Saturday, June 6, 2009

Moments of silence create chaos.

It's not in moments of chaos when I feel most lost; In moments of silence, I grow absolutely small and vulnerable. As my roots grow slowly in this new adventure, the term "starving artist" is truly taking definition. As far as its implied meaning of poor and hungry, I'm not too worried. What I am truly starving for is a social life that I can depend on; friends that are actually there; laughs I can count on; memories being built with someone to share them with . Knowing that thousands of miles away, my loved ones are continuing to experience many adventures together, despite my presence, makes being away seem impossible. Slowly watching myself turn into someone that I'm not ready to be is scary. It is a selfish way to act, but on nights like this one, I can't help it. I can't help that I was born a dreamer with unstoppable drive. The prize is still in my eyes, however everything I am passing in my speed is too. When you have to fend for yourself, you get a true dose of exactly what you are. You get to see what you can do for yourself, and what you once did for others. While I am happy with the prints I leave on my trail, I'm starting to look back and notice how shallow some of my steps have been; hence my loneliness. From here I can only grow and work to leave a better, bigger print in the world. I will work on moving forward without leaving anyone behind. It is the moments of silence that create this chaos in my mind.

4 comments:

Butler and Bagman said...

Very very good perceptions on your path. Amazing how, with so much path ahead of you, you can still look back and see the footprints you are leaving and question yourself. Normal thing to do...but keep dreaming and keep moving fast while you have youth and energy. You footprints may not be as small as you think...and it is not the size of the footprints anyway but the distance being covered by their accumulation. Go, Nick!

Vitamin B-Lardo said...

Oh I've been missing you everywhere we go since you left :(

bedofroses said...

Me too!
But I know you are following your heart and your dreams!! Wishing you only the best from OH! You deserve it!! Stay Happy, Postive and always smiling!!

Love ya
Bedofroses!!

Queenet said...

Hi Nickie, Your day will come when you least expect it. Follow your journey and don't give up your dream. We miss you and will continue to send positive vibes in your direction.

The "Premier" of my Art Exhibit on Friday night, was awesome with at least 750 total people who attended this week. We had live music, hor deurves, wine and an auction. It was very elegant. I entered 4 pieces, did not sell any, so you see, I am also a "starving artist" in this new endeavor I have approached in my later years!! What a great experience, but I'll continue to take art classes and dream to go to the next level one day. We shall hang in there and strive for accomplishment. I have so much to learn.
Love and miss you, A. Elaine