Saturday, June 20, 2009

Looking back, looking forward.

I miss when life was more simple. It is strange what brings me to this thought, but here goes.

I remember being a freshman in high school, and getting my first cell phone. It was an average, basic flip phone. I remember opening its box like it was Christmas day, but ten times more thrilled (it was actually mid-November). I was only to use the phone for alerting my mom that practice (football, track and wrestling) was over, and for emergencies. I can't believe those were my only responsibilities.

I think how my phone, now a Blackberry, is such a staple to my organization. I use it as my primary way to be contacted, my calendar, my e-mail and my internet browser, to name a few.

This is going nowhere near a discussion of my mobile phone history (there would be too many phones to mention), but one of how life has changed.

I wake up everyday to a mind racing with thoughts. I have to manage where I need to be, where I want to be, where I have been, what I have to get done and a million other "W" words. I have to pay bills now and make choices all for myself, and ones that truly matter. I deal with the consequences of leaving my hometown, including being away from my family. With that comes meeting new people and filtering the good from the bad. I plan my own trips and my own days now too. When I am sick, I lay in bed alone without a parent catering to my every need. I have to make impressions that last, and hopefully good ones . I have to feed myself and see to it that I am maintaining a healthy diet. I have to be alone, a lot, and eventually learn to appreciate it. I have to learn, read and be attentive to the world around me, as my opinion can make a difference. I have to manage relationships, personal and professional, for the quality of my life. I have to find and pay for an apartment that I will have to make feel like home. I have to own a car and keep up with its maintenance and payments. I have to follow through; each step, every effort has to be taken with confidence and determination, because if the ball drops now, I'm the only one responsible for picking it back up. I have to manage the fear I feel. I have to be sincere, forward and friendly, because my reputation means so much more now. I have to deal with rejection on a much larger, more important level. I have to make it happen.

I know I am not alone and that others have all that to deal with, plus more. I am highlighting it, because it is new for me. Although I've always been self-sufficient and mature, I grew up with parents who spoiled me. I had everything I needed and wanted. They still provide, but in a different way.

The amazing thing about this chaos in my mind is that I am sitting in a quiet elevator. No one around, no new scenery; motionless. I am in one of the most simple settings ever, and my mind still races.

This is how I have felt since January 8th, 2009 (actually I have always had a busy mind, it is just busier now). At the end of the day I feel like I have run a marathon. The beauty of it all is that I embrace it. I am as fearless as I can be. My mind is an open door now, and I welcome all of these new visitors (responsibility).

As much of a man that I am growing to be, I still have my weaknesses. I miss my mom and dad. I hate being away from my best friends, my siblings. I miss my traditions and old comforts. I miss being that child who only worried about getting home from school.

I appreciate simplicity so much now. One of the most exciting parts of my day include taking pictures of creative license plates for my hero Jamie. Sounds silly, but it has become an activity that I love. I am still doing really exciting things, but I am learning the joy of all things simple.

Look forward to:
-Exciting meeting
-72.5 hours of work in six days
-Hiking every Sunday morning (google Runyon Canyon)
-A visit from my best friends
-Drinking tea instead of coffee
-Moving in August
-Opening of my bosses third store
-Aerosmith in August
- Writing more music
-Arizona in July
-NYC in September
-Vegas and birthday in November
-Ohio in December

I love you all, I hope that when I commit to returning on a regular basis that you will all be here for me.

PLEASE e-mail me with what you've been up to.

NickJames18@aol.com

2 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

You are such a deep thinker! Sounds like you are going to be busy with a lot of travel coming up. Arizona in July?? That sounds painfully hot.

The Funny one said...

I can relate! I have parents who have stayed together and love each other very much and support and love me and my sibs so much. I have nary a care or worry in this moment of time because I am still in my parents home. But in a couple of days I will be all by myself (except for my twin sister) in a guardian-free environment for two weeks, and we will have to rely totally on ourselves. It will be an exciting new experience for us, and it will feel as if we are adults, although we realize that it may be a few years before society in general recognizes us as such. I welcome the future, yet at the same time I am wary of it. I suppose just about everyone feels that way at some point. We are the few lucky ones who have a solid, loving foundation to build new experiences on top of.

I love to read your posts because you lay things out so simply so anyone can understand what you're communicating. Keep it up, Nick!

BTW, I hope you gave your dad a good Father's Day!