I have officially left Cleveland. It is a very strange, bittersweet feeling, and I am unsure of how to decipher it. I feel happy that I left, but I'm not sure I really know that I am gone. As I have promised myself, I will not get caught up in any ideals that what I am doing HAS to be permanent. However, I don't want to get caught up with the idea that I can quit so easily. This journey that I have taken on is, by far, the scariest thing I have ever done. Where I am used to walking on solid grounds, I will be trudging down a road of thin ice. Either the ice is going to melt or I am going to break it; at least that is how I feel. It isn't how I should feel, though. I should be excited that my roots aren't so firmly planted that I am forced to bloom in a certain place. It is a funny thing, getting all you want. Since I was little I have wanted to do this, but now at 20 I feel like I should have bit my wishful tongue. With my nerves working at full capacity I will let my strong will surpass my anxiety. The words "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all" have never meant more to me. I've taken a positive step towards getting all I want, but the sacrifice has never shined so bright. I spent so much time complaining about the life I lead in my hometown that I never took the time to step back and appreciate it from a distance. Leaving behind everything I didn't want helped to realize that I had everything I ever needed. I am learning that part of growing up has to do with determining the difference between need and want. While it is heroic to pursue what you want, it is very noble to be content with what you have. Regardless of my accomplishments,I hope for the end of my life to be a time of reflection in which I find pride. I suppose that this it what it is all about: Spending my time on earth building a life that I am proud to leave behind. Rather than spending my time worrying about the day I will leave time behind, I should live in the moment.
With that being recognized, I am going to live in the moment; live to the fullest. The wise words that forever echo in my soul, "live the life you have imagined," make each day worthy of my full heart. I will guide myself with the light shined from love, passion, and heart. I may be weary of what I am doing, but I don't believe I would enjoy this chase so much if it were easy. Life is a chance, not a guarantee. I will make the most of my time. I will accept no regret.
Quoted. Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing
5 weeks ago