Mr. Plant and the Sun.

I sat in the garden this morning and talked to the plants. The sun joined us and it was just warm enough that the surface of my skin tingled in its presence. It was the first time I've talked to a plant, but I did so relentlessly and I let out a lot my thoughts. I said, "Mr. Plant, when does life ever make sense?" He danced in the wind and, although it sounds strange, I saw him smile at me as if to say "Life will never make sense. Just keep growing from the worlds resources, and one day you'll be tall enough and strong enough to withstand the wind."

The sun continued to get closer and I knew for a moment that the world that Mr. Plant was talking about was taking me in and offering me warmth.

I continued on and said "Mr. Plant, how come I'm not feeling happy lately?" Mr. Plant used the wind and bumped into the plant next to him. I got it, I thought. He was telling me that we each stand in our own pot, or on our own plot. We must grow, regardless of how those around us are. Enjoy flourishing together, but don't depend on those around you to flourish. In other words, Mr. Plant was telling me to realize that I need to do what I need to do to be happy, and that anyone who is happy for that can join the rise up.

I closed my eyes and thought for awhile. The wind whispered to me "It'll be okay, just move as I do and land on your feet as best as you can" The sun continued to hold onto me and recited a song...."It may be cold somewhere, but its warm right here. I'll shine for you, don't be scared." I joined Mr. Plant as he danced to the song of the sun and I sighed. Mr Plant took rainy days and used them as an opportunity to grow. I shall do the same. I will take what the wind blows, and I will work it out to benefit myself. I will be happy in my own pot and grow the way I want to grow.

Old.

Age aside, I wonder what defines "getting older." Tonight I feel older. I feel like I have eyes that have seen enough to know enough about, well, enough. I feel like I hold answers to questions that I had when I was younger, or I'm full of experience enough to guide others that I see. I don't know why, but right now in this moment I feel as though I'm standing on an extremely solid foundation. Obviously a birthday grants you a year older status, but it can't make you older in the sense I'm wondering about. I don't know if there is a moment in time, a deep breath or a wish upon a star that defines or creates this boldness, but at some point to this point it happened, and I feel older.

I see my friends making decisions. Some of them I congratulate, because I feel as though they are going towards a place of realizing their goals. Others I stare at and wonder if they've thought past the action in regard to the reaction it will cause; not only for themselves, but the others around. I see these decisions being made, but not the thought process that creates them. I have to wonder, how often do we think about what we do. I stand fully for living in the moment and jumping off the ledge, but what goes through our minds as we step towards that ledge matters almost as much as what we are diving towards. As I wonder about this, I wonder if perhaps I see things the way I do, because I don't fully understand the situations in which I'm involved in or my friends confide in me about. The end point here is that whichever end of the scenario you stand on, do your best to understand it from several perspectives. I'm doing this; it will cause this to happen for this person; it will cause that to happen for that person. If after consideration you feel that it is right, than shift your weight to the front of your foot, close your eyes and dive. Don't fall, ever: DIVE.

Also with older eyes, I look at relationships. Not about when you are in one, because I know nothing about that; I am talking about what gets you into one. From meeting a person, getting to know a person, growing more fond of person, and whatever else happens that make things more official. For me, I meet a person, and 99% I don't see them past a friendship. 1% of the time, I can sense possibility and I faithfully pursue the person. In that 1% for me, 99% of my actions go unreturned, yet I still continue to pursue. If the person in consideration doesn't follow through once, I plan again. If they don't follow through again, I justify for them; this cycle continues until moments like now, "older moments" happen and I realize I'm too experiences to be made a fool by anyone. Right now this person (whoever they may be at the time) doesn't matter. There words become hollow, there actions become typical and I become uninterested. It is in these moments that I realize my two feet are beyond capable of moving me forward and keeping me sturdy; I need nobody to assist me with this. To the person I counted on, I let you go.

Old or young, we go through a lot. With our friends, with our hearts. We will fall at times, flourish at others...but as long as we learn constantly we will get to moments like I am having tonight. Be young forever, but let your brain feel old every once in awhile.

NB