. I was glad to do something like this, because I never thought I would again since the days of middle school field trips are over. I learned a lot about ancient Greece and spent time with some really fun people. As I normally do, I want to share the experience with you. Enjoy these pictures from the Getty Villa.

On a lighter note, I've been thinking about the power of comedy. Ian took me to a comedy show at his club, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Being the person I am, I saw so much more than a show. I saw a venue full of people sharing laughter and comedy. Here is a picture I took at the show.

Now for the symbolism. Our society is composed of so many unique people. We all spend our time finding enjoyment for ourselves. Often times this pursuit creates a divide in our population. This picture symbolizes, that no matter how different we all can be, we can all be equally alike. We may share few things, but we all can laugh. When you find yourself seeing a separation in society, remember how alike we all can be. We don't have to be entirely the same to stand together. Thank you comedy.

I hope everyone builds virtue; finds qualities in themselves they enjoy; and laughs often. We can't all have everything we want, but we can all have happiness. Happiness isn't having everything you want, it is enjoying what you have. I send out my best to everyone tonight.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Get back to passion.

Word of the day: laissez-faire.

I think that from now on, I will include a "word of the day" in my posts. Being that the entire foundation of my writing this blog, and you reading it is words, we might as well learn new ones together. Laissez-faire means non-interference. I hope you feel as enlightened as I do. That dramatic closing sentence made me laugh.

I want to spend my spare time learning to cook. Going grocery shopping at least once a week, spending on average $35.00, has made me want to explore all of the exciting new foods. Lately I feel like I eat like a rabbit...or a mouse more appropriately since my diet includes plenty of cheese. Cooking is a great skill to possess. Like so many things in the world, you can mix, match, and create so many new things when cooking. I will add that to my list of things to do.

More than ever, I want to formally learn dance. Dance is a natural talent I possess, so I only feel it is right to expand the gift I've been given. Come January 24th, I will be in Anaheim, California auditioning to dance professionally for Disney. I will do my best at this audition. Come this February, I will be auditioning, once again for Disney, only this time the resort is not so close. I won't disclose the details as of now, but I would never pass a chance for such an opportunity. This time in my life is a time to get back to passion.

For anyone who thinks that the people of Los Angeles are sharks, I disagree. There are some great people out here. A friend I met the other day has reached out and taken it upon herself to show me that LA is a great place to be. This Sunday she is taking me to a museum. I'm really excited and will definitely be sharing photos with you. I appreciate her reaching out and look forward to the outing. Click on the link to preview where I will be going.

This Sunday's destination.

Now throughout my life, I've always relied on symbolism for entertainment. My new found love of photo sharing, mixed with my old time enjoyment of symbolism have brought me to share this picture with you.

Here is my over-analytical review of this photo. Flowers are known to be beautiful. When we think of flowers, we think of fields; bouquets; of bunches. In the world, we all stand as individuals. We, as a society, have managed to conquer so much as a population. This picture should remind us all that we all hold beauty of our own individually. Just as this flower stands out, beautifully, and alone, we all can stand out and radiate beauty. I hope to never lose myself, no matter where I choose to stand out.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Memories last. Memories last.

I find it funny that people make things so obvious. Everyone has their heart on their sleeves. The difference is that some wave their arms around less than others. Regardless the obviousness of this, everyone is guilty as charged. I find that sometimes, even when I am completely aware of what someone is saying (think subtext), I walk into hollow conversations over and over. I don't know if it is because I find something I like in the person, or I just like a challenge, but I find myself in this situation a lot. I think it is these relationships that help highlight the genuine encounters I share with other people. I really enjoy learning from everyone. From coast to coast, I am learning that everyone has at least one thing to teach you. I love building experience with people, because there is something to learn.

With that being said, I think that human correspondence is a lot like memory foam. Everyone makes an imprint of some sort on another person. Sometimes this imprint is deeply rooted, sometimes it is shallow- all of the time though, it is an imprint. Memories last; a noteworthy point. Memories last. Memories last. Memories last. Be conscious of the memories you leave with people. I may never tell you that I know that our relationship is hollow, but I will remember it. Memories last. I try very hard to genuinely talk to other people. I listen; I care; I try to help. All we have in life is the ability to share. A smile, a hand, a shoulder, anything. If we forfeit this ability, we lose everything. It's not what you take with you, but it is what you leave behind.

I feel that my words are my way of leaving something behind. I want to be remembered as the person who cared. I want to make a difference in someones life: Big or small.

If I am going to live, I want to live large. I want to enhance my life as much as possible. I want to try things that scare me and that I may never be able to try again. From a distance (say 3000 miles) it becomes very clear what I am able to do now. I encourage everyone to do something that they have wanted to do. It is the most rewarding thing ever, regardless the outcome. Something bigger than material things is the ability to be proud of yourself. I am proud of myself.

Dream a dream.

The foundation of my passion for performance. Early footage of me dancing with the North Royalton High School dance team. I am the one in the white bandanna.

Use the link below.

Dream a dream.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Beauty remains.

After an early morning of getting work done, I thought I would reward myself with a run. I tied my Pumas, strapped on my Ipod, secured my cell phone and began to run. Being new to the city, I ran to the only place I knew how to get; the LA Live district. The sun was blaring, I was sweating, and the entire run was intense. Flying past the workers of corporate America, something hit me. What hit me was something pretty simple, but prolific too. This big city, full of buildings and hectic movement, is a beautiful place. Of course, it is beautiful with its architecture and flashy billboards, but something more stood out. All over the city were little oasis like landmarks. Whether it were a reflection in a window, a plant growing strong by the 101 (a frequented freeway in LA), or specific placements of different items.

As I approached the LA Live district it hit me that I didn't want to stop. I wanted this journey to continue on, so I did just that...I continued on. I ran and ran until all I saw were parking lots and shattered buildings. I chose at that time to turn around. My body was ready to run, but my mind wanted me to slow down. I took this as my chance to explore this fascinating place. I created an activity for myself. I would walk to every block; at every block, I would look around and find something that stood out and that I appreciated; I would snap a photo of my findings. I did this with excitement and a huge smile on my face. Although I got strange stairs from the men and woman who looked fancy in their business suits, I didn't care. I was getting something out of this city more than a salary. I was understanding that in the craziness of this world beauty still remains.

As I share my journey from West 3rd to Venice Blvd, keep that in mind. No matter how the world changes, no matter how many things come and go- one thing is true and that is beauty remains. A true mark of intellect is seeing something for what it isn't displayed as. In other words, look in a city, over-loaded with buildings and find what isn't easy to see. Enjoy your first run through Downtown Los Angeles.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm not the idol.

Click here for footage of my American Idol interview!

I don't have too much to talk about today. I'm startin to settle in. I'm happy and busy. Here is some comedic relief for everyone. I'm not the idol, but I'm a star. Enjoy.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Getting there.

Sometimes, no matter how bright the city lights shine, it is very dark here. Today being the only day that I haven't been on the go, I've had a lot of time to work and think. Turns out that I am way more scared than I thought. I can have all the fun in the world, but that doesn't hide the demands I have to meet. I need a place, a car, and a purpose. I continue to be more tired, but continue to sleep less sound. I'm going to stay positive and all, but the stress is on.

Tomorrow will be a great day. It is my first day with purpose and a place to go. It is my first night out with new friends. Ian and I joke about how sentimental I am about everything. My life is a game and I am my cheerleader. I think that is the point of my happiness though. I can find sentiments in my first time vaccuming in Los Angeles, my first drive through the city, or my first groceries bought...whatever it is, I find it exciting. Perhaps I am able to take risks, because I can find happiness in simplicity. While many people focus on the big picture, I can appreciate its bits and pieces. It is a slower process, but it gets me to the same place. So to wherever that place is, I will keep working on getting there. Not so much getting there, but enjoying the ride.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My own way.

As the weekend wraps itself up, I cannot explain how happy I am. From fine dining to feet in the sand- I am so happy. I'm not only happy with the fun I am having, but I am happy with the responsibility I am taking on. Tomorrow will be my first day exploring the city alone. Tuesday is my first official appointment for work. Things are really falling into place. I am glad that the life I will be building is taking off.

Ian, has helped me in so many ways. He doesn't give me slack to feel sorry for myself or to condemn myself. He throws me into situations that I normally wouldn't be in. I'm so glad to be sharing this experience with him. I've met some really cool people in the last few days and I am excited to see what friendships will stem.

I really believe I belong here. My soul is smiling as much as my face and that is rare. I finally feel that I am in a place where I can spread my wings and reach for wherever I want. I'm excited to find my own place, drive my own car, and make my own way.

I spent the day in Santa Monica again. Here are some photos from daylight to sunset. Enjoy.