I want to be cold with the winter winds blowing so fiercely that I can barely stand it. I want the bottoms of my pants to be soaking wet with evidence that the winter storms have begun, acting as a sign to cling to anything that will keep me warm. That is how I grew up in the midwest. I want to look out the window of my childhood home and see the street covered, knee high in snow, knowing that I'd have to venture through the white blanket to reach any destination.
As cold as it could be outside, home was always warm and welcoming. The bay window peppered with Santa figurines and the latest addition to my mother's snowman decoration collection, always seemed to stand as a symbol to the holiday season. I'd stare at those decorations and couldn't help but notice the constant downfall of snow cover the ground, seemingly giving me a fresh, clean slate to start all over. It was like the world, once again, was painted white and I was offered the opportunity to repaint the scenery.
I want to start all over again. I want to be a little boy crowded around the table with my entire family, immediate and not, laughing and sharing stories. I want the smell of holiday meals to take over the air and the sound of my families chatter to dominate the house.
I'll be home for Christmas. I'll be there to take in every moment, more so than I ever have. I'll be home to share the company of a strong woman, who deserves to be healthy. She's shared every part of her life and now I will stand up as the man she helped me to become and share all that I have to see to it that she has many years to spend with our family.
Today I lit a candle. I did so with the intention of having it burn for all that I've had and all that I want it to remain, and become. I pray for the health of my loved ones. I pray for their opportunities to continue to come in the plenty and their hearts to be fulfilled with love and accomplishment. I pray for their health, their strength and their resilience. I pray for the blood within their veins to continue flowing with loyalty, humility and pride.
We all deserve to be happy. Nobody should disagree with that. If you are a human who has felt any ounce of pain or discomfort, you know you don't want to feel it again. It blows my mind that there are people out there that ruthlessly cause those feelings for other people.
The recent string of suicides due to bullying that we've all been hearing about in the news not only break my heart, but really make me mad. It isn't fair. We all live in this world. We entered it the same way as one another, full of life and opportunity. The term growing up shouldn't just include your age, but the way you act. Your first word should be the first step to the many you'll learn and the ways in which you use them. Use your words in a positive way, for the love of God.
Anyone out there who believes that homosexuality is so offensive that they feel the need to hurt another person is absolutely a dense person. I say that point blank and with full belief in it. I don't disagree with the fact that people can disagree, but its how you deal with your differences. I hope that everyone who has bullied or hurt another person with their words can feel that pain one day. Perhaps when they have children who just can't fit in.
To anyone out there who hates other people, I address this to you.
To the person who made another person cry, because what you saw you didn't like. I wish you all the very best that life has to offer. Because that's what I believe. I believe we all deserve to run fast, laugh loud and love fearlessly. One foot in front of the other, just like I move forward, I wish you to move the same. I hope you never feel left out, like you don't have a place in this world. I hope all those hateful words you choose to share, that you produce with no thought or reason, never get thrown back at you. I pray for you, that you never wake up with fear, because you don't know that the room you walk into will have anyone in it that welcomes you. I hope all of this for you. And I hope your children never feel the wrath of someones hate. I hope they never go home from school and cry themselves to sleep. I hope that they never see "fag" carved into the side of their car, or garbage dumped on top of it. I hope that they have the opportunity to meet someone else and fall in love, with no reservations of doing so. I wish you the very best, and I wish for you to have the chance to wake up and feel the same way about everyone. Its a big world and people like you make it feel like a shoebox. Closed, small and uncomfortable. Understand, however, that the more you beat something down, the stronger it will become. You may need someone someday that you never thought you would. Treat everyone that way so that when you are dying for a drink of water someone will share with you, because they see your worth. They see all you deserve to accomplish. We all deserve good things.
I offer this to anyone who cannot help but be mean.
I pray for those who lost their lives because of the pain someone else caused.
And to those who aren't sure they belong, you do. I accept you and a lot of people in this world do. You are a wonderful person, no matter what anyone says. Look in the mirror and see all that you are.
I'm a music man who happens to love dancing, writing and acting. I'm not afraid to try and most likely will never know the fear. You will get to know a lot about me if you choose to read Onward Bound. I like you.