After so long, shouldn't being away from home be easy? I feel that I keep going up and down way too much. I need stability, something I can count on. I love a mystery, but when everyday feels like a maze, I can't help but feel anxiety. My chest start to hurt, the butterflies in my stomach start to bite and I feel as though my heart plummeted to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. How do I survive if I keep feeling like this?

N.J

Slow down.

Lately I seem to be focused on really trying to take advice and apply it to my experiences. Advice comes from those who see a spark and want to help the flames grow. My parents always offer me so much advice (My dad does so kindly: My mom does so intensely). However the advice is addressed, I eventually make an effort to take it and use it.

Advice also comes from folks who don't know you so well, or at all.

A complete stranger saw me the other day and could tell I was extremely stressed. He came up to me and said
"I am only fifty one, but I feel I can speak from experience. If you are having 'one of those days' just slow down. "

Just. Slow. Down.

............

Now take a deep breath.





I heard his advice, politely thanked him and my mind ran off on its current race. It wasn't until several hours later that I thought about it again. I gave it a shot and forgot about any deadlines. I faced my current project, took a breath and thought about all of the options I had as to how it could be completed.

I kid you not, everything and everyone around me suddenly seemed easier to deal with. Almost like they, too, were slowing down. I eventually caught up with the project and completed it, successfully.

In moments of intensity, everything is intensified. We yell, we rush and we lose touch with patience. When patience is gone, serenity is gone.

So all: SLOW DOWN.

It really does help. At a healthy pace, you will find everything much more scenic. When the scenery is sought after, beauty is found.

There is beauty in everything and I believe that. There are lessons learned, strength gained and happiness found eventually in most reasonable situations.

I wish you the best of the positive twist.

On a more personal note, here are my updates:

-I bought a car. An old trusty rusty!
-I am moving to a new apartment in August.
-I have my best friends coming to visit.
-I am going to give American Idol another shot (no expectations, just fun).
-I am one, over worked, happy dude!

On my second shift tonight, in the elevator I am going to enjoy some peace and quiet. Mmm.

Sending ya'll calmness,

N.J

Ps. Don't multi-task- give your all to one thing at a time. Precision is a guaranteed way to reach success.

The dark one.

I find it interesting how human emotion works. It inevitably crosses the line of pure feeling to uncontrollable action. When we feel sad, we cry; when we feel happy we laugh...so on and etc.

I'm not focussing on the glorified emotions though. I'm talking about the dark one tonight . I am referring to hatred. Honestly (Get your violins) I have been treated like dirt by several people. Normally I wouldn't be surprised, but I am an open-minded nice guy- I don't cause problems for anyone. I absolutely do not hate. I don't hate anyone who has ever crossed me, hurt me, or mustered up any horrible feelings in my life. I just don't have the ability to hate-note, however, that I defend myself to the maximum utilizing intellect and stability . Everyday I see so much hatred. Whether it be on the news, the streets, or any place where hatred is a possibility. The fact is that we are all people. My dad, as usual, shared wisdom with me that really helped me deal with negative actions towards others.

He put a situation in my mind. There is an old lady driving, not so perfectly, down the street. Someone following behind her is in a hurry, so they start tailing her, yelling at her, and, beyond their awareness, end up breaking her heart. He then told me to zoom in on this now fearful old lady. He said close your eyes (unless you are driving, of course) and picture her as your grandmother.

A bolt of lightning hit my chest as I envisioned my grandma getting treated this way. I wanted to hurt this impatient person. Wait! ...I've been that person before. Not just in driving situations, but in many trying situations where someone hasn't met my expectations. I immediately started wondering how I've treated others while in these situations, and every time I put my grandmothers face on my victims head. Consider this perspective next time you are on the verge of reacting. Put a loved ones face on your annoyance. If a baby cries, imagine it is your baby: you won't be so angry then. If a boss expects a lot out of you, imagine it is your parent: you will react absolutely different. If a gay person supercedes your understanding, imagine he or she is your child: you won't stare so coldly then. If there is a handicapped person around, imagine they were your sibling: you won't crack any jokes then. If an old lady is driving slowly, imagine it is your grandmother: you'll treat this adult with the patience and respect she deserves. You get the picture, if not- discontinue reading OB.

By adding personal perspective to your situations, you will end up finding yourself in someone elses shoes, and walking towards a positive place. Let's just not hate. We are all simple people with goals and hopes. If you don't like someone, don't deal with them. But we all deserve the time of day, even if its for one minute. Don't treat anyone like they aren't worthy of some respect. Handle situations where you may not necessarily be fond of someone with class. Treat other people as you would approve of them treating the people you love.

Simply stated: Be around people you like If you don't like them, do so respectfully. Be cordial, but try to not be around the person. That way hatred will have missed its opportunity to destroy another persons esteem. And perhaps in your distance you may lose your disdain for another person.

I would not offer this advice had I not taken it when it was offered to me. I sleep very easy at night knowing that I am peaceful with everyone, regardless their actions. I take care of myself by not wasting my energy with the negativity of others.

After all, we all have people whose hearts would break if we were treated badly.

Note:

I defend what is right. I don't support ignorance that isn't met with the effort of undestanding. I have a voice that I proudly use for good things. I won't take a beating, but won't give one either. However, disrespect my family and I will contradict many things stated above.

With peace bloggo's,

N.J

Cake and coffee.

Today I lost my mind.

These moments don't come often for me- I am generally constantly smiling- but when these moments come, their presence is as sure as the sun is hot. My mind goes into a strange state where I don't filter what I say, nor do I control it. Everything in the world around me, which I usually admire so much, turns violent. I don't like moments like these, especially because I don't like to break. I plan on building a career where I can uplift others through positivity, kindness and true passion for what I do. When I break, I feel as though I take ten steps backwards. I suppose it is okay for me to be human, every once in awhile.

However an emotional day, it actually began quite simply. I worked an event; a graduation ceremony for a fifth grade class. This sounds simple, but it pushed me into a mode of reflection. Not only did I become passionate at the idea of these young children (not necessarily from the most economically strong families) get the opportunity to become something, but I also had a moment where I realized how truly blessed I am.

In short, I was a pain when it came to my early years of school. I rested on the fact that I had ADHD, often using it as an excuse to not attend class or do homework. I goofed off at school, and ultimately hindered my ability to meet any potential that I had. As impossible as I made my educational career, my parents, especially my father, never gave up on me. He had frequent meetings with school administration, he spent his free time studying with me and he never once allowed me to feel that I was anything less than intelligent. I don't like to admit these things, but a tear actually rolled down my face. I dialed my dad and had to thank him, because for the first time, like a bag of bricks hit me in my face, I realized how lucky I am to have such an incredible person believe in me. I like to think that after I grew up a little, from high school on, that I proved my younger self to be a phase of laziness. I am actually quite proud at my mental capacity.

Along with this huge flush of gratefulness, I couldn't stop thinking about refrigerated cake. This sounds so silly, but it brings back some of my favorite memories. Whenever there was a family party, or any party, my mother (a fan of desert) would wrap cake and stick it in the fridge. For the days to follow, her and I would wake up, drink coffee and attack the cake as though it were are only options. Some of the best conversations happened during this informal breakfast. I painstakingly realized that as long as I am here in Los Angeles, or anywhere away from home, I will not have those moments to share again.

I don't know if it because I am growing up, or because I have less now, but simple things like coffee and cake touch my heart and move me entirely.

I've declared myself a musician now. I want to avidly pursue, what I consider to be, my number one passion. Regardless of anyone's opinions- which I so often let affect me- I never give up my belief in my song. I love to write music and I love to sing. I look forward to my time in the studio and put together a representation of the music I plan to make for the rest of my life.

Today was a day of nostalgia, frustration and growth. I am reading a book right now, a brilliant book, and it his really teaching me to be things into perspective. I can't recommend the book yet, because I want my sister Jamie to receive my copy before she goes and buys her own.

My blog buds!

N.J

www.twitter.com/nickbelardo

All I've got.

All I've got is my happiness. I won't let anyone or anything jeapordize that. Period. Right now, I've got nothing else.

I love conversations that are profound.

Looking back, looking forward.

I miss when life was more simple. It is strange what brings me to this thought, but here goes.

I remember being a freshman in high school, and getting my first cell phone. It was an average, basic flip phone. I remember opening its box like it was Christmas day, but ten times more thrilled (it was actually mid-November). I was only to use the phone for alerting my mom that practice (football, track and wrestling) was over, and for emergencies. I can't believe those were my only responsibilities.

I think how my phone, now a Blackberry, is such a staple to my organization. I use it as my primary way to be contacted, my calendar, my e-mail and my internet browser, to name a few.

This is going nowhere near a discussion of my mobile phone history (there would be too many phones to mention), but one of how life has changed.

I wake up everyday to a mind racing with thoughts. I have to manage where I need to be, where I want to be, where I have been, what I have to get done and a million other "W" words. I have to pay bills now and make choices all for myself, and ones that truly matter. I deal with the consequences of leaving my hometown, including being away from my family. With that comes meeting new people and filtering the good from the bad. I plan my own trips and my own days now too. When I am sick, I lay in bed alone without a parent catering to my every need. I have to make impressions that last, and hopefully good ones . I have to feed myself and see to it that I am maintaining a healthy diet. I have to be alone, a lot, and eventually learn to appreciate it. I have to learn, read and be attentive to the world around me, as my opinion can make a difference. I have to manage relationships, personal and professional, for the quality of my life. I have to find and pay for an apartment that I will have to make feel like home. I have to own a car and keep up with its maintenance and payments. I have to follow through; each step, every effort has to be taken with confidence and determination, because if the ball drops now, I'm the only one responsible for picking it back up. I have to manage the fear I feel. I have to be sincere, forward and friendly, because my reputation means so much more now. I have to deal with rejection on a much larger, more important level. I have to make it happen.

I know I am not alone and that others have all that to deal with, plus more. I am highlighting it, because it is new for me. Although I've always been self-sufficient and mature, I grew up with parents who spoiled me. I had everything I needed and wanted. They still provide, but in a different way.

The amazing thing about this chaos in my mind is that I am sitting in a quiet elevator. No one around, no new scenery; motionless. I am in one of the most simple settings ever, and my mind still races.

This is how I have felt since January 8th, 2009 (actually I have always had a busy mind, it is just busier now). At the end of the day I feel like I have run a marathon. The beauty of it all is that I embrace it. I am as fearless as I can be. My mind is an open door now, and I welcome all of these new visitors (responsibility).

As much of a man that I am growing to be, I still have my weaknesses. I miss my mom and dad. I hate being away from my best friends, my siblings. I miss my traditions and old comforts. I miss being that child who only worried about getting home from school.

I appreciate simplicity so much now. One of the most exciting parts of my day include taking pictures of creative license plates for my hero Jamie. Sounds silly, but it has become an activity that I love. I am still doing really exciting things, but I am learning the joy of all things simple.

Look forward to:
-Exciting meeting
-72.5 hours of work in six days
-Hiking every Sunday morning (google Runyon Canyon)
-A visit from my best friends
-Drinking tea instead of coffee
-Moving in August
-Opening of my bosses third store
-Aerosmith in August
- Writing more music
-Arizona in July
-NYC in September
-Vegas and birthday in November
-Ohio in December

I love you all, I hope that when I commit to returning on a regular basis that you will all be here for me.

PLEASE e-mail me with what you've been up to.

NickJames18@aol.com

Give me pavement.

We've all had those times in our lives when clarity is the furthest thing from our reality.

In times when the fog in the sky is as heavy as the world on your shoulder, you must gather all of your strength and tactic and persevere.
I had a brief, but meaningful conversation recently. It was essentially about hardships that come with chasing your passions. We concluded the conversation with the comfort that we will reach the top of our goals.

At that moment, I turned red in the face with a huge sense of being grateful; I realized that I can only move forward, or onward. I was born to move forward on my path, so I scream at the top of my lungs "GIVE ME PAVEMENT."

I humbly accept every challenge, for I know that each step is a necessary means, not to an end, but to many new beginnings.

As my first six months in LA come to an end, I applaud myself for staying positive and staying in California.

It is pretty apparent that I am a goal oriented person. For my benefit, I will outline my upcoming goals.

I plan to:
-Buy a car: With more to do, it has become an entity for me to have my own means of transportation. I hope to find and affordable, reliable set of wheels.
-Find my own apartment and build my own home. In the potentially tough situation, I will learn what it really means to live.
-Get back into school. I haven't lost faith in my goals, I just feel that I would be more at peace knowing that I can accomplish graduation.
-I will network for social and professional reasons.

Advice that I offer and embrace is to take in simplicity.

Take care buddies,
Nick James

Dignity.

Be all that you are, and do so proudly. You are not defined by the praise or hate of others. You, by yourself, are the individual that you allow yourself to be. Do whatever it is that you enjoy, all the while respecting the world around you. Share your happiness and experience with others who will share theirs. By doing so you will have mixed all of the ingredients for making memories. Stay positive and dignified. Let loose, but keep your class. Love who you want, when you want, but with all you've got. Remember that words fade, but you can keep your smile forever.

Moments of silence create chaos.

It's not in moments of chaos when I feel most lost; In moments of silence, I grow absolutely small and vulnerable. As my roots grow slowly in this new adventure, the term "starving artist" is truly taking definition. As far as its implied meaning of poor and hungry, I'm not too worried. What I am truly starving for is a social life that I can depend on; friends that are actually there; laughs I can count on; memories being built with someone to share them with . Knowing that thousands of miles away, my loved ones are continuing to experience many adventures together, despite my presence, makes being away seem impossible. Slowly watching myself turn into someone that I'm not ready to be is scary. It is a selfish way to act, but on nights like this one, I can't help it. I can't help that I was born a dreamer with unstoppable drive. The prize is still in my eyes, however everything I am passing in my speed is too. When you have to fend for yourself, you get a true dose of exactly what you are. You get to see what you can do for yourself, and what you once did for others. While I am happy with the prints I leave on my trail, I'm starting to look back and notice how shallow some of my steps have been; hence my loneliness. From here I can only grow and work to leave a better, bigger print in the world. I will work on moving forward without leaving anyone behind. It is the moments of silence that create this chaos in my mind.

I tried.

Is there a huge difference in doing what should be done and doing what you dare to do? Could it be that it is as simple as following your heart. In theory, if you follow your heart with all of your ambition, the target you aim for will become closer each step. In your opinion, is it safe to rest assure on this created destiny?

I tried. I am literally having writer's block severely. I will try again later.I

I have a glass to fill.

Optimism without logic, or good reason is hope. The thought of that paints a brilliant scene in my mind, and I cannot help but feel hopeful for all things to come.

We all experience trying times, but as long as we are trying all of the time, we can develop something from any rough patch. Life, they say, isn't as much about the destination as it is the journey; I top that with it being more about the growth you experience on that journey.

On all of my leaps of fate, I focus on what I am learning along the way. Doing so makes me feel, that regardless the landing, I accomplished something.

It is rare for me to feel empty handed after any situation, because I believe in the glass half full so avidly; I feel lucky enough to have a glass to fill. Life is a lesson, my advice: Learn plenty.

I am back in LA and I feel pretty stellar. Visiting my hometown was such a unique eXperience, I feel that I barely have grasped the change. I will write about my entire trip tomorrow! How have you all been?

Forever on,

Nick James