Monday, March 2, 2009

Stronger than ever.

In my last post I discussed my negative views on romance. I said romance sucks and called it pretentious. The responses I received pointed out some great points. One reader told me that romance is a factor in love, it is not love. I liked that point and it made me feel hopeful. The point of me bringing this up is not to get back on the topic, but to point out a funny, but ironic story. Here is what love brought for one couple.

Watch this video!

I feel myself being overwhelmed with apathy lately. I’m finding it a chore to return phone calls, I avoid conversation, I lack excitement, and I won’t allow my mind to process thought—rather I play music full blast and just listen. I live a great life, but my problem is anxiety. I cannot do the same thing for too long. Los Angeles is my dream town, but the life I am pursuing is unrealistic if some significant income isn’t a resource. I have an awful love/hate relationship with home. I know that I should go back to Ohio and get my degree, but I cannot get over the idea of being there again. I continue to have my friends and family ask me what is wrong, but I refuse to answer the question. I’ve avoided talking to anyone all day. This has nothing to do with being upset at anyone. The only person I am mad at is me. I fear going home to be viewed as a failure or a joke. I fear to go home with the feeling that I quit. A good friend, who I’ve ticked off, told me that me going home isn’t quitting, just building more of a foundation so I can come back stronger than ever. I agree with that, but why can’t I believe it?

I've typed four paragraphs and deleted them all. I'm clearly tapped out and not in the mood to write. Take care everyone.

Nick James

11 comments:

Audrey said...

Oh Nick...I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
I like what your friend said as well, and I agree with it. But I also believe in the power of spreading your wings and seeing something through to the end, no matter how painful that will be. Your heart and your mind will tell you when your time is right.
Not much consolation I know.But hang in there my friend. We are all wishing only the best for you!
Big hugs,
audrey
xoxoxo

Lisa said...

going back is not a failure- never having gone forwward would have been.

what is your gut telling you ?
are you reading the signs the universe sends ?

remember Nick that life is meant to be simple- a glide from one thing to another- if its not, then you have to assume the universe is blocking you and ask yourself why ?

Take ego out of this picture and see how you feel..........
Lisa xxxx

findingmywingsinlife said...

Nick,
Your friend Audrey here makes a good point with her line "But I also believe in the power of spreading your wings and seeing something through to the end, no matter how painful that will be"
However, I do want to point out that in order to take her words to heart, you must first believe you have the wings in order to fly...

the only thing unrealistic in life is trying to live up to the expectations of others- whether it be those of your family, your peers, the society in general, etc. It is only when we look to others for approval that we often times see our choices as failures, when really its your own approval you need. Money isn't everything, but your dreams are.

~Sheila~ said...

You just got there. At least give yourself more time. Live. Experience all that you can and then when/if you're ready to go home...

Hope you come out of your slump soon.

J9 said...

Nick, all of life is a learning experience, in university or not. There is something to be said for learning life's lessons while cradled in the arms of higher learning, and something else entirely is gained from living through your learning without that safety net. Both are completely valid choices, if you are fortunate enough to even have a choice. Follow your heart Nick, and learn your life lessons, there is no one who can judge your path but you, and I'd say to not be so harsh a judge!

Sarah-Paige said...

Hi Nick
You've been given some great advice here...as I'm not so experienced in life either all I can really say is that I wish you many blessings no matter which path you choose .

I struggle with the thought of coming home after I've left, and have decided that if I do fail miserably (or on the off chance I succeed) that I will go where I am comfortable and happy, and if that means coming home so be it. Don't worry what others will think !

You're young and brimming with potential, the world just isn't ready for you yet !!!!!

Keep smiling :)

Sarah-Paige

The Polka Dotted Owl said...

Nick, I am soo sorry you are having a down moment:( We all go through that. I find that I go through that sort of mind set when I am in a rut or uncertain about my future. You just need to shake it up. Do something spontaneous, just for Nick.

Your dream is not unrealistic. People who say that to you are afraid to even think about pursuing their dreams, let alone actually going after them. You are going after something you love. I am so envious of you. I wish I had your courage and drive....

Plus how many people can say they left their home, friends, family, everything they knew and were accostumed to, to try to make it in L.A? Not many, you are in a very distinguished and respectable group.

Even if you have to go back home, walk tall, knowing that you actually crossed over the fence and experienced your dream, while others just wonder and dream what lies beyond it.

Snowbrush said...

My observation is that a lot of people your age are in and out of the nest, so to speak. I would feel anxious too if I lacked an adequate income and was faced with such a big decision. You just sound normal to me, for whatever it's worth.

I well know that writing and deleting mood; just think, we didn't always have computers to make it easy.

The Passionate Book Worm said...

Okay, let me just tell you something. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. So what if people view you going home as quitting. If that's what you need to do to build a foundation, then I say go for it. Don't be afraid to change your plans and go out on a limb and do something you didn't originally think you would. Good opportunities come to those who go looking for them. Do what you need to do and don't worry about taking time for yourself right now. You don't owe anyone any explanations. The people who care about you the most will understand.

Anonymous said...

Nick, sorry your having a bad time right now! It's tough to live on your own, let alone not have a sufficient income to do so. No one can judge you if you need to return home. But everyone will be proud of you for trying. It takes alot of courage to do what you have done and you are a very talented man, wiser beyond your years. I still say your time will come and your new door will open, whether it is in LA or in Ohio near your family.

The economy is not real good right now and so many people are out of work it is a tough time for everyone. Thoughts and prayers, Love, AE

Vitamin B-Lardo said...

Oh brother. I guess in my week of working I missed a lot. I'm sorry that you have been sitting on the down side of up.

I'd love to flip that reality for you.

You are an achiever regardless of where you are...or how you get there.

Do you know that when an ostrich sense danger it runs in a zig zag path to safety.

sometimes you have to zig this way then back that way to get to the end of the road.

that's not failure. failure would be running in a straight line, knowing that it's going to be your demise in the end.

flow with it. and do whatever feels right in the moment you are doing it.