Share this world.

This morning I woke up to a silent world. My eyes opened before the sun even began to take its stance for the day. It was peaceful and unsettling at the same time. I was unsettled before I was at peace. The steady pace my life has taken has thrown me into a habit of ignoring emotions. I know that before I finish one challenge, the next will have already begun; thus causing me to stand apathetic through many moments. At four in the morning, when there wasn't a thing I could but think, I took a good look at myself; who I've become.


For the first time in months I opened my window and stared out into a motionless world. All of the cars parked on the streets stood completely still, and barely a sound came from the main road down the way. There was no chatter coming from people walking up and down the street. The moon stood tall, dancing in the sky while it cast a light over the world I usually pass by every day without a notice.

I usually rush around so much that I actually forgot I could see mountains right from my apartment.

As time continued to move forward, I got to see something that really got me inspired: I got to see the world wake up. The stillness of my street shattered as folks woke up and began heading to wherever they build their lives each day. Buildings began standing out more as the sun made its way into today. It was like the entire world started swaying along to the music of the birds that began singing.

I thought about my place in the world as I watched so many other people find theirs.

Each of us have a place in the world. Some are more fortunate than others in realizing their place, but there is one for everyone. It all comes down to aspirations, purposes, preferences and mostly perspective. Each person that I saw today, I though about who they love and who loves them; who depends on them; how they feel about how they spend their time. I felt pretty selfish when I realized that I didn't take enough time to think about others anymore. I spend so much time concentrating on myself and my purpose, that I forgot who I share this world with; this life with.

What I'm getting at, if I'm actually getting at anything, is pay attention to people, even complete strangers. If you can spend enough time noticing other people, you'll feel a lot more sure of the fact that you contribute so much to everything. If you spend so much time invested into the thought of what you are missing in the world, you'll lose touch of the actual world around you.

Your purupose is to live in each moment with the best of intentions. What happens in those moments is all just part of you. How you handle what happens in the moments is all up to you. Look for the good in everything, because I promise you it is there.

Inside.

I love challenge, and I know I can dance in the rain...but sometimes it is much warmer inside...home is the inside.

Day one.

I seem to find my thoughts in jagged motions. They are always there, however, sometimes they are out of my reach. At times, they are very much in my reach. I feel as though I am pretty in tune with who I am, but like every rose has a thorn, every thought has a point. Lately, in the midst of life, I have been having trouble translating these thoughts, or I end up blown away at the meanings I do understand.

Onward bound started off as a place for me to share my experiences in life and if I was lucky enough, someone, one of you, would take something positive from it. I am the sort of person that has to keep things on a schedule, or on even time. I am taking this blog back to where it started. January first. January first of last year, I didn't know who I was. I was on a journey to figure all of that out. One year later (or almost one year later) I am going to appreciate that bliss, and again begin a new journey. I am going to take on LA, with new perspective. Using my new knowledge and understandings, I am going to take day 365 and call it day one. I am going to be new to the city, new to it all...and with a new style of writing and new perspective, I am going to, once again, write about my findings, my life, my journey, my pursuit.

Nick James.

Dear Soldier.

Dear Soldier,
You dedicated your life in order to make my life simple. You spend your time in fear all so I can feel safe when I sleep at night. You raise your gun so that I can experience peace in my days. You stand united so this country can strive.

You made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure that this nation can prosper as a land of opportunity and happiness. You did that. You did that for all of us; your family, friends and millions of complete strangers. I speak for many others when I say, I appreciate your service and will never forgot, or look beyond what you do. Whether you have served, are serving or will serve, you are the reason America stands.

In the time to come, I send my prayers and best of intentions. I will work extremely hard to be the best person I can be, because you make the mold of humanity. You serve with compassion, passion and dedication and for that I respect you entirely.

Thank you again.

A pebble, or a rock.

Compassion. There isn't much I can write that would truly satisfy my interest in this word and its meaning. If you have compassion in everything you do, you will find no trouble in helping others. My father tells me on many occasions..."Nick, its all about the little things we can do that help." The little things add up, and though they may pale in comparison towards what others can accomplish...realize that noone is comparing. Whether you throw a pebble, or a rock...your efforts will be realized.

I am very interested in starting a non-profit, do any of OB's readers know anything about how to begin this journey?

N.B.

Love is...

We wait for it. We wait for it to knock us off of our feet; love is a many splendid thing. We sing about it, write about it, dream about it and live for it. We tell each other, "I love you" when things are happy, scary, sad, etc. Love is the ultimate healing agent when bliss becomes skewed, it is the boundary breaker when happiness is already reached.

I've closed my mind to love for the past year. I laughed in anyone's face if they even tried bringing a "gushy" story up to me. I planted my feet so deep into cement that I knew that I wouldn't fall back into, the self titled, "trap."

As the year grew older, I would notice moments of weakness, more often. I'd have nights where I would want nothing more than to be in that safe feeling place, with the ideal person. I assume it is because I grow more sentimental in the fall and winter months, but lately I am so ready for it. I want to be that split second of an unrealized smile for someone as they see me walk in the room. I want to be the one they call with an amazing story. I would happily be the shoulder they cry on. Love is a many splendid thing.

I had a dream.

I was laying in my bed, it was late. My open book was face down on the bed beside me as I stared at the ceiling. I could feel that something was wrong. Not necessarily, horribly wrong...I just wasn't content in this particular moment. I was seemingly calm, perhaps lulled by the sound of cars zipping past the street outside my home. My focus was clearly anywhere but on the book beside me, and not too committed to the sound of vehicles either. I just talked to the ceiling. My focus broke, however, when I heard the front door open, and footsteps approach. I closed my eyes to pretend to sleep and my heart started pounding. I instantly got those butterflies; the ones that begin in your palms and run through your entire body. I heard footsteps and realized that you were walking around the house, our home, taking care of something. I kept my eyes closed, for some reason...I just remember they would not open; not until I heard your voice. You walked in, in your flannel pajamas and glasses. You immediately smiled, I smiled back at you. My heart kept pounding, but I realized it wasn't fear or uncertainty. It was the pure fact that I was at my house, but I wasn't home until you were with me. It was real, it was simple, it was love.


I get it, atleast for today.

Love on my friends, love on.

N.J.

I don't need any loop-ti-loops.

I want to wake up, look outside my window and see snow erasing all of the familiar surroundings of my neighborhood. I know it is cold out there, but I’m warm and comfortable inside my home; not necessarily because the heater is blowing, but more so because I’m surrounded by the love of home. After gazing in amazement, with a gut filled with excitement I want to take the familiar walk downstairs. When I reach that thirteenth step, I will close my eyes and breathe in the wonderful smells of the holidays. At this particular point in the morning, I am brought to ease as the smell of pine and coffee accumulate in the air. Although it is light out, even brighter because of the snow, the Christmas lights will be blinking on the tree, as if they were dancing to the Christmas music dad has playing in the background. I look over at the couch that Nana used to sleep on when she spent Christmas with us; I am sad, but feel at ease when I feel the love she is sending from Heaven. I take a step to move towards the festivities, but a cold chill takes over my body as I step in a puddle of water, from snow melting off of the shoes in the hallway. I move forward through the living room and right towards the French doors leading into my kitchen. Mom is sipping at her coffee, still in her night gown as she mentally brainstorms the menu for later that evening. Dad is half asleep on the couch listening to the pleasant hum of Christmas music echoing through the house. I instantly grow more cheerful and sing along to the timeless music and fill up my cup of coffee. I notice, though, that for the first time I walked right passed the presents scattered under the tree. While they used to be the pivotal part of my holiday happiness, they now take the back burner. The excitement I feel is the energy in the air, as I know my siblings will be driving over soon and we will all be together like we used to be. Most likely late, everyone begins showing up and we are finally together, safe from the weather, spending Christmas in the best of fashion: Together. We all laugh as Dad mimics the voices of Alvin and the Chipmunks, as he has been doing ever since I could remember. Mom eagerly tries to get us to open our presents, just to see if we like everything she picks out. The presents are the last things on our minds. I can speak for myself when I say that I feel complete just being there as one unit again; the six of us, our personalities, our admiration for one another completes the emptiness that I may have been feeling. Flashbacks of being little continue playing in my mind as Alvin sings about loop-ti-loops. I stand up, in the middle of this comfort, and walk towards the Christmas tree. Dad’s impressive ornament collection still amuses me like it has since I was five. I will turn around, see my family and feel sad at how much change has happened over the years. It isn’t that we love each other less; it is just that we love each other differently, from a distance. My brother cracks a joke and I immediately return to the joy I will feel on this Christmas morning. I sit in between my sisters and we all laugh.

Dear Santa,
That is all I want for Christmas this year.