Onward Bound

The dance of Mr. Plant and Mrs. Moon.

2011-02-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

Mr. Plant, I asked, "Do you get cold when the sun goes down and the warm goes away?" Mr. Plant stood there as he usually does and he wiggled his roots and spread his leaves and I know that he was saying "The sun doesn't always shine my friend, but I hold on to the better times when it was here and I use its warmth, even when its not right around me." I get it I thought. I followed up and said Mr. Plant "when you are feeling sad, how do you become happy again?" Mr. Plant stood taller for the moment before he leaned over and brushed a flower near by. Mr. Plant was telling me there is beauty sewn into this entire world, and when it may not be in one direction, change your perspective and you will find it somewhere new. Mr. Plant smiled in his own way and as he did, the wind blew a pile of dead leaves by. I asked "Does it make you sad to see leaves of the past blow by knowing you may not see them again, Mr. Plant?" Mr. Plant shook his own leaves and drew my attention to a little bud. He was telling me that life is full of wonderful moments and fellows, and when I enjoy them, I do so knowing that they will be gone someday. They are the current that becomes the past. Mr. Plant smiled bigger before his next words. "Without the current becoming the past, I would never know all that my branches can hold and I wouldn't realize the possibilities of my future. Cherish every leaf and friend while they are around and never forgot how happy they made you, but when they fall, don't be too fearful to welcome the new."

Mr. Plant looked the other way while the wind continued to blow. Right past his wisdom filled stance, in his happy little pot, I saw Mrs. Moon. She brought life to the night sky, and while the The Man on the Moon danced to the sound of the evening I heard a song she was singing "Even when the sky is night, the stars shine bright. To find their light, you must look upright." The wind grabbed onto Mr. Plant and the two joined the Man on the Moon and danced under the starlit sky. I watched, happily and I knew a lot more than I did before. Life would bring to me many new moments and people, and I should not think about what each person can bring for me, just that I shared a wonderful moment with them, as best as can be.

Mr. Plant and the Sun.

2011-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

I sat in the garden this morning and talked to the plants. The sun joined us and it was just warm enough that the surface of my skin tingled in its presence. It was the first time I've talked to a plant, but I did so relentlessly and I let out a lot my thoughts. I said, "Mr. Plant, when does life ever make sense?" He danced in the wind and, although it sounds strange, I saw him smile at me as if to say "Life will never make sense. Just keep growing from the worlds resources, and one day you'll be tall enough and strong enough to withstand the wind."

The sun continued to get closer and I knew for a moment that the world that Mr. Plant was talking about was taking me in and offering me warmth.

I continued on and said "Mr. Plant, how come I'm not feeling happy lately?" Mr. Plant used the wind and bumped into the plant next to him. I got it, I thought. He was telling me that we each stand in our own pot, or on our own plot. We must grow, regardless of how those around us are. Enjoy flourishing together, but don't depend on those around you to flourish. In other words, Mr. Plant was telling me to realize that I need to do what I need to do to be happy, and that anyone who is happy for that can join the rise up.

I closed my eyes and thought for awhile. The wind whispered to me "It'll be okay, just move as I do and land on your feet as best as you can" The sun continued to hold onto me and recited a song...."It may be cold somewhere, but its warm right here. I'll shine for you, don't be scared." I joined Mr. Plant as he danced to the song of the sun and I sighed. Mr Plant took rainy days and used them as an opportunity to grow. I shall do the same. I will take what the wind blows, and I will work it out to benefit myself. I will be happy in my own pot and grow the way I want to grow.

Old.

2011-01-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

Age aside, I wonder what defines "getting older." Tonight I feel older. I feel like I have eyes that have seen enough to know enough about, well, enough. I feel like I hold answers to questions that I had when I was younger, or I'm full of experience enough to guide others that I see. I don't know why, but right now in this moment I feel as though I'm standing on an extremely solid foundation. Obviously a birthday grants you a year older status, but it can't make you older in the sense I'm wondering about. I don't know if there is a moment in time, a deep breath or a wish upon a star that defines or creates this boldness, but at some point to this point it happened, and I feel older.

I see my friends making decisions. Some of them I congratulate, because I feel as though they are going towards a place of realizing their goals. Others I stare at and wonder if they've thought past the action in regard to the reaction it will cause; not only for themselves, but the others around. I see these decisions being made, but not the thought process that creates them. I have to wonder, how often do we think about what we do. I stand fully for living in the moment and jumping off the ledge, but what goes through our minds as we step towards that ledge matters almost as much as what we are diving towards. As I wonder about this, I wonder if perhaps I see things the way I do, because I don't fully understand the situations in which I'm involved in or my friends confide in me about. The end point here is that whichever end of the scenario you stand on, do your best to understand it from several perspectives. I'm doing this; it will cause this to happen for this person; it will cause that to happen for that person. If after consideration you feel that it is right, than shift your weight to the front of your foot, close your eyes and dive. Don't fall, ever: DIVE.

Also with older eyes, I look at relationships. Not about when you are in one, because I know nothing about that; I am talking about what gets you into one. From meeting a person, getting to know a person, growing more fond of person, and whatever else happens that make things more official. For me, I meet a person, and 99% I don't see them past a friendship. 1% of the time, I can sense possibility and I faithfully pursue the person. In that 1% for me, 99% of my actions go unreturned, yet I still continue to pursue. If the person in consideration doesn't follow through once, I plan again. If they don't follow through again, I justify for them; this cycle continues until moments like now, "older moments" happen and I realize I'm too experiences to be made a fool by anyone. Right now this person (whoever they may be at the time) doesn't matter. There words become hollow, there actions become typical and I become uninterested. It is in these moments that I realize my two feet are beyond capable of moving me forward and keeping me sturdy; I need nobody to assist me with this. To the person I counted on, I let you go.

Old or young, we go through a lot. With our friends, with our hearts. We will fall at times, flourish at others...but as long as we learn constantly we will get to moments like I am having tonight. Be young forever, but let your brain feel old every once in awhile.

NB

Direction.

2010-12-06T15:26:00.000-08:00

The general direction of your life, although obviously a constant motion, is never quite clear. Often times one thinks he or she is moving a certain direction, when actually the route they are on is simply a path towards an completely different direction. Sometimes you must head West to eventually go South. The idea here is that rather than spending time determining the direction, spend time discovering how you fit in and interact with what makes the route unique in itself.

Every turn I take, I realize I wasn't where I thought I was. I'm often far ahead of the game, or, during bad times, falling behind. There is great importance in keeping up with the pace of life and accepting it, for we have no great control over where we ultimately end up. There is no clear beginning or ends to situations, because, again, these paths are unpredictable; you never know when you will have to cross already treaded ground to get to a brand new landscape. Don't burn a fire to destroy anywhere you've been.

Accept everything life shows you along your way. It is all beautiful and it is all meaningful.

My modeling page.

2010-10-14T22:28:00.003-07:00

Hey all!

In case you are interested, you can see and follow my upcoming modeling adventures at www.modelmayhem.com/nickybelardo

Let me know what ya'll think! NickJames18@aol.com

NJB

Today I lit a candle.

2010-10-10T23:43:00.001-07:00

I want to be cold with the winter winds blowing so fiercely that I can barely stand it. I want the bottoms of my pants to be soaking wet with evidence that the winter storms have begun, acting as a sign to cling to anything that will keep me warm. That is how I grew up in the midwest. I want to look out the window of my childhood home and see the street covered, knee high in snow, knowing that I'd have to venture through the white blanket to reach any destination.

As cold as it could be outside, home was always warm and welcoming. The bay window peppered with Santa figurines and the latest addition to my mother's snowman decoration collection, always seemed to stand as a symbol to the holiday season. I'd stare at those decorations and couldn't help but notice the constant downfall of snow cover the ground, seemingly giving me a fresh, clean slate to start all over. It was like the world, once again, was painted white and I was offered the opportunity to repaint the scenery.

I want to start all over again. I want to be a little boy crowded around the table with my entire family, immediate and not, laughing and sharing stories. I want the smell of holiday meals to take over the air and the sound of my families chatter to dominate the house.

I'll be home for Christmas. I'll be there to take in every moment, more so than I ever have. I'll be home to share the company of a strong woman, who deserves to be healthy. She's shared every part of her life and now I will stand up as the man she helped me to become and share all that I have to see to it that she has many years to spend with our family.

Today I lit a candle. I did so with the intention of having it burn for all that I've had and all that I want it to remain, and become. I pray for the health of my loved ones. I pray for their opportunities to continue to come in the plenty and their hearts to be fulfilled with love and accomplishment. I pray for their health, their strength and their resilience. I pray for the blood within their veins to continue flowing with loyalty, humility and pride.

To you.

2010-10-03T19:05:00.001-07:00

We all deserve to be happy. Nobody should disagree with that. If you are a human who has felt any ounce of pain or discomfort, you know you don't want to feel it again. It blows my mind that there are people out there that ruthlessly cause those feelings for other people.

The recent string of suicides due to bullying that we've all been hearing about in the news not only break my heart, but really make me mad. It isn't fair. We all live in this world. We entered it the same way as one another, full of life and opportunity. The term growing up shouldn't just include your age, but the way you act. Your first word should be the first step to the many you'll learn and the ways in which you use them. Use your words in a positive way, for the love of God.

Anyone out there who believes that homosexuality is so offensive that they feel the need to hurt another person is absolutely a dense person. I say that point blank and with full belief in it. I don't disagree with the fact that people can disagree, but its how you deal with your differences. I hope that everyone who has bullied or hurt another person with their words can feel that pain one day. Perhaps when they have children who just can't fit in.

To anyone out there who hates other people, I address this to you.

To the person who made another person cry, because what you saw you didn't like. I wish you all the very best that life has to offer. Because that's what I believe. I believe we all deserve to run fast, laugh loud and love fearlessly. One foot in front of the other, just like I move forward, I wish you to move the same. I hope you never feel left out, like you don't have a place in this world. I hope all those hateful words you choose to share, that you produce with no thought or reason, never get thrown back at you. I pray for you, that you never wake up with fear, because you don't know that the room you walk into will have anyone in it that welcomes you. I hope all of this for you.
And I hope your children never feel the wrath of someones hate. I hope they never go home from school and cry themselves to sleep. I hope that they never see "fag" carved into the side of their car, or garbage dumped on top of it. I hope that they have the opportunity to meet someone else and fall in love, with no reservations of doing so.
I wish you the very best, and I wish for you to have the chance to wake up and feel the same way about everyone. Its a big world and people like you make it feel like a shoebox. Closed, small and uncomfortable. Understand, however, that the more you beat something down, the stronger it will become. You may need someone someday that you never thought you would. Treat everyone that way so that when you are dying for a drink of water someone will share with you, because they see your worth. They see all you deserve to accomplish.
We all deserve good things.

I offer this to anyone who cannot help but be mean.

I pray for those who lost their lives because of the pain someone else caused.

And to those who aren't sure they belong, you do. I accept you and a lot of people in this world do. You are a wonderful person, no matter what anyone says. Look in the mirror and see all that you are.

Swiftly passing.

2010-09-26T00:25:00.001-07:00

The autumn has arrived. Only this time, for only the second time in my life leaves aren't changing and the air isn't cooling.

There was always something comforting about the first day out wearing a sweatshirt and seeing how the Fall painted over the images of summer I played in for the past several months. The sounds of the local marching band whispering in my ears always became the soundtrack of the season and surely I knew that with the change of scenery would be a change in my life. Almost like an alarm clock began buzzing away, a part of my soul wakes up during each fall. I see similar things very differently, my attitude towards everything changes and I become an older person.

I was born in the fall. A yellow and orange world welcomed me--a season where families naturally become stronger and celebrations are in the plenty. I often wonder if being a fall baby is the reason I find so many things celebration worthy. Or maybe its the reason I believe in the spirit of a strong family.

Out west, the leaves don't change, people don't paint the town orange and, well, I haven't heard a marching band or watched a football game for the two years I've been gone from Ohio. This is simple enough and, truly, not too hard to deal with. The absence of the symbols I grew up associating with the Fall have faded, but my mind see's things differently. This is my time for a new beginning; a step towards my adult life where I turn old traditions into memories and begin building the traditions I will pass along to my future family. I will never, however, forget all I grew up to know.

September has come and is swiftly passing. I'll always see old Dales Court when I close my eyes; little me dressed up running down the street with my father, eager to catch the school buss. Or the image of leaves piled up in the yard as my mother and I set off to Maple Farms to buy apples and take wagon rides. I remember my first football practice and my first time under Friday night lights. The images are so bittersweet to me.

I look forward to cherishing those moments forever and I look forward to creating my own. September has come and October will pass quickly. This November I will age yet another year, but will always have my young heart.

Everyone deserves love, laughter and the sky as their limit.

2010-09-24T23:46:00.000-07:00

You don't know what the people you know have seen, fought through, cried through, worked so hard to get through...all you know is that they survived and are always getting better. Be a positive influence in peoples lives. There are people who love them dearly and would be heart broken to know that their ...loved one isn't being treated right. Everyone deserves love, laughter and the sky as their limit.

Love something wildly today.

2010-09-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

Just a few quick thoughts for the evening. Consider these following bullet points when dealing with other people.

-Be excited for another person in a genuine way. If someone constantly cheers you on, asks follow up questions in regards to situations in your life or even just encourages you often, do the same for them. They aren't looking for you to, but it feels good to know that the person you root for may be rooting for you too.

-Be consistent. If you are dealing romantically with someone, know what you want and act upon it. If you are sure you are interested in pursuing someone, call them, keep in touch with them, flirt, etc. If you are unsure about the person, tell them you are unsure. It is not proper or polite to make someone fall for you if you don't know that you'll be there to catch them. Return phone calls, MAKE phone calls, listen to them and remember what you hear and always communicate. Most of the time, it is a lot easier to find your way home when you haven't walked too far down the path. Don't walk someone to the middle of the forrest and leave them there.

-Small things count. Throughout your day, no matter how busy you think you are, perform small acts that let your friends or loved ones know that they matter. The very thing that keeps us disconnected in a real way, can be used in a good way to let that special someone know you are thinking about them. Call them, if you have five minutes. Text them, if you have a few minutes. Facebook them, if you have a two minutes. Twitter them, if you have 150 characters worth of time. The social patterns of todays world have made it so easy to communicate in micro ways. Do so, so as to not make the said person feel micro.

-Keep quiet. Your opinions are so important and they validate the fact that you are intelligent enough to think one way or another about something. THIS DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. If you have a problem with something that is happening and it indirectly affects you, get over it. Put a pillow over your ears, turn up your Ipod, or take a nap. There is too much hate in this world and if every small things causes a reaction of yelling and hate, than this world is off to a terrible place. If something affects you directly, than handle it like an adult. Don't insult, terrorize or bring down another person. Talk it out. Together you and your opposer can reach a mature disagreement.

-Stay positive. Your life isn't bad, trust me. It isn't. We are in America where its hard to have a bad life. If you are sleeping, peeing and eating on a park bench, move on to the next bullet point. Smile at a stranger, it really will change your fate. Look at the bright side, which is often easier than you think. Laugh at life's ironies. If you think people are stupid, you are stupid too, trust me...we all are.

-Put your phone down. Enjoy the company of those around you. Make a habit of turning of your phone when you are spending time with someone. If everyone is like me, they will want to punch you when they stare at the back of your stupid phone all night. This applies to certain settings, such as dates, or one on one dinners at a less than fast-food vibe sort of restaurant.

-Control your children. If you manage to make a Taco Bell look terribly worst because your children are running about out of control, then fix the problem. Discipline will lead to the many wonderful things, including an early understanding of the great points featured in this post.

Love something wildly today. In other words, harvest passion. Put your heart and soul into something. Whether it be your work, your love or your hobbies-- do something so intensely that it becomes a SOLE representation of your soul. Leave your mark on something so solidly that you will know, that no matter what, you've created something unique to yourself. Nobody can take that from you. Love something wildly today. Everyday.

NB

Quick thoughts.

2010-09-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

I understand more everyday, the power of working hard to get what you want. Its not all fate...its more so a mix of hope, which is belief that it can happen, and the actions you put behind it all to make it happen.

The view out my window.

2010-07-19T12:08:00.001-07:00

Right now I am sitting on my bed, staring out the window. The temperature of the air as it inflates my lungs strikes me as familiar. Suddenly I'm a child again, staring out the window of the bedroom I grew up in. The familiar scenes of the cul-de-sac where I grew up became vivid. I saw myself playing catch with my father, learning to ride my bike, running around with my siblings as they dribbled a soccer ball or played street hockey with the other neighborhood kids. The air that inflated my lungs as I swung with my mother on the front yard swing is just like the air that I am inhaling right now.

I taste the foods of my childhood too. My grandmothers pasta dish that she cooked whenever occasion allowed. My mothers staple dishes that she so often prepared. I taste chocolate milkshakes sipped out of blue straws that my great grandmother served every summer afternoon I spent exploring the world of her home.

Today I'm looking back and livng every moment from there to now as best I can. I'd do anything to relive those moments. To hear my father speak to me like a child again, singing his famous "I love your little feet" song. Or to have my mother sit with me on the couch and rub my back as I tried to convince her of all my crazy ideas. I want to dance in the living room with my older sister, or "fight" in the yard with my brother and I want to spend my summer working my first job with my youngest sister again. I'd love to sit and hear the comedy of my gradmother as she joked about life in her recliner. I want the familiar banter of family friends crowded around the kitchen table playing poker and laughing relentlessly. I want all of those moments back again so I can truly understand what they meant and how amazing they were. I want to go back and have every conversation again and appreciate what everyone was saying, the ideas they were teaching me. I want to never have raised my voice to my folks or disrespected them in anyway. I wish I made no excuses and visited my grandparents more.

I want the smells, tatstes and sounds of my childhood back. Because the view out my window today isn't comfort, it isn't home. Here I sit today, moved so far forward but I cannot look anywhere but back.

I wear watches with no batteries in them, because I find it hard to carry the reminder of time with me. Because I've had some amazing moments in time, but I can never have them back.

Fireworks.

2010-07-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of how fortunate my life on this planet is. It hit me on a hot Arizona night, in a truck bed watching fireworks, surrounded by people I love. As we all shared each other’s company and the view of Fourth of July fireworks blasting over the pitch black silhouettes of the mountains, I looked around and couldn’t help but cherish the memory being made, and all of the memories made before this perfect night. Perhaps it was the still of the night, or the absence of Los Angeles’s sky rises, but everything that is good was clear to me for the first time, in quite some time. Every deadline, headline, responsibility, place to be , time restriction, feeling of rejection, feeling of stress, and the list goes on and on ,disappeared; standing where all of the negativity was, was the blatant truth of life’s big secret. Give love, receive love and cherish the moments with those you share love with. A true mark of success is not solely the amount of recognition you receive, or the big paycheck you earn; success is letting people in who support you, love you and are enthused by every step you take towards where you want to be.

I have the best support system in the world. On my crazy adventure, I have had some of the most amazing people by my side through every action. What was truly remarkable about this specific weekend was the fact that I had, in one place, key individuals from each chapter of my life. An Individual who witnessed the day I was born, individuals who shared my life through middle school, high school, college and now my first steps into the real world, and an individual who joined the ride upon my arrival in Los Angeles. Standing in one place, it felt as though the ghost of life’s past and present came together to tell me that the future will be comprised of incredible moments and genuine happiness. I have faith in knowing that however they are connected, or why doesn’t matter. What matters most to me now is in these moments recognizing who loves me and who I love. I have just as many letters in a pile on my counter as a do bills, I have just as many struggles as I do triumphs and I have so much more ambition than fear…and through it all I have the biggest forces on my side: My family and my closest friends

And like fireworks, you are all a booming part of my life. No matter how dark the sky may be or how loud life can get, your presence will always dominate who I am with beauty and color.

I address this to you.

Thank you for pushing me, catching me, guiding me, letting me get lost, and being there for me with open arms when I come back from being lost. If ever I am down or stuck with muddle, I will always think of you and become the best version of my past and present and will meet you in the future with gratitude and love.

Direction.

2010-06-17T16:20:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you have a direction in mind; an idea about where your life is going. You see this direction and you can see yourself following it. Then suddenly it strikes you that every turn, even wrong ones are some sense of direction. No matter which way you turn; left, right, right, wrong, you will end up facing the fact that you will experience something that will teach you something and guide you somewhere.

I encourage everyone to have goals. Not a mystery of life. With a place to go, we are more likely to move towards somewhere. By moving somewhere, we never settle in acceptance of where we naturally are. It is a beautiful part of life. The idea that we can be somewhere pre-determined for us and with a little bit of elbow grease and a whole lot of hope we can alter it and become somewhere where we truly can find happiness.

Don't be afraid to take an alternate route. A dream is a destination. The journey to the dream will never be solidified. Embrace where life takes you, move forward with passion, with your dream in mind. Any movement at all, is something to be appreciated.

N.B

Happy?

2010-05-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

Happy: A book I am reading and a journey I am on. Breath for breath I am experiencing more each day. Each "more" is making me more or less of what I was before. And in the abundance of responsibility and goals to accomplish I try to find time to contemplate exactly what it all means. What about what I do makes me happy? Is it the thought that it will get me to something greater...or is it the idea that I will get discovered, get rich, get loved, or get better? Perhaps its simply the idea that the very people I rely on to love me will love me more...or at all. I know I am loved, so why is that not good enough? Some moments I try to be a greater person by playing my heart strings to create a symphony of tones I am proud of...on weaker days I play a violin to the thoughts of everything I don't have.

I wish I could spend more time filling my table with company I am honored to keep and conversation so wild it never leaves my memory or love so passionate I lose my breath, but I don't; I spend more time cementing a wall in front of me. This wall is intricately built...with just enough cracks in the middle that someone could see through a little...but if they choose to look thoroughly, they will only find the lights off...an unfortunate choice I make.

The "me" I present is happily alone, on a journey, on my own two feet....but the me that could truly be happy keeps wonderful company, speaks wildly, and loves passionately.

I need to let people back in. Thats what my mother keeps telling me. The last time she saw me, she said she could it in my eyes that I'm losing the ability to be touched, to truly let someone in. She is right. I don't feel.

Except right now.

At this very instance, I literally feel like there is a ball of concentrated energy just waiting to break outside of me. I can feel it shaking my legs as it makes a pursuit to my lungs in the form of a big burst of air just wanting to scream.

AHHHH!

I scream. I smile. I get what it is I need to accomplish personally. I will, eventually. When I can stop living for anything other than myself. When I can get over my fear of being loved by someone other than my family. Eventually I'll truly accept me and refuse to let anyone not accept me so much that I compromise what makes me smile.

I recently congratulated my sister for loving fearlessly...one day I will too.

Cheers my friends,

N.J.

Look up and see the sky.

2010-02-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

We live in a world run by a society that I just cannot seem to understand. A man can’t be looked at without being assigned a definition based on what he looks like. A child may never get a chance because their parent couldn’t follow through. A woman cannot love another woman with the support of her fellow human. In one world, we are all so divided; and that I cannot understand.

Call me a dreamer, but I live my life with the idea that we all have the opportunity to seek what makes up happy. If a child wants to grow up and be the greatest basketball player ever, than they can or at least they can try. If a black man wants to be the president of a wonderful nation, than he can. If a man wants to express his love to another man, than he can, just like any other two people can. This is how I live my life and this is how I will teach my children to live theirs.

Many things are difficult to obtain in life; many things are becoming even more difficult to obtain. If money grew on trees, than there is a drought. If love was in the air, than the air supply is demolishing. If someone stumbles across happiness, than by God they deserve it.

Today I was walking down the street in an area where I may have been the only person who knew English well enough to live by it. My mind was crowded so I set out to relieve stress and get some fresh air. I was walking at such a pace my heart began pounding through my chest like a kick drum. My pace grew more intent with my thoughts and all of a sudden a woman caught my eye and smiled at me. As if all of the commotion in my mind hit a wall, I smiled back and, I kid you not, felt as though I could breathe for the first time today.

This changed the avenue that my thought process was taking completely. In an area where poverty is as apparent as traffic in a city, happiness is still available; and that woman and her smile showed me that directly. I started smiling at folks as we passed one another, and sure enough they smiled back. For the first time I noticed something that applies to everyone, not just me in this specific situation.

We all speak different languages in one way or another. Different things make different people happy. We all see the world around us with different perspectives and ideas. We all speak different languages.

No matter how I see things, I will never allow myself to deprive anyone from happiness, because it may be all they have. I will never ask a dog to stop wagging their tale, or ask a happy child to quiet their laughter, I’ll never let a smile go without a return and I will never tell someone their happiness isn’t okay. No matter what language I speak, my smile is universal and I will live by that. No matter how different I am from anyone around me, we both look up and see the sky. I will let that sky be the only limit we have.

I want this world to be a happy place, full of opportunities for everyone, equally.

Share this world.

2010-01-27T13:15:00.001-08:00

This morning I woke up to a silent world. My eyes opened before the sun even began to take its stance for the day. It was peaceful and unsettling at the same time. I was unsettled before I was at peace. The steady pace my life has taken has thrown me into a habit of ignoring emotions. I know that before I finish one challenge, the next will have already begun; thus causing me to stand apathetic through many moments. At four in the morning, when there wasn't a thing I could but think, I took a good look at myself; who I've become.

For the first time in months I opened my window and stared out into a motionless world. All of the cars parked on the streets stood completely still, and barely a sound came from the main road down the way. There was no chatter coming from people walking up and down the street. The moon stood tall, dancing in the sky while it cast a light over the world I usually pass by every day without a notice.

I usually rush around so much that I actually forgot I could see mountains right from my apartment.

As time continued to move forward, I got to see something that really got me inspired: I got to see the world wake up. The stillness of my street shattered as folks woke up and began heading to wherever they build their lives each day. Buildings began standing out more as the sun made its way into today. It was like the entire world started swaying along to the music of the birds that began singing.

I thought about my place in the world as I watched so many other people find theirs.

Each of us have a place in the world. Some are more fortunate than others in realizing their place, but there is one for everyone. It all comes down to aspirations, purposes, preferences and mostly perspective. Each person that I saw today, I though about who they love and who loves them; who depends on them; how they feel about how they spend their time. I felt pretty selfish when I realized that I didn't take enough time to think about others anymore. I spend so much time concentrating on myself and my purpose, that I forgot who I share this world with; this life with.

What I'm getting at, if I'm actually getting at anything, is pay attention to people, even complete strangers. If you can spend enough time noticing other people, you'll feel a lot more sure of the fact that you contribute so much to everything. If you spend so much time invested into the thought of what you are missing in the world, you'll lose touch of the actual world around you.

Your purupose is to live in each moment with the best of intentions. What happens in those moments is all just part of you. How you handle what happens in the moments is all up to you. Look for the good in everything, because I promise you it is there.

Inside.

2009-12-27T20:00:00.001-08:00

I love challenge, and I know I can dance in the rain...but sometimes it is much warmer inside...home is the inside.

Day one.

2009-12-22T22:10:00.001-08:00

I seem to find my thoughts in jagged motions. They are always there, however, sometimes they are out of my reach. At times, they are very much in my reach. I feel as though I am pretty in tune with who I am, but like every rose has a thorn, every thought has a point. Lately, in the midst of life, I have been having trouble translating these thoughts, or I end up blown away at the meanings I do understand.

Onward bound started off as a place for me to share my experiences in life and if I was lucky enough, someone, one of you, would take something positive from it. I am the sort of person that has to keep things on a schedule, or on even time. I am taking this blog back to where it started. January first. January first of last year, I didn't know who I was. I was on a journey to figure all of that out. One year later (or almost one year later) I am going to appreciate that bliss, and again begin a new journey. I am going to take on LA, with new perspective. Using my new knowledge and understandings, I am going to take day 365 and call it day one. I am going to be new to the city, new to it all...and with a new style of writing and new perspective, I am going to, once again, write about my findings, my life, my journey, my pursuit.

Nick James.

Dear Soldier.

2009-11-11T09:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Soldier,
You dedicated your life in order to make my life simple. You spend your time in fear all so I can feel safe when I sleep at night. You raise your gun so that I can experience peace in my days. You stand united so this country can strive.

You made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure that this nation can prosper as a land of opportunity and happiness. You did that. You did that for all of us; your family, friends and millions of complete strangers. I speak for many others when I say, I appreciate your service and will never forgot, or look beyond what you do. Whether you have served, are serving or will serve, you are the reason America stands.

In the time to come, I send my prayers and best of intentions. I will work extremely hard to be the best person I can be, because you make the mold of humanity. You serve with compassion, passion and dedication and for that I respect you entirely.

Thank you again.

A pebble, or a rock.

2009-11-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

Compassion. There isn't much I can write that would truly satisfy my interest in this word and its meaning. If you have compassion in everything you do, you will find no trouble in helping others. My father tells me on many occasions..."Nick, its all about the little things we can do that help." The little things add up, and though they may pale in comparison towards what others can accomplish...realize that noone is comparing. Whether you throw a pebble, or a rock...your efforts will be realized.

I am very interested in starting a non-profit, do any of OB's readers know anything about how to begin this journey?

N.B.

Love is...

2009-11-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

We wait for it. We wait for it to knock us off of our feet; love is a many splendid thing. We sing about it, write about it, dream about it and live for it. We tell each other, "I love you" when things are happy, scary, sad, etc. Love is the ultimate healing agent when bliss becomes skewed, it is the boundary breaker when happiness is already reached.

I've closed my mind to love for the past year. I laughed in anyone's face if they even tried bringing a "gushy" story up to me. I planted my feet so deep into cement that I knew that I wouldn't fall back into, the self titled, "trap."

As the year grew older, I would notice moments of weakness, more often. I'd have nights where I would want nothing more than to be in that safe feeling place, with the ideal person. I assume it is because I grow more sentimental in the fall and winter months, but lately I am so ready for it. I want to be that split second of an unrealized smile for someone as they see me walk in the room. I want to be the one they call with an amazing story. I would happily be the shoulder they cry on. Love is a many splendid thing.

I had a dream.

I was laying in my bed, it was late. My open book was face down on the bed beside me as I stared at the ceiling. I could feel that something was wrong. Not necessarily, horribly wrong...I just wasn't content in this particular moment. I was seemingly calm, perhaps lulled by the sound of cars zipping past the street outside my home. My focus was clearly anywhere but on the book beside me, and not too committed to the sound of vehicles either. I just talked to the ceiling. My focus broke, however, when I heard the front door open, and footsteps approach. I closed my eyes to pretend to sleep and my heart started pounding. I instantly got those butterflies; the ones that begin in your palms and run through your entire body. I heard footsteps and realized that you were walking around the house, our home, taking care of something. I kept my eyes closed, for some reason...I just remember they would not open; not until I heard your voice. You walked in, in your flannel pajamas and glasses. You immediately smiled, I smiled back at you. My heart kept pounding, but I realized it wasn't fear or uncertainty. It was the pure fact that I was at my house, but I wasn't home until you were with me. It was real, it was simple, it was love.

I get it, atleast for today.

Love on my friends, love on.

N.J.

I don't need any loop-ti-loops.

2009-10-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

I want to wake up, look outside my window and see snow erasing all of the familiar surroundings of my neighborhood. I know it is cold out there, but I’m warm and comfortable inside my home; not necessarily because the heater is blowing, but more so because I’m surrounded by the love of home. After gazing in amazement, with a gut filled with excitement I want to take the familiar walk downstairs. When I reach that thirteenth step, I will close my eyes and breathe in the wonderful smells of the holidays. At this particular point in the morning, I am brought to ease as the smell of pine and coffee accumulate in the air. Although it is light out, even brighter because of the snow, the Christmas lights will be blinking on the tree, as if they were dancing to the Christmas music dad has playing in the background. I look over at the couch that Nana used to sleep on when she spent Christmas with us; I am sad, but feel at ease when I feel the love she is sending from Heaven. I take a step to move towards the festivities, but a cold chill takes over my body as I step in a puddle of water, from snow melting off of the shoes in the hallway. I move forward through the living room and right towards the French doors leading into my kitchen. Mom is sipping at her coffee, still in her night gown as she mentally brainstorms the menu for later that evening. Dad is half asleep on the couch listening to the pleasant hum of Christmas music echoing through the house. I instantly grow more cheerful and sing along to the timeless music and fill up my cup of coffee. I notice, though, that for the first time I walked right passed the presents scattered under the tree. While they used to be the pivotal part of my holiday happiness, they now take the back burner. The excitement I feel is the energy in the air, as I know my siblings will be driving over soon and we will all be together like we used to be. Most likely late, everyone begins showing up and we are finally together, safe from the weather, spending Christmas in the best of fashion: Together. We all laugh as Dad mimics the voices of Alvin and the Chipmunks, as he has been doing ever since I could remember. Mom eagerly tries to get us to open our presents, just to see if we like everything she picks out. The presents are the last things on our minds. I can speak for myself when I say that I feel complete just being there as one unit again; the six of us, our personalities, our admiration for one another completes the emptiness that I may have been feeling. Flashbacks of being little continue playing in my mind as Alvin sings about loop-ti-loops. I stand up, in the middle of this comfort, and walk towards the Christmas tree. Dad’s impressive ornament collection still amuses me like it has since I was five. I will turn around, see my family and feel sad at how much change has happened over the years. It isn’t that we love each other less; it is just that we love each other differently, from a distance. My brother cracks a joke and I immediately return to the joy I will feel on this Christmas morning. I sit in between my sisters and we all laugh.

Dear Santa,
That is all I want for Christmas this year.

Creative Spirit.

2009-10-06T22:46:00.001-07:00

If you look closely into the eyes of an individual that sparks any of your creative spirit, you will certainly find a unique connection. I stand tall on the fact that I create and share positive energy and a creative spirit; therefore I search for same qualified people.

As you go about your day to day life, take time to find those who inspire you. When you come across these individuals don't just pass them by. Share with them, and they will share with you.

The Line of Neutrality

2009-10-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

For those of you have been reading Onward Bound, you are sure to know my theory on expectations. I am constantly bringing you through the literary version of my experiences and I always seem to begin them with “NO EXPECTATIONS.” This motto seems simple on the surface, but it has become a less than shallow mentality that I have harvested into a way of life. A way of life I call ‘The Line of Neutrality.’

In order to begin understanding this way of life, you must take time to truly reflect on the way you begin your endeavors. Do you jump in head first? Do you paint the picture of the outcome in your mind? Do you assume you will fail? Any of the above pre-determined ideas go against neutrality. To be neutral you have to understand that every trial has an outcome. The outcome, no matter how you slice or dice it, plays out as the good or the bad. However, part of the process is understanding that good can be GREAT and bad isn’t that bad. To help you understand I will describe a scenario in my life and I will specifically apply ‘The Line of Neutrality.”

Onward Bound is a blog that was birthed upon my departure from Ohio to pursue my dreams in California. The simple idea is that I would move to Los Angeles, go on auditions and get discovered…or I wouldn’t. One is good, the other is bad. To avoid this “one or the other” outcome, I drew a line of neutrality right across reality. On the line was open mindedness; in other words NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL LEARN SO MUCH, SEE SO MUCH AND GROW SO MUCH. Above the line is GET DISCOVERED AND LIVE YOUR DREAMS. Below the line is COMPLETELY FAIL. From bottom to top, here are my ideals. I don’t believe in anything that happens below the line. Failure isn’t real if you stand neutral. Above the line isn’t good, it is great…it is what you aimed for. On the line is the neutral standpoint, which if you apply correctly, is good. Find the silver lining if you can’t find the gold.

Once the line of neutrality is drawn, you essentially have your line of expectations. If you leave your expectations on the line the following will always hold true. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN YOU EXPECTED OR YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A NEGATIVE OUTCOME.

This is a mindset, understand. You have the truly put the effort into EVERY situations when trying to apply “The Line.” It has been two years and I am just starting to get the hang of it. I am happy 95% of the time, a quality I credit to ‘The Line of Neutrality.’ If any readers plan on adopting this mindset, I would be elated to hear about your trials. Keep me in the loop!

Always walk the line,
N.J.

New Season.

2009-10-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

As the summer heat lingers away and is replaced by the autumn breeze, I know, for certain, that a season in my life is changing too. Although it is much more subtle, I can absolutely feel a change in my personality; a change peppered with motivation and calmness. I've learned that patience is one of my best friends and that with it I will reach my destination with most of my sanity. Perhaps the entire world takes a big, deep breath upon Fall's arrival, because I just feel calm.

Awhile back, when I stopped updating my blog, I began keeping a list; a bucket list. This list was composed of short term goals and hopes. On the list was to make an appearance on a television show or movie; even if I just walked through a scene. I got myself involved with an agency that books that exact type of work. I am so excited to begin my life adventure in film.
On my list, I also included singing at a major sports game. I excitedly will be auditioning to sing "God Bless America" at a Los Angeles King's game! High hopes, but no expectations, of course!

For those of you who are my blogging community, I only find it fair to update you on my journey; since you all were part of it in the beginning.

I am in my new apartment, about a mile away from Downtown Los Angeles. It is a nice vintage home with a deck overlooking Hollywood.

I am still working for Club Nokia at LA Live, except now I work in the VIP section. I still stand in an elevator, but I am grateful. The newest update in my employment record is one that I am so excited about. I finally found a job that allows me to work as an entertainer. I am a proud member of the Los Angeles King's Ice Crew. My team and I are responsible for making sure that the fans have the most stellar time possible at all of the games. I've gotten so many great experiences so far!

I am working with a producer on a demo right now. Pursuing music is my passion and I love every minute of the journey. I know, deep down in my soul, that music is my destiny. I am working towards getting something for you all to listen to. I truly hope you enjoy it.

Although I am in a different place, a different mind set and a new season...I am still Nick James, the writer you all grew to know. I feel sorry that I fell so far out of the loop, but affording my life has taken up so much time. I am going to work my hardest to get back in the community. PLEASE let me know how you all are doing.

N.J
NickJames18@aol.com

Fear not the peradventure.

2009-08-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

Can anyone truly find words to describe when something takes your breath away? Is there a way to form literature around one of the most unique feelings in the world? If there is, it is beyond me. I feel it so often, but too often I cannot create a proper description to do it justice. I guess that is why I appreciate these breathtaking moments the most. They are only yours, to keep forever; because there is no true way to depict the emotion, feeling and imprint to any other individual.
I am quoting myself right now, because I truly enjoy what I said today.
Fear not the peradventure, for it will take you somewhere new.

Dance in uncertainty, rest on a chance…there are no true promises in life, so don’t allow yourself to wait around for them. Leap a wider gap, swim against a stronger current, peer deeper into the mirror to challenge your ghosts. At the end of the day, if you take a risk, you will grow proud of whom you are. If you stand with pride, you won’t fall for vanities and weaknesses. You are you, and the only thing you should worry about is being the best version possible.

Cool breeze.

2009-08-06T14:28:00.001-07:00

As the cool breeze sneaks through my window, I cannot help but feel it represents the clean slate I am now drawing on. For the past seven months, I moved so far forward, but with weights on my ankles. I lived in an apartment that was not mine. I relied on other people’s schedules. I couldn’t get anywhere without someone else to get me there. Everything, now, has changed. I moved into an apartment that never seizes to blow my mind when I think that I accomplished making it mine. I have a car that isn’t too shabby either. I have a new job, that doesn’t seem much like work to me. I continue to meet people who, to my surprise, are becoming decent friends.
With all of this surrounding me, I cannot help but feel that my spirits have been inevitably lifted.

I did it. I put my money where my mouth was and made a life for myself in the land of dreams. I have all the resources that I need to remain mentally strong and constantly moving. I am working on getting myself way more involved in the pursuit and will hopefully accomplish more of my goals now.

As the wind dances through my home, I know that these are the moments in life that matter the most in the end. The moments when you look back and sigh with relief are the ones that mean you’ve done something great. I look back and congratulate myself for getting through all of the challenges that I was faced with.
As I sit at my new desk (yes I will be blogging more now that I have my own space) and sip my coffee, I can see more change to come; more exciting and refreshing change that will continue molding who I am.

I just wanted to offer this update to you! Please let me know how you are doing…I am all “ears” (eyes).

NickJames18@aol.com

The California Moon

2009-07-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

Staring out at the California moon, I feel more human than ever. The silhouettes of the mountains dance upon the stillness of the night, just as my soul dances along the lining of my dreams. The chaos of the city night echoes dominantly, but tonight I only hear the air enter and exit my body. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. My chest fills up as my mind flows with memories and thoughts. While it may look like I am staring blankly, the truth is I am deeply in contact with the road I travel. I stare back at the simplicity of being a child. I remember the smell of the first day of school. The nerves I felt on my first date. The pain I felt during my first real fight with a friend. The anxiety I felt as i entered my first college classroom. The joy I felt when I was with the ones I love. I remember the hope I felt when I first moved away. From then to now, I see a complexity that has harvested a life that confuses me, and that I love.

It is overwhelming for me to think about what my mind was going through about seven months ago. I believe my biggest concern was that I called my parents to check in with them and to tell them where I was. Maybe I was stressed as I worked on finishing another semester of school. Or was I distracted with the joy I felt as I traveled Ohio performing for a radio station? It was all so simple then. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back from this point in time, it was so easy.

It didn't take long for simple nights out to turn into surviving in an extremely busy city. Or for term papers to turn into bills on the counter. It didn't take long at all. I feel more grown up than ever as I soon will be moving into my first apartment. August 1st, I will go from a squatter to a resident at a beautiful apartment. And I'll have a car to go with it. This is all exciting, but it all means that i will be spending more money. More money means more work, which means less time to audition and practice. I will manage though, as usual.

In the intensity of my new responsibilities, I'm learning, very much, to appreciate my ability to land on my feet. There was a time when I doubted my ability to achieve big things, but not anymore. The past six months have been such a test of my will power and desire. I've managed to work many hours at two different jobs. One which requires a 2:00AM, 2 mile walk home through the city. Another which teaches me to wake up and function at 5:00AM. I've had my abilities judged my numerous casting directors. I've been picked and pulled on by top industry photographers and hairdressers. I've been promised things that were never even close to coming true. I've sang my guts out in a recording studio. I've stood tall and fallen hard, but I'd rather die trying to stand than to rest for a day on my knees. Although everything doesn't pan out, the winds of my future will certainly blow in the direction that I believe they will. This isn't a far shot. My ambitions are coming true, and it is more apparent everyday.

Life doesn't always happen the way it should. The "way it should" is actually only the way you think it should. Once we clear our minds of of we think things should happen and just open our minds to see how things pan out naturally, we will end up feeling more triumph than failure. I set goals, and many at that, but i never lay a trail of how I think they will be achieved. I simply make attempts, give effort and hope for the best. I think that practice and hope are the key ingredients in changing the winds of fate, but the simple fact is that the winds blow the way the winds blow. Follow the wind and see where you land. Keep your eye on your goals, make good decisions and one day you will get to where would like to be.

I got the chance to meet a person who had a dream and achieved his dream. Over a cup of coffee, the following statement was offered to me.

"If you can see it, it is done. Now all you have to do is get there."

As the moon keeps rising, my thoughts keep racing. Twenty years have flown by. I live an enchanted life. Although the sky is dark, and the future is hard to see, I know that the sun will rise and it is rising for me.

Here is my music suggestion of the moment. My buddy Brin plays in this band, but with an unbiased opinion, I urge you to get connected with McClory.

Best of the best to you all, my friends.

N.J.

TechNOlogy.

2009-07-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

Technology, without a doubt, is the reason the world is as advanced as it is. However, with all of the leaps technology has allowed us to take, I fear that the fall is equally significant.

The other day at work, while on my break, I saw something that truly broke my heart. A mother and her daughter were out to lunch together. You can see the spark in the daughters eye as to how excited she was to be sharing the afternoon with her mother. I kept observing their interaction, and I couldn't help but feel confused as the mother's mouth would move out of sync with the daughters mouth. Also, the mother never made eye contact, which really confused me. Upon looking closer I noticed that the mother was on the phone, on her blue tooth, just chatting away as her daughter sat there and stared over her mother's shoulder. I watched and watched, for about 20 minutes and noticed that the mother never got off of the phone. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the daughter and feel that the mother was, sorry to say, stupid. You can tell right away that the mother was one of those mothers who would rather feel young and fit into society, than accept that her daughter, who will grow up much to fast, could really be a good conversation. This ignorant, neglectful mother annoyed me so much that I had to shift my view just to enjoy the rest of my lunch.

My eyes instantly locked onto another table. There were four people, about my age, sitting there with big plates of food in front of them. I instantly drifted back to memories of my friends and I and my head was filled with great conversations and many laughs. Upon gaining focus again, I saw everyone, and I mean each and every person, sitting at the table glued to their smart phones. It was as though they weren't even aware that they were together.

As though what I have witnessed was not enough already, I counted numerous people hiding behind their laptop screens, cell phones and who knows what else.

I couldn't help but feel that we are slowly getting into a place where socialization is losing any importance. I think that we rely on technology so much that the glory we get from it supersedes that of true human interaction.

I read a quote from an American business woman, Mary Kate Ash.

"Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, 'Make me feel important.'"

This quote warmed my heart, because before even reading it, I've lived my life by that motto. If that mother realized how important her daughter was and the times they shared, she would have hung her phone right up. If that group of friends knew how rare those times they share now can become, they would have switched focus immediately. If the entire world payed attention to how important each and every one of us are, than we would live in a more loving society.

Each person I meet, I genuinely try to get to know. If it is one or two facts that I remember, the person will atleast know that I cared enough to pay attention to what they said.

Don't let technology and the ways of the world distract you from the moments that matter. Without moments, all we have is nothing.

Cherish the times that you may not have ever again. Keep in touch, stay connected and don't let the world become such a distant reality for all of us.

2009-06-29T17:48:00.000-07:00

After so long, shouldn't being away from home be easy? I feel that I keep going up and down way too much. I need stability, something I can count on. I love a mystery, but when everyday feels like a maze, I can't help but feel anxiety. My chest start to hurt, the butterflies in my stomach start to bite and I feel as though my heart plummeted to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. How do I survive if I keep feeling like this?

N.J

Slow down.

2009-06-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

Lately I seem to be focused on really trying to take advice and apply it to my experiences. Advice comes from those who see a spark and want to help the flames grow. My parents always offer me so much advice (My dad does so kindly: My mom does so intensely). However the advice is addressed, I eventually make an effort to take it and use it.

Advice also comes from folks who don't know you so well, or at all.

A complete stranger saw me the other day and could tell I was extremely stressed. He came up to me and said
"I am only fifty one, but I feel I can speak from experience. If you are having 'one of those days' just slow down. "

Just. Slow. Down.

............

Now take a deep breath.

I heard his advice, politely thanked him and my mind ran off on its current race. It wasn't until several hours later that I thought about it again. I gave it a shot and forgot about any deadlines. I faced my current project, took a breath and thought about all of the options I had as to how it could be completed.

I kid you not, everything and everyone around me suddenly seemed easier to deal with. Almost like they, too, were slowing down. I eventually caught up with the project and completed it, successfully.

In moments of intensity, everything is intensified. We yell, we rush and we lose touch with patience. When patience is gone, serenity is gone.

So all: SLOW DOWN.

It really does help. At a healthy pace, you will find everything much more scenic. When the scenery is sought after, beauty is found.

There is beauty in everything and I believe that. There are lessons learned, strength gained and happiness found eventually in most reasonable situations.

I wish you the best of the positive twist.

On a more personal note, here are my updates:

-I bought a car. An old trusty rusty!
-I am moving to a new apartment in August.
-I have my best friends coming to visit.
-I am going to give American Idol another shot (no expectations, just fun).
-I am one, over worked, happy dude!

On my second shift tonight, in the elevator I am going to enjoy some peace and quiet. Mmm.

Sending ya'll calmness,

N.J

Ps. Don't multi-task- give your all to one thing at a time. Precision is a guaranteed way to reach success.

The dark one.

2009-06-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

I find it interesting how human emotion works. It inevitably crosses the line of pure feeling to uncontrollable action. When we feel sad, we cry; when we feel happy we laugh...so on and etc.

I'm not focussing on the glorified emotions though. I'm talking about the dark one tonight . I am referring to hatred. Honestly (Get your violins) I have been treated like dirt by several people. Normally I wouldn't be surprised, but I am an open-minded nice guy- I don't cause problems for anyone. I absolutely do not hate. I don't hate anyone who has ever crossed me, hurt me, or mustered up any horrible feelings in my life. I just don't have the ability to hate-note, however, that I defend myself to the maximum utilizing intellect and stability . Everyday I see so much hatred. Whether it be on the news, the streets, or any place where hatred is a possibility. The fact is that we are all people. My dad, as usual, shared wisdom with me that really helped me deal with negative actions towards others.

He put a situation in my mind. There is an old lady driving, not so perfectly, down the street. Someone following behind her is in a hurry, so they start tailing her, yelling at her, and, beyond their awareness, end up breaking her heart. He then told me to zoom in on this now fearful old lady. He said close your eyes (unless you are driving, of course) and picture her as your grandmother.

A bolt of lightning hit my chest as I envisioned my grandma getting treated this way. I wanted to hurt this impatient person. Wait! ...I've been that person before. Not just in driving situations, but in many trying situations where someone hasn't met my expectations. I immediately started wondering how I've treated others while in these situations, and every time I put my grandmothers face on my victims head. Consider this perspective next time you are on the verge of reacting. Put a loved ones face on your annoyance. If a baby cries, imagine it is your baby: you won't be so angry then. If a boss expects a lot out of you, imagine it is your parent: you will react absolutely different. If a gay person supercedes your understanding, imagine he or she is your child: you won't stare so coldly then. If there is a handicapped person around, imagine they were your sibling: you won't crack any jokes then. If an old lady is driving slowly, imagine it is your grandmother: you'll treat this adult with the patience and respect she deserves. You get the picture, if not- discontinue reading OB.

By adding personal perspective to your situations, you will end up finding yourself in someone elses shoes, and walking towards a positive place. Let's just not hate. We are all simple people with goals and hopes. If you don't like someone, don't deal with them. But we all deserve the time of day, even if its for one minute. Don't treat anyone like they aren't worthy of some respect. Handle situations where you may not necessarily be fond of someone with class. Treat other people as you would approve of them treating the people you love.

Simply stated: Be around people you like If you don't like them, do so respectfully. Be cordial, but try to not be around the person. That way hatred will have missed its opportunity to destroy another persons esteem. And perhaps in your distance you may lose your disdain for another person.

I would not offer this advice had I not taken it when it was offered to me. I sleep very easy at night knowing that I am peaceful with everyone, regardless their actions. I take care of myself by not wasting my energy with the negativity of others.

After all, we all have people whose hearts would break if we were treated badly.

Note:

I defend what is right. I don't support ignorance that isn't met with the effort of undestanding. I have a voice that I proudly use for good things. I won't take a beating, but won't give one either. However, disrespect my family and I will contradict many things stated above.

With peace bloggo's,

N.J

Cake and coffee.

2009-06-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today I lost my mind.

These moments don't come often for me- I am generally constantly smiling- but when these moments come, their presence is as sure as the sun is hot. My mind goes into a strange state where I don't filter what I say, nor do I control it. Everything in the world around me, which I usually admire so much, turns violent. I don't like moments like these, especially because I don't like to break. I plan on building a career where I can uplift others through positivity, kindness and true passion for what I do. When I break, I feel as though I take ten steps backwards. I suppose it is okay for me to be human, every once in awhile.

However an emotional day, it actually began quite simply. I worked an event; a graduation ceremony for a fifth grade class. This sounds simple, but it pushed me into a mode of reflection. Not only did I become passionate at the idea of these young children (not necessarily from the most economically strong families) get the opportunity to become something, but I also had a moment where I realized how truly blessed I am.

In short, I was a pain when it came to my early years of school. I rested on the fact that I had ADHD, often using it as an excuse to not attend class or do homework. I goofed off at school, and ultimately hindered my ability to meet any potential that I had. As impossible as I made my educational career, my parents, especially my father, never gave up on me. He had frequent meetings with school administration, he spent his free time studying with me and he never once allowed me to feel that I was anything less than intelligent. I don't like to admit these things, but a tear actually rolled down my face. I dialed my dad and had to thank him, because for the first time, like a bag of bricks hit me in my face, I realized how lucky I am to have such an incredible person believe in me. I like to think that after I grew up a little, from high school on, that I proved my younger self to be a phase of laziness. I am actually quite proud at my mental capacity.

Along with this huge flush of gratefulness, I couldn't stop thinking about refrigerated cake. This sounds so silly, but it brings back some of my favorite memories. Whenever there was a family party, or any party, my mother (a fan of desert) would wrap cake and stick it in the fridge. For the days to follow, her and I would wake up, drink coffee and attack the cake as though it were are only options. Some of the best conversations happened during this informal breakfast. I painstakingly realized that as long as I am here in Los Angeles, or anywhere away from home, I will not have those moments to share again.

I don't know if it because I am growing up, or because I have less now, but simple things like coffee and cake touch my heart and move me entirely.

I've declared myself a musician now. I want to avidly pursue, what I consider to be, my number one passion. Regardless of anyone's opinions- which I so often let affect me- I never give up my belief in my song. I love to write music and I love to sing. I look forward to my time in the studio and put together a representation of the music I plan to make for the rest of my life.

Today was a day of nostalgia, frustration and growth. I am reading a book right now, a brilliant book, and it his really teaching me to be things into perspective. I can't recommend the book yet, because I want my sister Jamie to receive my copy before she goes and buys her own.

My blog buds!

N.J

www.twitter.com/nickbelardo

All I've got.

2009-06-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

All I've got is my happiness. I won't let anyone or anything jeapordize that. Period. Right now, I've got nothing else.

I love conversations that are profound.

Looking back, looking forward.

2009-06-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I miss when life was more simple. It is strange what brings me to this thought, but here goes.

I remember being a freshman in high school, and getting my first cell phone. It was an average, basic flip phone. I remember opening its box like it was Christmas day, but ten times more thrilled (it was actually mid-November). I was only to use the phone for alerting my mom that practice (football, track and wrestling) was over, and for emergencies. I can't believe those were my only responsibilities.

I think how my phone, now a Blackberry, is such a staple to my organization. I use it as my primary way to be contacted, my calendar, my e-mail and my internet browser, to name a few.

This is going nowhere near a discussion of my mobile phone history (there would be too many phones to mention), but one of how life has changed.

I wake up everyday to a mind racing with thoughts. I have to manage where I need to be, where I want to be, where I have been, what I have to get done and a million other "W" words. I have to pay bills now and make choices all for myself, and ones that truly matter. I deal with the consequences of leaving my hometown, including being away from my family. With that comes meeting new people and filtering the good from the bad. I plan my own trips and my own days now too. When I am sick, I lay in bed alone without a parent catering to my every need. I have to make impressions that last, and hopefully good ones . I have to feed myself and see to it that I am maintaining a healthy diet. I have to be alone, a lot, and eventually learn to appreciate it. I have to learn, read and be attentive to the world around me, as my opinion can make a difference. I have to manage relationships, personal and professional, for the quality of my life. I have to find and pay for an apartment that I will have to make feel like home. I have to own a car and keep up with its maintenance and payments. I have to follow through; each step, every effort has to be taken with confidence and determination, because if the ball drops now, I'm the only one responsible for picking it back up. I have to manage the fear I feel. I have to be sincere, forward and friendly, because my reputation means so much more now. I have to deal with rejection on a much larger, more important level. I have to make it happen.

I know I am not alone and that others have all that to deal with, plus more. I am highlighting it, because it is new for me. Although I've always been self-sufficient and mature, I grew up with parents who spoiled me. I had everything I needed and wanted. They still provide, but in a different way.

The amazing thing about this chaos in my mind is that I am sitting in a quiet elevator. No one around, no new scenery; motionless. I am in one of the most simple settings ever, and my mind still races.

This is how I have felt since January 8th, 2009 (actually I have always had a busy mind, it is just busier now). At the end of the day I feel like I have run a marathon. The beauty of it all is that I embrace it. I am as fearless as I can be. My mind is an open door now, and I welcome all of these new visitors (responsibility).

As much of a man that I am growing to be, I still have my weaknesses. I miss my mom and dad. I hate being away from my best friends, my siblings. I miss my traditions and old comforts. I miss being that child who only worried about getting home from school.

I appreciate simplicity so much now. One of the most exciting parts of my day include taking pictures of creative license plates for my hero Jamie. Sounds silly, but it has become an activity that I love. I am still doing really exciting things, but I am learning the joy of all things simple.

Look forward to:
-Exciting meeting
-72.5 hours of work in six days
-Hiking every Sunday morning (google Runyon Canyon)
-A visit from my best friends
-Drinking tea instead of coffee
-Moving in August
-Opening of my bosses third store
-Aerosmith in August
- Writing more music
-Arizona in July
-NYC in September
-Vegas and birthday in November
-Ohio in December

I love you all, I hope that when I commit to returning on a regular basis that you will all be here for me.

PLEASE e-mail me with what you've been up to.

NickJames18@aol.com

Give me pavement.

2009-06-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

We've all had those times in our lives when clarity is the furthest thing from our reality.

In times when the fog in the sky is as heavy as the world on your shoulder, you must gather all of your strength and tactic and persevere.
I had a brief, but meaningful conversation recently. It was essentially about hardships that come with chasing your passions. We concluded the conversation with the comfort that we will reach the top of our goals.

At that moment, I turned red in the face with a huge sense of being grateful; I realized that I can only move forward, or onward. I was born to move forward on my path, so I scream at the top of my lungs "GIVE ME PAVEMENT."

I humbly accept every challenge, for I know that each step is a necessary means, not to an end, but to many new beginnings.

As my first six months in LA come to an end, I applaud myself for staying positive and staying in California.

It is pretty apparent that I am a goal oriented person. For my benefit, I will outline my upcoming goals.

I plan to:
-Buy a car: With more to do, it has become an entity for me to have my own means of transportation. I hope to find and affordable, reliable set of wheels.
-Find my own apartment and build my own home. In the potentially tough situation, I will learn what it really means to live.
-Get back into school. I haven't lost faith in my goals, I just feel that I would be more at peace knowing that I can accomplish graduation.
-I will network for social and professional reasons.

Advice that I offer and embrace is to take in simplicity.

Take care buddies,
Nick James

Dignity.

2009-06-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Be all that you are, and do so proudly. You are not defined by the praise or hate of others. You, by yourself, are the individual that you allow yourself to be. Do whatever it is that you enjoy, all the while respecting the world around you. Share your happiness and experience with others who will share theirs. By doing so you will have mixed all of the ingredients for making memories. Stay positive and dignified. Let loose, but keep your class. Love who you want, when you want, but with all you've got. Remember that words fade, but you can keep your smile forever.

Moments of silence create chaos.

2009-06-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

It's not in moments of chaos when I feel most lost; In moments of silence, I grow absolutely small and vulnerable. As my roots grow slowly in this new adventure, the term "starving artist" is truly taking definition. As far as its implied meaning of poor and hungry, I'm not too worried. What I am truly starving for is a social life that I can depend on; friends that are actually there; laughs I can count on; memories being built with someone to share them with . Knowing that thousands of miles away, my loved ones are continuing to experience many adventures together, despite my presence, makes being away seem impossible. Slowly watching myself turn into someone that I'm not ready to be is scary. It is a selfish way to act, but on nights like this one, I can't help it. I can't help that I was born a dreamer with unstoppable drive. The prize is still in my eyes, however everything I am passing in my speed is too. When you have to fend for yourself, you get a true dose of exactly what you are. You get to see what you can do for yourself, and what you once did for others. While I am happy with the prints I leave on my trail, I'm starting to look back and notice how shallow some of my steps have been; hence my loneliness. From here I can only grow and work to leave a better, bigger print in the world. I will work on moving forward without leaving anyone behind. It is the moments of silence that create this chaos in my mind.

I tried.

2009-06-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Is there a huge difference in doing what should be done and doing what you dare to do? Could it be that it is as simple as following your heart. In theory, if you follow your heart with all of your ambition, the target you aim for will become closer each step. In your opinion, is it safe to rest assure on this created destiny?

I tried. I am literally having writer's block severely. I will try again later.I

I have a glass to fill.

2009-06-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

Optimism without logic, or good reason is hope. The thought of that paints a brilliant scene in my mind, and I cannot help but feel hopeful for all things to come.

We all experience trying times, but as long as we are trying all of the time, we can develop something from any rough patch. Life, they say, isn't as much about the destination as it is the journey; I top that with it being more about the growth you experience on that journey.

On all of my leaps of fate, I focus on what I am learning along the way. Doing so makes me feel, that regardless the landing, I accomplished something.

It is rare for me to feel empty handed after any situation, because I believe in the glass half full so avidly; I feel lucky enough to have a glass to fill. Life is a lesson, my advice: Learn plenty.

I am back in LA and I feel pretty stellar. Visiting my hometown was such a unique eXperience, I feel that I barely have grasped the change. I will write about my entire trip tomorrow! How have you all been?

Forever on,

Nick James

It's a big, small world.

2009-05-25T20:42:00.001-07:00

It's a big, small world. Being back home with new perspective has granted me the opportunity to put things together; sort of figure out all the links in my life's chain reactions.

I find that most of the time, my pride causes me to stray from a path of logical reasoning and leaves me with many unfinished situations. While I enjoy living in bliss, these holes inevitably grow and demand to be dealt with.

Being home and interacting with old, familiar faces has allowed me to view myself in a different position. I am now starting to enjoy putting things together and learning how people and events effect my life specifically.

What I've come to know is that I am on a path that few of my friends are on. I am moving forward with a tank full of passion and excitement, while many of my friends are trudging along on fumes of the past.

I am learning, more than ever, what kind of personalities spark my interest and force me to want more. I've learned that someone who can have a good time is the most attractive. I enjoy a person who can set their own world aside and make the most of everything. Learning what sort of people intrigue you is a huge step in learning the qualities you enjoy in yourself.

It's a big, small world and you never know what chain reactions you are causing. My advice: Be aware.

This Memorial Day weekend, I went on a camping trip with many of my family members, and friends. Riding my ATV through the open fields and rough terrain was so refreshing. It reminded me that regardless the slopes and turns, life has a beautiful destination to be reached.

I created many memories and laughs with the people I love the most. I am a lucky individual and I'm proud to say I recognize it.

Truly blessed.

2009-05-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've always held the opinion that experience is the foundation and supporting beam of a fulfilled life. While the insight and scenery may differ, the enlightenment and experiences inevitably conquer life's valleys.
At age 20, I am entirely blessed and grateful for the journey's I've experienced and the ground I've covered.
At age 20 I may not have a plethora of material items to display how lucky I am, but the truth is I've experienced many unique blessings.
As I sit in the Los Angeles airport, preparing for my first visit home, all of the miles I've covered and the memories I've made are coming to mind.
I've experienced the intensity of New York City, I've relaxed on many east coast beaches, I've traveled, horseback, through a Georgia field , I've taken an ATV ride through numerous landscapes, I've wake boarded a great lake, I've swam in the atlantic ocean, I've lived in northern and southern California, I've peered down the Grand Canyon, I've held the ground of a petrified forest, I've hugged a redwood tree, I've hiked a beach to catch starfish, I've cliff dived off of a California dam, I've sang at a Tennessee historic plantation, I've parasailed over the ocean, I've watched the sun set on emerald bay, I've driven the Golden Gate Bridge, I've sailed to alcatraz island, I've biked many scenic miles and I've done so much more. I am truly and entirely blessed for the opportunities I've been offered. The miraculous part is, not only the above mentioned endeavors, but all that has happened in between. They say all of life is a stage, and we the players. My life, thus far, has been a dramatic comedy, with an inspirational twist. The set is beautiful and the scene changes, remarkable. Each monologue has been captivating and the supporting characters magnificent. Whenever the day comes for my curtain to close, I will stand proud as the applause I receive will represent the numerous positive experiences I've had. I wish you all the power to understand that, not only are you the actor in your play, but that you are also the play write.
End scene.

Fly by.

2009-05-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my sister (Jamie) today about blogging, and I told her how I felt that I lost personal connection with my recent posts. I can't really figure it out, but I will work on getting back in touch. I honestly feel that it has a lot to do with my schedule; it is extremely packed. Perhaps it could be that I am feeling more stressed and my brain is filled with too much logic, thus causing my imagination to be blocked.

I feel that I am stressed, because I am running a race against time. I have a deadline coming up that can really change my experience in LA. I will continue to run with all I've got, but sometimes the finish line holds an unexpected future on the other side. I wish you all the best when running your own race.

Today I went for an intense hike with friends in Hollywood. I feel so refreshed (and soar). Not only did I get an incredible workout, I got to see a view of Los Angeles like none other! I am going to make an honest effort to continue enjoying the outdoors. Excercise doesn't neccesarily have to come from a gym, and hiking is just one example of an alternative work out!

I watched American Idol, and unfortunetly I am not a huge fan of any of the contestants. Danny has no star quality, Kris has a dull personality, and Adam screams, and I mean SCREAMS, way too much. I'm not suggesting that I am a more talented singer, but there is no appeal left in this season. I will continue watching, because I cannot break the tradition. Any thoughts?

The rest of this week will fly by.

Tomorrow:
AM: Work
PM: Work party
Thursday: Trevor comes to town
Friday: Day off hanging with Trevor and Ian
Saturday: Packing all day and hanging with Trevor
Sunday: Off to Cleveland for a quick visit!

During my trip, along with relaxation, I hope to find inspiration, motivation to write better music and to continue trucking along my journey!

Note to self:
AEROSMITH COMES TO ROCK IN LA!! (For those who don't know, Steven Tyler is my idol!)

Who you are.

2009-05-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

At work last night, a man came up to me and asked me a basic question. During this transaction of words, he pointed out the fact that he can tell I'm a performer. I took this as a compliment and smiled in reply. He looked at me and said:

"Don't ever lose sight of who you are, and don't let anyone tell you that your dreams are impossible."

My initial thoughts where "wow this guy must have jumped right out of my blog!" My second thoughts hit me like a brick of cement. He is so correct, and in more ways than one. As a performer I have to stand my ground and keep myself as a person; in life I must do the same. I take this man's advice and I share it with all of you.

We've got one thing when we are born; ourselves. We have a blank canvas that we will paint experiences on each and every day. Although the future is untold, the picture we paint will represent the culture of our life. This picture will represent all we believe in, all we want to believe in and our aim in life.

In life, we will encounter other artists who believe that they should paint us a picture, as well. These artists represent outside forces and experiences. Enjoy time off the recommended path, but never let these artist paint over your picture. At the beginning of time (your time) until your final hour, the one thing folks will remember about you is yourself, your character. Stand strong and don't let anyone manipulate the person you can be. The truth is, you are a great person, regardless of what others may think! I wish you all the strength in finding yourself!

Ps. Good news coming your way!

Nick James

Demons

2009-05-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

Demons: They haunt us from the time we are little and continue lurking through our entire lives. They are the monsters in the closet, the boogie man under the bed; the images in our minds composed of all the stories we hear from those around us. Demons are the monsters that are created out of pure insecurity and cliché. From a young age we are led to believe that parts of life are meant to scare us. These fears cause us to lose sleep, to question every move we make, and they slow us down from prevailing through challenges. When we are younger, we eventually grow out of our silly fears, because we realize that there aren’t really monsters in the closet and so forth. At this time we are in our young adult to adult years; these are the years when we are faced with the opportunities in life that will ultimately turn our caterpillars into butterflies.

My life changed when I stopped dancing with my demons and started challenging my ghosts. I faced my fears and my life started turning into what I hoped for. I, from the bottom of my heart, hope you all find the courage to face your fears. Do something daring, leap from the cliff that separates you from your destiny, and most imporantly, scare yourself everyday.

"The only thing to fear is fear its self."
-FDR

Time. Of. My. Life.

2009-04-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I will begin this by saying that I am not depressed, or derailed at all. This is merely me offering advice based on a situation I’ve experienced.

When it comes to the mushy gushy stuff, love, I sit on an awful part of the fence. I am either completely apathetic towards any romantic opportunities that I am faced with, or I am head over heels involved. When I am standing, I stand strong; when I fall, I fall deep. I have the ability to stand like a wall of cement, and I rarely let anyone get close enough to even begin climbing. However, when I allow someone to get close enough, I usually let them break the wall down. At this point, if you are one of these people, you have made me to believe that you are working hard to break down this wall, ultimately making me think you have a similar interest in me. When the said situation happens and you all of a sudden choose to ignore me, I get upset. I don’t’ get upset because you aren’t able to feel for me, but I get upset that you chose to be phony. If you are grown up enough to create adult feelings, please be mature enough to communicate a change of heart. If you are after sex only, please look elsewhere. I am not typical, meaning I don’t need to have a physical relationship. If I choose to have one, the first physical sign is my heart pounding through my chest. If you don’t get that far, you aren’t getting anywhere.

Like I said, I am not depressed or upset about this—I don’t rely on love, so if it goes wrong I can care less. All I am saying is that you should make sure you know what you are doing. As you hit ages closer to adulthood, folks have REAL emotion. They fall deeper, things mean more, and the recovery period takes a little longer.

My life has gone from 0 to 60 to 100. I can’t seem to stop being busy. It is a good thing. As my two jobs keep paying the bills, I am managing my pursuit wonderfully. Opportunities keep coming my way, and they are teaching me so much. I’ve never believed so much in myself and my dream. On top of that, I am managing a pretty nice social life. I don’t a million friends, but I have one in a million sort of friends. I have a support group that is everything to me. I am proud to be building a life that can mean so much.

This past weekend I traveled to Indio, California to attend a weekend long country music festival. TIME. OF. MY. LIFE. With Ian and Cousin Joey as my companions, I couldn’t help but enjoy every moment of the trip. We shared laughs, memories and fantastic music. I was lucky enough to see the following concerts: Little Big Town, Darius Rucker, Kid Rock, Brad Paisley, Kenny Chesney, Pure Prairie League, Pocco, Reba Macintyre, Miranda Lampert and many others. I built a memory this weekend that I will NEVER forget.

I am excited about flying home next month. My mom was able to score an affordable flight, so she invited me for a visit home. This is an important time of year, because at the end of May my entire family goes on a HUGE camping trip together. This is exactly what I need to refuel my happiness out in LA.

I wish you all the happiness and perfections that come with life. Let me know how you all are!

Romeo Testa

2009-04-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

Every so often we are lucky enough to come across an individual who surpasses any level of mediocrity. This person has some talent, some aura that instantly graces a level of magnetism and grace, and therefore leaves a lasting impression. When I come across such a special person, I cannot help but take a moment and share their gift with others.

Like the angels know, music is a gift that unites, soothes, and changes the world indefinitely. In my new adventure, I’ve come across a young, creative and rare musical talent. Romeo Testa is a young performer who is only at the beginning of his long path, but has already traveled so far. Immediately upon listening to his gift, his music, my soul knew that he is going to reach incredible highs.

Not only am I honored to be a fan of his music, I am blessed to know him personally. With a great head on his shoulder, Romeo has mastered many instruments including the viola and the bass guitar. His rock edge, mixed with his soulfulness creates a sound that supersedes any level of average. As a teenager, Romeo has experienced life beyond most his age. His experiences give his music a quality of truth, which I feel is an entity to art.

As big things are approaching Romeo’s life, I ask you, my readers, to help him out. All you have to do is check out his Myspace, give his songs a listen, and hold on for what is going to be an exciting ride. Click on the link below to find his site!

Romeo Testa

Let him and I know what you think!

Oh how I've lived.

2009-04-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

"It's not hard to die, when you know you have lived; and oh, how I've lived."
-Desperate Housewives

Oh how I've lived.

I am proud to say that when my time on earth comes to an end, I'll experience my departure with that profound statement in mind. I am proud as to how I've lived my life thus far; I'm proud of the big life I am living now; I am proud of the future life I know I will persevere and life; I am proud, so proud, that I lived. I am happy that I am not content with monotony and an average life. In my leap, I've accomplished things that most folks will never be able to do. I am seeing things that take my breath away and meeting people that blow me away. Each day continues to excite me, for I am grateful for the complexity and simplicity of my new life.

60 years from now, I am happy that I'll have a "way back when" story to share with my grandchildren.

Are we all doing things we are proud of? We have a short time to live, so lets all make the most of it.

The other evening I went to the Britney Spears concert. I know what you are thinking, but you are so wrong. Regardless of her personal struggles, that girl can put on a show. The essence of a circus set the stage for the entire night. With wild circus stunts, 'trippy' music and the overall ambiance, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the entertainment value of the entire night. As a dancer, I also appreciated the intense choreography and set. All eyes on the ringleader, as she commanded 20,000 screaming fans attention. I am happy for Britney Spears; although her life went off trail, she is back, and stronger than ever.

I have a bad cough. Allergies are awful. The majority of us, while enjoying the beautiful sights of spring, have to choke on our own breath, just because we are allergic to so many different things. If any of my awesome readers have any advice as to how to reduce allergies, please share!

The weather was 90 degrees today in SoCal, how was the weather in your hometown? That picture can tell you exactly where I spent my day!

After hours of reading around the pool, I decided to tie up the Puma's and hit the road! By road, of course, I mean the sidewalk. I ran a nice two miles under the blaring sun, and I feel great! After that, my good friend Cousin Joey and I went out to dinner. We shot the breeze, ate some Italian food and I'm feeling great. This turned out to be one heck of a weekend. I'm tying it all together by watching my shows. Any opinions on 'Desperate Houseweives' or 'Brothers & Sister?

Take care buddies!

Nick James

The Dream Board.

2009-04-14T23:01:00.001-07:00

I am going to make a dream board. It will be an impromptu art project that helps me organize and visualize my goals. It will be casual, simple and personal. As a new goal comes to mind, I will jot it down on my dream board, and as I accomplish my endeavors I will scratch them off. I think we should all have our own form of a dream board. To see our goals is to ignite the passion that promotes inspiration.
Each of us have a motion we move in. This motion is both provided and created. Our spirit moves in a certain way, however, with the right intent and will power, we can altar these paths to lead to where we want. My movement is forward. Regardless of where I've been, I move forward.

Good things are coming. good. things. are. coming. I know it. I am so excited for each day, as I know my day is coming. Whether it is tomorrow, or three years from now, I know I will find my height and I will fly. Our existence on this earth is unexplainable. My existence, from my opinion, is to fly. I was born with a dream, one that takes a prolific stance in my life. I may fall, but bet your bottom dollar that I will rise higher each time.

Today I went back to the gym and ran 2 miles. It was a slow start, but a good one considering my vacation. I want to get back into my gym routine, as well as continuing to eat healthy.

In my last post, I talked about my karaoke debut in Arizona, so I thought I'd share a picture!

I've noticed a lag in my readers interest, so I am asking for YOUR honest opinion. What can I do to make Onward Bound a place you want to visit? I am open to any suggestions and will take all criticism with an open mind (I do that for a living)! Either leave your suggestions in a comment, or e-mail me. NickJames18@aol.com

To the future,

Nick James

Like crystals.

2009-04-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

The stars stood out like crystals as I drove home from Arizona. My trip was like
some sort of out of body experience. I couldn't help but feel accomplished as I
first gave myself credit for my endeavors.
For so long I walked around with the idea that I owe everyone something. Upon
meeting the folks who push and believe in me, I began believing in myself, not
so much as a recipient of multiple favors, but as an entity that deserves to be
supported.
I plan to not cross the lines of being conceited, but with a new respect for
myself, I will stand taller and demand more respect.
My Easter holiday in Arizona was incredible. Ian and I made the six hour drive
an adventure, and that momentum proceeded through the entire weekend. We arrived
on Thursday night and the celebration began immediately. Friday morning Ian and
I slept in, only to wake up to an entire day of celebration. Aunt Karen and I
played catch up like Lebron James plays basketball. As our group at the mexican
joint grew to more loved ones, I couldn't help but smile and feel that I was
dealt a pretty decent hand in life. Friday night, Ian and I headed to a friends
house for a little reunion. Three words: Rock and Roll. I got to hang with a
pretty rad (thanks for the word Ian) crowd. Saturday we slept in again (we are
LA boys--we don't get to sleep much). We woke up and headed to lunch with a
friend of mine that I met at the American Idol auditions, almost a year ago. It
is cool to me that we kept in touch. After lunch, we headed to Scottsdale to
gawk at the pretentious town. I am happy, because I bought a new pair of
expensive jeans that were marked down to $20.00! That night we kept the momentum
going at a karaoke bar. Ian and I stole the show, naturally. I event got the
entire bar to hold their lighters in the air as I sung my guts out. Easter was a
great day. Two little ones came over and enjoyed an Easter egg hunt, compliments
of the Morton's and I. Watching them hunt for eggs reminded me so much of me,
circa the 90's, when my family hid eggs for me. Aunt Karen cooked an incredible
7 course dinner, while Uncle Doug gave Ian and I the tour de vino. After
sampling some delicious wine we ate, a lot. Being surrounded by family was so
refreshing after over three months in Los Angeles. Although leaving was
difficult, I am geared up to continue my pursuit.

Folks, I hope you all had a
great day- if you celebrate, Happy Easter.

Want more? Check out my twitter account! Click here!

So high and so low.

2009-04-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

At a time when I feel so high and so low, I cannot help but feel that great things are to come. I am blessed, without a doubt. I've gotten to see things that folks like me may never get to enjoy. I've met people that I am grateful to have met. I have lived in a way that makes me feel as though I am erupting and containing all at once. I am blown up with new experience, yet I stay composed with my newly learned tactics. Being twenty, or any age really is exciting. I am at a point where my dreams are meeting reality; I am honored to introduce my dreams to reality, only to learn that they already know each other.

With my mutual buddies, I am running full forced towards a destiny that I cannot wait to fulfill.

Anyone watch American Idol? Each week I am tossed between opinions, as I feel the contestants aren’t consistently choosing the proper songs. Alison has been the top runner for me all along. At her age, she performs with such an edgy, yet graceful demeanor that I cannot help but feel torn apart and put together as she belts her songs. I find her extremely impressive and cannot wait to see what her future holds.

Today I went into work for a little bit of follow up work. After a short day at the restaurant, headed home and ran some errands. I returned home and spent my free time working on my music. Recently I decided to pursue music more avidly; therefore, I am in the hunt for a vocal coach. Singing is my paradise. With every lyric, melody and song, I am taken to a place where nothing goes wrong.

Along with a vocal coach, I am in the process of finding a car. I have narrowed it down to two different cars, so soon enough I will plant my roots more deeply in California. I look at a car as a symbol of stability and longevity in this chapter of my life. Stability is a peaceful feeling that I long to feel.

Tomorrow is an exciting day for me. I am having my second meeting with LA’s Radio Disney station—not absolutely positive what it is for, but I will find out. After that, my long awaited trip to Arizona begins. My roommate, Ian, who is joining me on the trip, and I went to Trader Joe’s and loaded up on some fun road trip snacks. Locked and loaded, we are excited for a weekend away.

Happy travels to any readers who will be heading out for the holiday. Happy days to each and everyone of you, everyday, all of the time.

Nick James

Plants grow and die, wind blows and flies.

2009-04-07T15:06:00.000-07:00

This world keeps spinning faster each day. Young ones want to be older, old people want to feel younger. Plants grow and die, the wind blows and flies. We can’t stop it. The older I get, the more content I am with my age. I am still 20 years young and 20 years old. I have experience to base a life off of, but I have many years to correct any mistakes.

Obviously I have been gone for quite some time. I actually regret letting myself go this long without writing. After the end of this story you will understand why I feel that I may make a life out of writing.

Where I've been.

I will tell you where I have been for the past little while. I have been out living my dream, partially. The lesson I learned is that you can have something you want very quickly, but just as quickly it can be taken away. The last time I posted I told you all how I was going to get my headshots. I went and had a great time. My photographer, who I will call Nato, really saw potential in me. He introduced me to his wife, who I will call Nah, and she saw the same spark. They both talked to about their lives in the entertainment business. Nato was a model in his days; he traveled the world and experienced great things. Now he is an actor. Nah in her younger years, too, was a model; however, she chose to go the path of being an agent. Through the years Nato and Nah built a list of very impressive contacts and they wanted me to do the same.

Immediately, strings were pulled that put me on ladder level 5 in the pursuit category. I was to meet a man named Tony Duran (www.tonyduranphotography.net). Tony, I learned, is a very successful photographer. He has shot every celebrity and many, many magazine covers. Tony saw a picture of me and decided that he would shoot me. The day of the shoot, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. All I knew is that my head was flying faster than the butterflies in my stomach. Nah, who has taken on the role of my manager, drove me up to the Hollywood Hills where Tony lives. I arrived at his beautiful home and met his entire crew. Immediately Tony sat me down in his kitchen and starts snipping away at my hair. I didn’t know what to expect, but low and behold I had an edgy haircut and I love it. Tony let me know that his stylist friend was on board helping me and there was a huge wardrobe for me to choose from. I let the stylist do all of the work and I had 6 looks that I completely loved. At this time Tony was ready to start the photo shoot, which was the most educational experience ever. Although I may never have a chance to enjoy Tony’s company again—I respect him more than I think he would even care to know and I think he is a great person. At his level, his willingness to shoot me, a nobody, was extremely respectable and appreciated. By the end of the day I felt as though I had my own fairytale story. Here is a before and after that will properly show you what being in LA does for you.

BEFORE

AFTER

With a shoot by Tony Duran I was encouraged to reach for the very top and to my surprise; many big name agencies opened their doors to me. I met with all of them with nerves in my stomach tighter than ever before. The end result was that the agencies were not confident in taking me on. Although it was a letdown, I feel as though I got a big taste at my dreams, and that I accomplished huge things in my short time. I am currently, still a signed actor with Beacon Talent. Reality is setting back in that I have a ton of work ahead of me, but surely enough; I am starting to feel rejuvenated and ready to keep trying.

Where I am now.

With this set back, I’ve decided that it is time to get back into school. Now that I am working fulltime between my two jobs, I am realizing how far I could go with a degree. While in Ohio, I completed two years of a broadcast/journalism degree. I’ve decided that I am a writer and there is exciting things that come with that. I’ve been talking about writing a book. I have the writing talent and now I have the experience. I have so many ideas for the message my book will portray and I am very excited to see what happens with everything. Whether it is in California or Ohio- I am so excited to start school again with my new life.

California continues to become more beautiful each and every day. As I am actually building a life here I love my new friends, my new endeavors and all of my new responsibilities. I am learning a lot about life and, more importantly, learning how to apply the knowledge to life. I am learning how happiness is the truest treasure and that family is the greatest cornerstone. I stand a little bit taller, I work a little bit harder and I believe in so much more.

I continue to write music as though I was a player piano out of control. I am staying physically active. I am laughing daily. I am happy. I am embracing my youth as it slowly transitions into adulthood. I am proud to live a life with meaning and self-made happiness.

Welcome back, Nick James is here to stay.

Where to start.

2009-03-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

Oh how I've missed you all. I couldn't even determine where to start to write how hectic things have been. Everything is going perfect. I have been working on a few projects that have tied up all of my freetime and my demand for hard work is higher than ever. I hope you are all doing great. If it makes you feel any better, I've been doing my best to stop in and read your blogs! Sorry again for my 10 days of no blogging--I will try to find time to write more! Take care. E-mail me with how you are doing! NickJames18@aol.com

Nick James!

Brief side of things.

2009-03-21T01:16:00.001-07:00

Today was a hectic day, but it is was everything I want for myself. I got to live the life of an actor, a real actor. While sipping on my homemade latte (so actor-esque) I got ready for what may be one of the most thrilling days I’ve yet to meet. With two appointments and errands to tend to, I felt a thump with each tick of the clock. My first appointment was with an agency. I’m going to be on the brief side of things here, but I will tell you this. Your friend, Nick James, is a signed actor in California! I feel on cloud nine, even though I realize there is still a lot of work ahead of me. After that, I cruised around Hollywood in an attempt to finish up some errands before my 12:30 photo shoot. I finished tightening up some loose ends and felt the need for MORE coffee (I needed energy for my shoot). After leaving Starbucks, ( I headed to my photographer’s place. Him and I hit it off from the get go, making the shoot such a great time. By the end of my afternoon, I was a signed actor and had some really GREAT headshots. I’ll share them with you as soon as possible. The future is looking bright. Truth is, I couldn’t ask for a better life. I feel so proud of myself; I took a huge step by moving out to Los Angeles and all by myself I am actually doing what I came to do. That is a rare chance in life, a chance that I am so proud to have took. I’m extremely tired, because after my exciting day I had to get to the club. Goodnight my friends, thanks for your constant support.

Nick James

Everything I am going to end up learning.

2009-03-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

I will start off with the first bit of exciting news. As we all know, history took place this year when Barack Obama was elected as the President of the United States. Regardless your empathy towards or opinions on politics, the making of history is inevitably happening. Earlier this week I was standing in the elevator of my apartment only to find a sign informing residents of the complete block of the roads surrounding our apartment. No specifics were offered, not a single clue. As two and two often create a simple equation, so did the answer as to why the roads were going to be closed. Barack Obama is paying a visit to Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. One of these areas includes the high school that sits right under the balcony of my apartment. I am thrilled at the thought of seeing the President’s motorcade and all of the commotion.

My schedule has continued to grow more jam packed, as well as the demand for my full efforts. Working eight hours a day is a very fortunate requirement bestowed upon me, however, I am exhausted. Luckily, however, the more I work, the more I am able to afford what I need to pursue my dreams. Tomorrow I will be auditioning for MTV’s dating show, Parental Control. Although it is not exactly the route I want to pursue, I know that the benefits of my presence are undeniable. Not only will I learn more about auditioning, I will be face to face with the casting directors of an extremely respected, professional network.

Friday is by far one of the most exciting adventures I’ve come across in Los Angeles. I am shooting my first set of professional headshots in two years. Not only am I shooting these headshots, I am lucky enough to be working with such an experienced photographer. After having a long conversation with him on the phone today, I realized that he cares more about getting me on the right track than he does making money. I also get to rest in the comfort that he is a close friend to someone I consider a close friend. He said that he has already placed several phone calls to highly respected agencies. Ladies and gentlemen, step one is only days away. The first legitimate step towards my dreams is going to happen and I could not be more thrilled.

Although I am working more, I still find my demand for money growing higher and higher. Realistically, I need to get myself in a position to afford my own place, a car, car insurance, gas and all of my extra expenses that allow me to live somewhat decently. While I am willing to sacrifice many of the amenities I am used to, I still feel stressed and unsure of how I will come close to accomplishing this. This month alone, I can think of $1,300 worth of absolutely necessary costs. It makes me panicked to think that I am running myself into such a steep hole and such a young age. If this isn’t a testament of my determination, I’m not exactly sure what is.

With Arizona only a few weeks away, I cannot help but feel anxious and excited to get out of the fast paced environment that is Los Angeles. Arizona is an oasis to me; ironically a very HOT oasis. When I am there, my stresses seem to fade and I am able to get in touch with myself again. Not to mention, “Aunt” Karen is my biggest cheerleader and always leaves me feeling capable of it all! It will be an interesting trip, as Ian, my roommate, will be joining me. The Morton’s were nice enough to open their doors, not only to me, to my roommates. BWI rejected the offer, but Ian is more than excited to see a new place.

Back to Los Angeles and the rest of this week. I somehow need to manage, on top of working 8 hours, getting a bank account set up, a haircut, a rent check, my photo shoot money and groceries. I type all of this with a smile on my face, because I know that this experience is going to help me grow up.

I touched base on this briefly, but I feel the need to chat about my new job. I LOVE IT! I work with an absolutely great team of folks at an absolutely great restaurant. I get a taste of everything I love about food establishments. I get to start the day off talking to customers and helping them decide what to eat. I get to move to the coffee station and make delicious blends of espresso, coffee, hot, frozen, and delicious specialty drinks (takes me back to my favorite job at the Octane Café, a coffee shot I worked at when I was 16). Around 12:00, the place is pouring with people while I expedite food, and taking care of customers. I seriously enjoy everything about the job, including everything I am going to end up learning. Hi, I’m Nick Belardo—welcome to Panera Bread.

Folks, as I take one giant step for myself, I hope you find yourself progressing towards wherever you want to be. Dreams happen and reality can be great. I wish you all the very, very best.

Take care pals,

Nick James

More with less.

2009-03-17T17:21:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I’ve posted a detailed post. Perhaps I feel so busy, because I was so bored for so long; perhaps I am truly busy. Although I couldn’t wait for last week to end, it was a great experience. Working on my first film, with my first bit of legitimate equipment was a learning experience. I gained knowledge and friendships that I will appreciate always. I am excited, because we are planning a wrap party for the weeks to come.

With the end of one project, I am beginning a new one. I am going to begin pursuing my dreams for real. This Friday I am starting the journey with new headshots. Although I will be alone in the process, I am excited. I’ve been told that good headshots can really help your career. I got a call from MTV today; their casting department likes the way I look and has invited me to come out and audition for one of their reality shows. Although these shows are tacky, they act as great exposure. I will be meeting with them on Thursday for a screen test—wish me luck!

Money is still tight, but I am learning how to manage. I am simply learning to make more with less. I am lucky to have the jobs I have, but it will take time to build a solid foundation of income. I have many initial expenses that inhibit my ability to save.

St. Patrick’s Day is always a great day. It is a festive holiday where everyone seems to be cheerful. This morning, I went to LA’s parade with a few friends. After that, I headed back to the apartment and went straight to the pool. I was so blessed to have taken such a long nap outside today. Although I feel a little groggy, I am feeling quite rejuvenated. Not only is it St. Patty’s day, it is my late grandmother’s birthday and my parents anniversary. Today is a day to celebrate all around, and I am doing so thoroughly. How did you celebrate?

ME

2009-03-15T17:36:00.001-07:00

I found something out today. I found out that sometimes the greatest moments in life are the ones created. As you read earlier, the past two weeks have been so busy and tiring for me; while I’ve enjoyed every moment, my knees were starting to ache and my energy was depleting. That was then, this is now: Sunday March 15th, today, has been a day of peaceful moments.

Take it from me, “ME” days are the most important ever. We all give so much to the world around us that it is important to take a day all for you. I chose today to be that day. I woke up at 9:00AM, a perfect time to wake up. I stayed in my PJ’s as I caught some entertainment on the tube over a cup of coffee and a bagel. As my roommates departed for the day, I headed into the shower. I took a long hot shower and just did plenty of thinking. I got dressed and headed for a walk through the city, on this sunny day. I stopped at GNC, where I bought myself my favorite vitamins. I then headed to the mall where I people watched and window shopped. I cut my outing short and headed home. Here I am now making up for lost time. If you noticed, I caught up and read/commented ALL of your blogs again. It means a lot to me to do that.

I am so entirely blessed to live the life I lead. I have the courage to try things, the support group to back me up and the will to survive, regardless the matter.
Sorry for another short post, but it is almost game time. Take care my friends!

Bag of nails.

2009-03-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry about not commenting on everyone's blog today. I read them, but here is my excuse. I'm only outlining this for my own interest; I want to read how busy I was.

Wednesday: Work 6:00PM-After Midnight.
Thursday: Wake up 8:00AM. Begin shooting BWI's film-8:00PM
Friday: Wake up 7:00AM. Day 2 of filming- 6:00PM. 6:30PM-1:30AM work. Walked home from work 3 miles.
Saturday: Wake up 7:00AM. Day 3 of filming-11:00AM. Work 11:30AM-2:00. Return back to filming for BWI's film. Work 7:30-after midnight.

Wow, wow, wow. That is a hectic schedule, especially considering that 90% of it requires me to be on my feet. Thankfully I am young, but I am extremely tired.

Again, sorry for my lack of comments and writing--I'm literally so tired I could sleep on a bag of nails.

I can't wait until Sunday, when I will sleep until my heart's consent.

Night everyone,

Nick James.

Booger

2009-03-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

After a 2:00AM return from work at the club, last night, I found my brain pounding away, excited for the first day of filming for BWI’s film. This morning, March 12th, 2009, I woke up extremely early. With an apartment in need of cleaning, setup and preparation, BWI’s crew was up and ready. After fueling up on quite a few cups of morning brew, productivity was at the maximum. Our lead was the only actor required for today’s schedule and he did great. I will refer to him as A. Max. A. Max is a light hearted, guy’s guy who came to LA with a dream just like mine. His sense of humor made the 9 hour day more enjoyable. He and I discussed, and we are confident that a friendship will be present in the future. After picking up two car loads of expensive filming equipment, the apartment went from home to studio in one day. Camera’s attached to C-Stands hung about the ceilings of our bedrooms and living room, and extremely bright film lights made the place unbearably bright. We all joked about the feeling of being on a reality show—I, of course, was in my own form of heaven. Although I would pick performance every day, I am so happy to have seen this side of production. With two more days of filming, twelve hours each, I am sure I will have much more to learn. Unfortunately, I was invited to three auditions this Saturday. As of now, I may not be attending, for I have prior commitments. If BWI feels he can go on without me for a few hours, I will excitedly pursue these opportunities.

This Sunday, I will be going to live Karaoke with two of our actors. I am extremely excited; I have not sung my heart out in too long! I will take plenty of pictures and introduce you to my new friends.

As I told you earlier, I am extremely excited to be visiting Phoenix, next month, for Easter! Another trip may be on the itinerary for late March. Very good friends of mine, from the station I hosted for, are planning a trip to NYC. We have a co-worker there who has invited all of us to stay at her place, right in the heart of the city. My plan is to fly to NYC, meet up with my pals and drive back to Ohio to visit the family. Nothing has been booked, but I am excited at the thought of that entire trip.

Obviously lately, my ex somehow managed to snag my attention again, although she wasn’t even trying. She and I don’t speak, but I get to keep tabs on her through social networking sights. I don’t look to keep tabs on her, but this particular site broadcast pictures of her all over my page. I don’t’ want to delete her friendship, but I hate seeing her with her new found love.

Slowly moving on from her, again, I am starting to notice the heart of another girl in my life. My first year of high school was a time to remember, especially when Booger (her nickname) came into my life. We never dated, officially, but we both shared a great connection. Over the years, I’d like to say her and I have experienced many of life’s journeys; as friends and romantics. Although our road has been rocky, she is always the one standing there at the end of the day. I couldn’t even imagine my life, partially, without her in it. Should I just marry her? I’m only kidding, but, who knows, maybe one day. I got a letter from her today and she stole my heart with the following closing lines:

Will you plan a visit home? PLEASE! Until then, keep knocking ‘em dead in Cali baby.

As soon as I read her letter, I wanted to jump on a plane and fly home to her. She has a huge heart and I am so lucky to have held a spot in there for so long. I’m starting to realize that I’ve been looking too far for something great; she has been under my nose all along. Whether we are friends forever, or potential spouses, Booger is a great woman.

I am extremely tired. Last night started late, this morning started early and hasn’t stopped yet—I read all of your blogs today, thanks! I hope you enjoyed my comments, I know I enjoy all of yours.

Take care my great friends.

Nick James

Liquid Stitches

2009-03-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Liquid stitches, such an interesting product. As my finger types, quite stiffly, due to liquid stitches, I cannot help but wonder what holds our lives together. We know, from reading each other’s blogs and from observing our daily lives that we all hold it together until it falls apart. When our lives fall apart, where do the liquid stitches come from that hold it all together until we have the strength to do it again ourselves? I am learning to appreciate the times where I have the strength to hold it all together, because inevitably we lose strength and things break.

While BWI went to school today, I was lucky enough to spend time with DP, the guy filming for us. DP is one of those guys that walk into a room and instantly brightens the atmosphere. He has a personality of gold and a sense of humor of a champion. I was not bored once today. Being that the next few days will be absolutely crazy, DP and I went to the grocery store to buy dinner. The decision process was pretty simple, and here is the delicious dinner we got to enjoy; BWI and Ian, included.

We enjoyed marinated steaks, cheesy/steamed broccoli (organic broccoli and fresh grated cheese), homemade mashed potatoes and a delicious fresh salad to wrap it all together. Take a look!

Desert didn’t fall short either. I took a puff pastry and brushed it in a cream, egg base. I cut the pastry sheets into squares. At the center of each pastry, I put a dove chocolate. I baked to perfection, and served it with a dollop of whipped cream. Mmm, this meal was delicious to just look at, let alone eat. Enjoy!

Friday night I will be working at the club, so I’m excited to get back into “club mode.” I am really starting to enjoy the atmosphere and the folks I am getting to know. I position opened up for the company, and with the help of some friends, I hope to get another new job. I am excited to keep working hard at Panera, where I learned my new title is the catering coordinator. I am so excited for how things are going.

This Saturday, I will be attending two auditions. I will be auditioning for a theatre company’s musical production, as well as an agency dance program. I will be lucky enough to land either of these auditions. I am extremely excited, but will take the outcome with a positive attitude. Right after auditioning, I will be rushing home to help out with filming.

Speaking of which, the next couple of days will be extremely busy. We are wrapping up rehearsals for BWI’s film, and that means one thing; filming starts the day after. With a long rehearsal tomorrow, and 3 days of shooting (8 hours a day) following, it is important to get it all together, thus making the process as smooth as possible.

Although I am not a television junky, I have been addicted to three shows for the past two years. I ritually watch Grey’s Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters and, my guilty pleasure, Desperate Housewives. Each episode that I watch blows my mind. Not only am I thoroughly impressed with the caliber of acting on the shows, but the writing is incredibly stellar, too. If any readers watch any of these shows, I invite you to discuss with me regularly!

I am sacrificing a night at the gym to enjoy time with DP—we are going to watch some sort of comedy flick, it will be…comical. Folks, I wish you the best. If any time your situation becomes broken, I hope you find your liquid stitches. Remember, they aren’t too visible, but they hold things together nonetheless. I look forward to reading what you write and will head to your blog now! Take care.

Nick James

The sun has been shining.

2009-03-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed, when reading other folk’s blogs, how cool it is to read about the weather all around the world? Just today, I read four bits on weather, and they were all different. I find that so interesting. We all share the same sky, sun and moon—but the weather is so different for all of us. While many are trudging through snow still, others are welcoming the new spring weather—or, in California, the sun has been shining brightly all along.

Along with the simple task of living, we are also responsible for our social abilities. This includes meeting people, making friends, and most importantly keeping healthy friendships. Sometimes these friendships are easy, but unfortunately, often times, they are hard. Friendships are a give and take human correspondence. It is crucial to offer to your friends, kindness and care. By doing so you create vitality in your friendship, but if you lack the ability to provide to your friends, you will eventually have a hollow friendship that will not be able to withstand the pressures of life. Learning from this, very personally, as many of us have, I do my best to be a friend.

Being away from home, I am learning something extremely important in terms of my friendships. As adulthood continues to approach my life, friendships and the way they work change. I don’t have to talk to my friend’s everyday to maintain a friendship. A mature friendship can pick up where it left off. I don’t need to know everything about my friends to have a great friendship—I only want to know what is important. No matter how strong the foundation of a friendship, folks change and so do friendships. Just because friends change does not mean they have to go away. Friendships are important, but as you grow older and start building your life, interests change. For all of my friends, regardless how I’ve changed, I am here for you. No matter what we’ve gone through, I am here for you. This includes you my blog pals!

BWI's rehearsal was great yesterday! Our actors are beyond talented and are extremely great people. I am confident in saying that I've made friends in this process. Our actress, who I will call String bean, is great. If I can't say I have a crush on her, I will say I wouldn't mind it! This Sunday she is taking me to band-a-oke. This is just like karaoke, but a band plays the music live. If you couldn't tell, I AM SO EXCITED. Her and I are also going to be hosting a mixer at her place, which I'm excited about. This entire process has been so fun and educational.

This Easter, I will be flying to Phoenix to spend some time with my second family, the Mortons. I wrote about them on my second or third day of blogging. I am so excited for many reasons.
A) I get to leave LA and experience a change of scenery.
B) I get to spend a holiday with the Mortons, whom are seriously family.
C) Phoenix is absolutely one of my favorite places in the world.
Although it will kill me to be away from my family on a holiday, I know I will have an enjoyable time.

On March 26th, I have a meeting with a management company. For those who don't know what exactly that is, I will explain. A manager is a person who helps kick start your career. They help you find an agent, auditions, and keep you on the right track in the business. There is no guarantee that I will get signed, but I plan on bringing my "A" game. As the date quickly approaches, I will keep you up-to-date with my preparation.

I wish that life could be like a TV show. What you are looking for miraculously shows up by the end of the episode. There is an audience to laugh at you…no matter how lame your joke is. Love is never a lost cause and there is always another character to love. You have fans that are rooting for you and script writers to make sure you never fail. The bad guy always loses and you, the good guy, always wins.

Okay friends, I am getting tired. Have a great night and, as usual, take care!

Nick James

Sunday kind of love.

2009-03-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

I want a Sunday kind of love. Sunday’s make me so entirely relaxed. This Sunday, especially, has me feeling very happy. I woke up and prepared a perfect breakfast. I made the usual: Pancakes, sausage, turkey bacon, eggs, yogurt & banana parfaits, and, of course coffee. As usual, here is a little taste.

After breakfast I got cozy in my pajamas. I poured myself a cup of coffee and read my favorite blogs. As I was reading, it hit me…I read all of your blogs, everyday. As a testament to my enjoyment, I comment all of the blogs that I read. I hope you know how much I enjoy reading what you write. This brings me back to why I love Sunday’s so much. I can sit in my PJ’s and feel relaxed. I ran around all week and can finally feel content with sitting down. On other days, I live for the chase.

I live for the moments in life where hope chases reality. You can feel it in your gut. As reality tires, hope picks up its pace and life begins. Perhaps not begins, but is enhanced by the feeling of pursuit. The chase may end by one falling over the other, but at least the race was run.

With a new job beginning tomorrow, I am excited to continue running life's race.

Tonight our actors are coming over for rehearsal. This will be exciting, because our video director is flying in tonight and will be joining the process. I'm wrapped up in this project and am excited for each step of the process.

Today's post is going to be short, because I have to get to the gym before my day truly begins. Take care friends.

Nick James

Huge eye opener.

2009-03-06T15:55:00.000-08:00

It is day two of painting, and luckily I’ve gotten away with my hands clean. Due to my job at the club, I’ve not been able to help out. However, I’ve been to Home Depot four times helping to pick out colors and materials. It is amazing how a place I’ve grown so familiar with is completely different simply because of the wall colors. It reminds me of my recently stated idea; it isn’t about changing locations, but changing perspectives. The apartment seems cozier, and the feeling of stability is settling in.

Something that I am not used from living in Cleveland is people standing outside of stores asking any passer-by if they had work. It is solid proof of the failing economy and huge eye opener as to how blessed I am to work.

I’ve finally obtained a fulltime job at Panera Bread in the area of marketing. I begin Monday and I am pretty excited. The logistics and job description will be explained to me Monday and I will share with you excitedly. I am truly blessed to have this opportunity considering my age and lack of degree. For all of us writers out there, WE ARE TALENTED. My writing ability was 50% the reason I’ve obtained this job. Hard work pays off—hopefully this job will too!

I have to say thank you to my blog friend Sheila. She recently honored me in her blog post "Just Killing Time." Sheila is a hard- working and proud mother. I’ve enjoyed her blog and think you all will too.

Thank you Audrey for this award! I will think about it and pass it on accordingly! Check out her new book blog too!

The weather in California isn’t in conjunction with my mood. With new opportunities on the horizon, I am feeling quite bright and cheery; the weather is cool and windy. My friends and family back in Ohio have enjoyed rubbing it in my face. I am happy they are feeling the warm weather, but my spirits are warm too!

As far as BWI’s film project, everything is going great. We have selected three talented actors. We have rehearsals all this weekend and week. Our videographer is flying in on Sunday night and preparing the apartment for the week of filming. I’m so excited for the next step to progress. I’ll be working hard on that, along with everything else.

I am very happy to have gone from bored to busy. I will now be working Monday-Friday during the day at Panera Bread, Thursday-Saturday (sometime Sunday) nights at the club! Things are looking up and I am ready to work hard. As we all continue through our pursuit, I hope you find opportunities to be excited and to try new things. Take care, friends.

Nick James

The Things You Deserve.

2009-03-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

I will share a conversation I had today that is absolutely worth note. My roommate, who I will refer to as BWI, handled my current situation as follows.

NJ- Hey BWI, I think I am going to move back to Cleveland.

BWI- Uh, why?

NJ- Things just aren’t working out here, it isn’t logical for me to stay.

BWI- Ha, I knew you’d eventually prove me right.

NJ- Huh?

BWI- Nick, shut up with your failure attitude. You are starting Monday at my work (he runs a restaurant) and you are going to make it happen. Don’t be another failure.

NJ- BWI, thank you.

Apparently my run here is followed by several people who want me to stay and believe I can make something of it. If that conversation wasn’t a kick in the butt, I don’t know what is!

Today was a simple day. Two fellows are in from Ohio visiting one of my roommates. While he was at work, I spent time cooking and working out with them. It is nice to see some outside, but familiar faces.

After that BWI and I went to the hardware store and Target to pick up some odds and ends for the apartment. I bought something that I’ve wanted for a little while being out here. I purchased a beautiful and shiny crock pot. How cool is that? I can now make so many more recipes and feed my roommates more economically. I am excited for tomorrow to come just so I can start!

As of lately, to make use of my free time, I’ve been working on some independent projects. Naturally writing seems to be the cornerstone to most of my mini-projects. Today I have been drafting out my own line of greeting cards. For obvious reasons I won’t share what I’ve written, but I can tell you a little bit about my concept. I want to call the line of cards “The Things You Deserve.” They are “cutesy” sing-song poems that portray love as a cheesy and giddy fairytale. With titles such as “1 Year, Dear!” and “Falling towards love,” I believe these cards will appeal to those who have a playful and fun romance. As far as pursuing this further, I’m not sure how, but it is really fun to write. I will keep you updated with my progression.

Obviously, I am a HUGE fan of American Idol. As a faithful follower and idol wannabe, I value my knowledge and experience with the show. This season, with its new format and new faces, has yet to blow my mind. I believe in the artist on the show, but I cannot fathom what goes through their mind guiding them to their song choices. There is an age limit on the show, obviously so the talent is somewhat young. I believe in ballots and soulful songs, but if an artist is young, I want to see them be young! I have my favorites, and am interested to see what comes from this season. Any thoughts from fellow fans?

Tomorrow BWI’s actors are coming for the official first read through as a decided cast. I’ve had so much fun experiencing the process and look forward to tomorrow. Not only are these individual talented, but they are downright stellar people. After a few weeks of practicing, our videographer will be flying in from Ohio and I get to experience a new part of the process! I’ll keep you updated with the project!

I talked to a fellow acting friend and we are getting lunch soon. He is setting me up with a fantastic photographer to shoot new headshots. I don’t’ know if you’ve ever had headshots, but talk about a great time. The day of the shoot is all about YOU! You get to look your best and feel like a star. The truth is, great headshots boost a career indefinitely.

That is all then, but here is to now. Goodnight my friends, take care!

Nick James

When the ball starts rolling.

2009-03-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

You know those moments in life that pass you by and leave you with feeling that air has hit your lungs for the first time? Something that has bogged you down consistently, beating and bruising your ability to process thought and function emotionally, but as soon as it is resolved you feel as though winter’s snow has melted into a warm, sunny spring day. Those are the moments where perspective is learned. Those are the moments that take average endeavors and turn them into life altering revelations. They teach us that although our surroundings were shaded by natures course, beauty and comfort lie beneath, waiting for us to believe in their ability to return again. It is an incredible eye opener when a place you’ve rested so long turns out to have been the most breathtaking place you’ve never noticed. Perhaps true appreciation in certain location does not lie in what is clearly offered, rather in the joy you find after re-visiting. My soul had been re-visiting a certain place, and the folks I’ve met along the way are helping me to respect myself, with no regard to what others may think. The paramount retrieval is that I am courageous and brave for trying, and that I can return to where I came from with nobility, experience, and new perspective. My near future is in thought process, but whenever the ball starts its journey down the hill, I know I will take the ride with absolute respect for myself, and confidence that I am, no matter what direction, headed towards the right path to happiness

Sanguine friend.

2009-03-03T00:06:00.000-08:00

Process; a word formally defined as a systematic series of actions directed towards some end. I am in my own personal process of fulfillment, just as we all are. In this process, I go through cycles of up’s and down’s. As my readers can assume, I’ve been in the down spin of this cycle, however, my mood has, yet again, changed.

Sitting over a tiny (I swear it’s tiny) bowl of Frosted Flakes, I experienced a conversation with a long time friend that helped put my own experience into perspective. Tonight, after our conversation, I’ve dubbed her and me as the sanguine friends. Both of us sharing similar goals, we are able to share the spark that we both believe will ignite our own personal fire of success. The following is a list and description of what I thought I saw compared to what she made me actually see.

1) In my hometown, I was a big fish in a little pond. Although I left the pond, I took that big fish mentality with me to an extremely large pond. This mentality, although confident, is a slow demolisher of mental stability. Tessa helped me realize that I was trying to go 60 before any other speed. I need to slow down and reevaluate my route.

2) I’ve learned that regardless of where I am, I’m constantly looking somewhere else, for something different. It isn’t where I am that is important, rather what I am doing in my surroundings. I am going to start making more of my time, whether or not I am content with where I am. Although the present is important, I will humbly do whatever it takes to pursue my desired future. In Los Angeles or at home…I will keep my eye on the dream and understand that everything from a-z is a chance to build a more solid foundation.

3) Tessa also helped me get a step closer to being over my insecurity of being out of college. Lately, I’ve felt completely trapped since leaving college. Tessa reminded me that I am intelligent, regardless of when I obtain my degree.

Although she has made me realize so much more, I am going to wrap up her teachings with this quote from her. Right when I let myself believe that this journey was going to be easy, Tessa reminded me of the hard work it will take. She summed it up perfectly like this

“…it sucks really, but I think that after a good amount of time with your/my nose to the grindstone in any situation whether it’s waiting tables, working the elevator, doing standup, being a Disney prince... we're going to be glad that no one handed us success”

Lately, I've lost touch with who I really am inside. Talking to Tessa, someone who knows me extremely well, I was introduced to my inner, ambitious and driven self.

If you are interested in reading some of her work, get to know Tessa as she makes complete sense in 'Practically Nonsense.'

Tessa's dream is to be a stand-up comedian, a position I know she can do with full force. I've been lucky enough to see several comedy shows in the past couple of weeks. It reminds me how much comedy and laughing can lift spirits. I allowed myself to dwell in my slow process, but now I am just going to keep laughing. Life is a rigid game we all have to play--we can either fall under the pressure, or laugh over every road bump. I am going to work hard to getting back to laughing.

My friends, as I slowly fall alseep right on my computer, I wish you the best. I wish you the best in laughter, in pursuit and in life. Thank you for all you have taught. Apparently, I need my friends more than I ever have. Take care!

Nick James

Stronger than ever.

2009-03-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

In my last post I discussed my negative views on romance. I said romance sucks and called it pretentious. The responses I received pointed out some great points. One reader told me that romance is a factor in love, it is not love. I liked that point and it made me feel hopeful. The point of me bringing this up is not to get back on the topic, but to point out a funny, but ironic story. Here is what love brought for one couple.

Watch this video!

I feel myself being overwhelmed with apathy lately. I’m finding it a chore to return phone calls, I avoid conversation, I lack excitement, and I won’t allow my mind to process thought—rather I play music full blast and just listen. I live a great life, but my problem is anxiety. I cannot do the same thing for too long. Los Angeles is my dream town, but the life I am pursuing is unrealistic if some significant income isn’t a resource. I have an awful love/hate relationship with home. I know that I should go back to Ohio and get my degree, but I cannot get over the idea of being there again. I continue to have my friends and family ask me what is wrong, but I refuse to answer the question. I’ve avoided talking to anyone all day. This has nothing to do with being upset at anyone. The only person I am mad at is me. I fear going home to be viewed as a failure or a joke. I fear to go home with the feeling that I quit. A good friend, who I’ve ticked off, told me that me going home isn’t quitting, just building more of a foundation so I can come back stronger than ever. I agree with that, but why can’t I believe it?

I've typed four paragraphs and deleted them all. I'm clearly tapped out and not in the mood to write. Take care everyone.

Nick James

teaching....learning.

2009-03-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

Today my roommate and I were driving home. We passed an American Idol sign, and the hilarity that followed was great. The following was my roommate’s reaction to the sign.

Roommate: Nick it’s an American Idol sign!

Nick: What a great show, I just love it.

Roommate: I’m going to hurry home so you can blog about it! Take a picture!

Nick: (half denying the truth in his statement) whatever!

Roommate: I’m Nick, living in LA. I’m going to be something and here is why! (Mocking my OB writing style).

Nick: (Laughs out of control, with tears running down his cheeks).

Although I was being mocked, I understand how funny this conversation was. I’m a natural born cheese ball. I can make something out of nothing and it often times is looked upon pretty awkwardly. Perhaps I don’t offer anything tangible in my blogs, but I just can’t help but to express something that excites me. I’m often called dramatic, girly, or crazy for allowing myself to get so excited. Truth is—I’m a happy guy. Things make me happy; big or small.

Today the sun was shining, and summer was in the air. This is such a treat, because in Ohio I’d still be getting used to the winter. A friend here in LA is in the process of moving, so I joined Ian in helping him move. It was a great time—a group of people working to help each other out. A driving force is so much more intense when multiple people are sharing a goal. Not to mention, it felt great to have a social life again. So great, that I agreed to eat out TWICE today. Not only is that completely out of my budget, but it is a ridiculous health choice. Oh well, I wouldn’t compromise forming friendships for petty things.

Romance sucks. I’m not good at it and I’m not willing to get better. I can determine how I feel, but I can’t convince myself to pursue it. Perfect people walk up to me, but I let them walk by. It is obnoxious, but the fact is…romance sucks. I’m not good at it and I’m not willing to get better (noted repetition). Romance will come for me in 20 years, when I am mentally able to handle it. There is so much to get done while I am young—I cannot let my desire for something so pretentious burden my potential. I had what I consider ideal, and now everything else seems to fall short. I’m 20; I’m young—why worry.

With so many of your posts to go read and think about, I am going to end mine short tonight. Some days are good for teaching, others are good for learning. Tonight, I will learn from you.

Take care and sorry for the lousy post,
Nick James.

All about you.

2009-02-28T00:38:00.000-08:00

The invariable mark of passion is the continued pursuit after a stumble and a fall. If you read often, you know that I attended an audition today—the gig was in Tokyo, Japan for Disney; the opportunity of a lifetime. I arrived to the audition only to find almost 200 folks with the same goal as I; to land the opportunity of a lifetime. As soon as the audition started, I was in character. After all, there is no time better to be a prince than when charm is of the essence.

Luckily, the first cut was announced. I, number 53, was one of the 30, or so, numbers called. I MADE FIRST CUT! I was so grateful that I actually thanked God right then and there. The second part of the audition took place and I continued to give it my all. There was a guy there, named Prince, ironically, who was clearly my competition. We both had long, flowing blonde hair and were of similar physical appearance. The second cuts were announced and I was not among the chosen. As much fun as it would have been, I’m not upset. I met some really great people and had a lot of fun trying. My spirits were down initially, but they are back up. How can you learn to run faster if you never fall, right?

My initial thought was “how many auditions must I go on and not book before I lose my performer credibility?” I called my dad, knowing that he would boost up my ego and set me back on track. He did so successfully. This life is a tough life to pursue and in the journey towards success, failure is an entity to education. I am grateful to have made it to the audition, not to mention the first cut. No sympathy needed, I’m not upset, at all.

I need an opinion. Lately, my roommate and I have been trying to eat healthy. I am convinced that eating healthy does not have to mean eating bland food. For dinner I prepared the following:

Wheat pasta with fresh grated, melted cheddar cheese. I baked grilled chicken with a few spices added and shredded it up, than I put it in the noodles and cheese. I steamed broccoli and added it as well. I dubbed it ‘NJ’s chicken macaroni and cheese.’ I felt as though it was healthy, but figure I could use a second thought. Let me know what you think!

Tomorrow is callbacks for Bryan’s film, and I’m excited to work with the actors. I am waking up early and heading to the grocery store. We are having our fourth weekly pancake breakfast. Last week, I did it up pretty big—but tomorrow is going to be simple. My empty pocket doesn’t allow me to prepare luxurious breakfast each week. Flapjacks will suffice—especially when I make them!

My days continue to grow emptier. Although I love tending to the household duties (cooking, cleaning, keeping track of things) I need a day job. If any of you have friends or family in LA—let them know a hard worker is in the search. I understand the economical crisis hinders my chances.

The minute I have my own space again, there is one thing I will ABSOLUTELY have; a bookshelf. I think a bookshelf is such an excellent way to portray personality. I will use one shelf for books and the others for other knickknacks. When I picture my own apartment, there is a bookshelf, by a window; with books on one shelf; a vine-like plant on another, and a few knickknacks.

As my third (wow-third already) month as a regular blogger, I’ve come to enjoy this community extremely much. Although we are all cyber friends, I feel that the relationship carries over. In my daily conversations, I find myself telling people about all of you. What I’ve learned from you, what I’ve read, what I think of all of you (good things 100%). I am extending my cyber hand out as a sign of friendship and appreciation. Although our computer screens block us from meeting in person, I hope you know I am here for you. I am here for you to listen if you need a friend, and I assure you privacy is an option. Feel free to e-mail me at anytime if you need an outsider’s perspective.

Goodnight, my friends. Take care and thanks for reading,
Nick James

Always get to me.

2009-02-27T01:36:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the repetition that will follow this, but I am so amused by this fact. By now, you probably have realized that part of my job entails working in an elevator. I spend about two hours consistently riding from floor to floor. In between rides, I find this wonderful source of inspiration. Each time the door closes lyrics fly out of me like I wish they always would. I write songs that are different than before. A group of people will come in; I share some experience with them, although rather short; they leave; I write. I feel like in that short time I am tapped into a story; a story that I must portray musically. Song titles including ‘I Try,’ ‘Completed,’ and ‘Breaking Point’ are just of the few in the making. I am going to go with the fact that I work in a music venue where creativity is in the surplus that causes me to write so much.

As amusing as this is, the more amusing part is me singing when I’m in the elevator alone. I work on a phrase and sing the melody I imagine. I do this over and over, all night, as though I was in my own personal recording studio. I do this fearlessly, knowing that the elevator door can open at any moment, revealing my own private performance. I want so badly to have the experience of the performers I see every night, that my time in the elevator, though strange, is so fulfilling. I’ve decided that when I make it big, I will call my first CD ‘Elevator Music.”

Tomorrow I have an audition with Disney, yet again. If there was a way I could say that in Japanese, I would feel more appropriate. Tomorrow’s audition is for a job in Tokyo. How unique of an experience would that be? I will keep you updated

The rest of the weekend will be fine. I have some errands for tomorrow morning, an audition at night. Saturday (4th weekly pancake breakfast) is callback day for my roommate’s film and work later. Sunday is open. If the weather permits it, I hope to visit a beach. I would not mind heading back to Santa Monica like I did when I first got here and watch the sunset.

The other day, my roommate asked if the HOLLYWOOD sign still gets to me. I initially replied with a simple no. However, upon contemplating this question further, I realized how false that was. I quickly corrected my answer and expressed how that sign will always get to me. It is a symbol of my hopes and dreams. It represents the world I want to work in, the world I want for myself. I’ve decided that 10 years down the road, when I am an established artist…the HOLLYWOOD sign will, indeed, still get to me.

I am tired after getting out of work at 1:00AM this morning. I love to write, but I need to sleep. I hope you all continue to have something get to you, in a breathtaking way. So long, take care.

Nick James

Possession.

2009-02-26T00:30:00.000-08:00

My current state of vulnerability sets possession at a term that supersedes any material vice. I miss possession more than anything right now. Right now in a place where I sleep in a hallway and function off of the belongings of two other people, having my own things seems more soothing than anything in the world. This isn’t a need for something to show off, but a need for a personal attachment to something tangible.

I first realized that this was in issue to me at work the other night. One of my co-workers offered me a metal water bottle that the club was giving away. I took it without a second thought.

The next day I woke up to see this shiny red water bottle staring at me. I continued on with my daily routine and headed to the gym. This time, however, I filled up and packed this new water bottle. Still in my mind this didn’t seem to abnormal, I mean who couldn’t use a water bottle at the gym. Continuing on in my day, I headed back to my apartment and threw my things down…only to see this shiny red water bottle staring at me. I decided to take it out of the bag it was in and wash it. I finished cleaning it and felt the need to fill it up again. I filled it up and took it to the couch with me where I worked on my computer. I guzzled down the water and still thought nothing about it.

Not able to consume any more water, I didn’t know what to do with my new friend…the red shiny water bottle, but I knew that I didn’t want to put it in the cabinet with the other cups and beverage containers. I walked over the closet where I keep my clothing and put it on a shelf.

It hit me at that moment how strange it is to have a connection to a water bottle. I thought about it further and figured it out why I felt this water bottle was so special. It was the first possession I had in Los Angeles. It felt great to have something that I brought home, something that I could use.

I realize right now how crazy this sounds—how truly, truly crazy this sounds.
The need to own something goes beyond this water bottle. I guess it was just the first item that has quenched my thirst for my own belongings (pun INTENDED).

I remember being younger and starting my first job; my first taste of money that I earned myself. I remember buying my first night out, my first articles of clothing and my first everything. This new freedom was something I couldn’t describe. Since earning my first dollar I have had somewhat of a spending problem. I never thought of money as something to save, rather it was a ball of fire burning through my pocket.

I am starting to learn why I’ve had this problem. It wasn’t so much that I needed the items I purchased, but I liked the feeling of owning something. I am naturally a nurturing person, so I welcome all forms of possession; be it an article of clothing, a car, or a gift for a friend, I get satisfaction from being the owner.

Coming out to Los Angeles has forced me to sacrifice one of the feelings I love and have loved from the start. I sleep in a hallway of an apartment full of items owned by two other people, paid by two other people. I have no space that is my own. I have no space to put anything that is my own. I’ve lost touch of the feeling of using something that is mine. It hit me tonight, as I was feeling depressed, that the hole in my life is possession. Until the future, I will love and care for my new shiny red water bottle.

Use ability.

2009-02-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

Venturing through the city today was an excellent experience. I realized that for the past two months I’ve neglected to stray from a path I know so well. I follow two main roads to get to anywhere I need to walk to. Not today, though, when I saw a farmers market set up down an entire street. I excitedly left my typical trail and crowded in with all of the people. Fresh fruits and vegetables were in the surplus, and the colorful foods allowed it to be a flashy scene. My new interest in cooking and food made the entire experience all the more exciting. Vendors screaming in hopes to gain attention, folks nibbling on the freshest of produce, and an overall energy of excitement in the air consumed my focus for several minutes. It was like visiting a fair, without the screams of little ones and rattles of old amusement rides. Unfortunately, I am a plastic man and don’t regularly carry cash with me, so my enjoyment of this market was purely visual, however, I am contemplating gearing up and heading that way again before day’s end.

Towards the end of the market was the entrance to the Los Angeles Public Library. The natural flow of pedestrian traffic seemed to guide me to the front doors, so I stepped inside to take a look. I expected to see a typical library copious with books, the silence of individuals educating themselves on several topics and that smell of old paper. Just like most things in Los Angeles, I was very wrong. I walked in, only to find a palace. This several-storied (haha pun) library was full of people, art, culture and escalators stringing it all together. I wasn’t exactly on schedule for the day forcing me to head home, but the Los Angeles Public Library is absolutely on my list of places to investigate.

As you may recall, I was in the running for a modeling gig in PA, which would ultimately grant me a reason to visit home. Unfortunately, those familiar streets will have to continue on without me, because I didn’t get the position. As much of a great experience as it would have been, I’m more upset that I don’t get to go visit Cleveland.

I am in no means homesick, but there are several things left behind that I would love to visit again. First and foremost, I would love to see my family. Obviously I would love to see my friends. Mostly, though, I would love to go visit the familiar place with my new, more experienced, perspective. Oh well, I will just have to wait a little longer.

As you know, one of my latest projects includes a short film produced and directed by my roommate. This started off as a nice gesture, but turned into a huge learning experience. Learning aside, it turned into a great feeling as I called our actors to return for callbacks and heard how excited they were. It made me proud to work on something that jolted the spirits of these talented individuals. I look forward to working with them further this Saturday.

I like the way projects emulate life. Each factor that goes into a project ultimately guides it to completion. Each person you meet in life helps guide you through the journey. Each of us has our own experiences and bits of knowledge, that when we put them together the journey becomes more unique. No two people can share the exact same experience as another two people; for we are all different in the way we learn and use ability. Each time I am together with someone, I am happy to know that it is an experience that only I can share.

In terms of meeting people, I am learning the challenges of doing so right now. Being thousands of miles away from the friendships I’ve built over the years, I find myself lonely quite often. I am extremely outgoing, and pretty settled when it comes to meeting and talking with people. I can go to a party and successfully chat with whomever I run into, but I find that my conversations never turn into friendships. I’ve met some great people here that I would call acquaintances, but I feel that I fail when it comes to presenting me as someone with something to offer. I know I’m not intimidating, stupid, or socially awkward, but for some reason I don’t have appeal when it comes to forming friendships. This is upsetting, not because I think I’m supposed to be popular, because I know I have a lot of positivity and fun to offer. It has only been two months, so I know that I’ll find some great people who will get to know me.

Meeting people also goes along with the idea that it is not what you know in life, but who you know. While I agree with that a lot, I refuse to sit comfortably on my abilities and wait for someone to get me where I need to be. I am too competitive to be confident, so I will continue to work hard at honing my talent and perfecting my skill, while networking out here in Los Angeles.
For now I am out of thoughts. I have a huge apartment to clean, a dinner to plan, work to do and a gym to hit. I hope that everyone is finding enjoyment in their journey right now. Take care!

Sensation of home.

2009-02-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

I must start this off by addressing the fact that I smile at people; strangers, friends, co-workers and everyone. I often get criticized by those who are with me, especially the shy people. If I can induce any conversation or smiling with another individual, I feel quite grand about it all. I guess you can describe me as Mr. Rogers... Mr. Neighborly. With extended efforts of correspondence, I often get shut down. As much as I respect those who are wrapped up in their own worlds, I get frustrated at the same time. I don't get frustrated for just myself, but for the next ten people this person will snub.

It is so interesting to me how the web of society is strung in this world. We are all so connected, yet so separated. In our social networks, at our homes, at work and on dates we are important to those who are surrounding us. The second we are detached from a familiar place, we become faceless nobodies to those we pass. Not the people who pass me, though, because I recognize that each person I pass has made somebody a better, happier person.

This goes along greatly with those who have found success. Today, in a certain anonymous situation, I was surrounded by very successful business people. I'm talking millionaire business people. Just as I would smile at anyone, I offered a smile to these individuals, and perhaps a few little chatters of small talk. Some of these individuals reciprocated the gesture very kindly, but others, well others, were simply rude. As I peered through the egos of these rich individuals, I saw the soul of a person who sacrificed a lot to earn their positions. A person who, most likely, in the beginning was as common as I...a person who wasn't always so cold shouldered. It hurts my feelings that these people, in the midst of their life, have forgotten so much of who they were. These people would have gained so much of my respect had I known them during their climb, but knowing who they became at the top has made me feel very sorry for them. I guess what I am trying to say is never become too good for those on their rise. Remember that no matter where you stand in this world, the average Joe and Joans of the world are important somewhere.

The owner of my passion right now is song writing. So much so, that every time the elevator closed at work today (I worked the elevators all night) I was jotting lyrics on the back of a piece of scrap paper. Maybe it was being trapped between four metal walls in a very confined space, but escaping my feelings was not an option tonight. As I rode up and down, lyrics poured from my heart.

The next step in this wonderful process is production. Taking these lyrics and intended melodies and putting them to music. Luckily, a friend of mine is an extremely talented musician and has agreed to work with me. The two of us will test out our musical chemistry, ultimately deciding whether we should pursue music together. I have wanted this for as long as I can remember. Being in a band is a goal of mine that I’ve waited for, what seems like, forever. As our musical rendezvous approaches, I am excited to delve into this dream.

A strange sensation took me by surprise the other night, after cooking dinner. I was sitting on the couch, snuggling up in a blanket, and watching a movie. In my own little cushiony cocoon, the sensation of home became present. This was a remarkable find, considering life in LA can be described as pretty un-settling. It has been a long time since I’ve been overcome with the comfort of home and I am excited, perhaps scared, that I feel so right here.

If you’ve ever moved away from the majority of your social life, you will understand what I am talking about here. When you move away, you quickly find who you deeply enjoy, because keeping in touch with EVERYONE is truly unrealistic. You start to find who has captivated your interest the most, as you realize who you talk to more than anyone. As your social life emerges into adult mode, you start to learn what a friend is and how to maintain friendships effectively. As a mature adult, I can admit when someone and I aren’t meant to be friends—but that doesn’t mean we cannot be cordial. I’m realizing each day that I enjoy myself if I am cordial with everyone in the world. I have those who are my friends and I have those who are my acquaintances. I will not fight someone to remain in any of those categories; rather I will treat everyone with respect. I’ve learned not to require too much from someone, as we are all extremely busy in this quick paced world.

I’ve decided to start my own little book club on my blog. I was inspired from a fellow blogger and am excited to get started. If you look on the right side of my blog panel, you will find the current book I am reading. After I complete the book, I will offer a review of the book, ultimately inspiring you to read or not to read.

As I grow more tired with each word I write, I find this important to say before I am fast asleep. It was so great opening my e-mail and having your e-mails filling up my inbox. Thank you to those who have sent me an e-mail, I am excited to respond and get into some great conversation. I will offer my e-mail address again in hopes to talk to more of you personally. NickJames18@aol.com is the address, you know what to do!

To all of you, have a fantastic night—take care of yourselves and those around you. Remember, even strangers make somebody smile!

Mind and soul.

2009-02-22T17:04:00.000-08:00

That is my own little twist on an obvious classic. For our Oscar celebration, I prepared homemade hamburgers with cheddar cheese, bleu cheese and a dash of crushed red pepper (yes I like heat). Not to leave anything typical, I dressed up some regular bread and shaped them to help make my burgers gourmet (or appear to be)!

This post is very different than my last post, because I am literally sitting here with the post open, writing whatever comes to my mind at the time. Sorry if this seems extremely pointless and random.

Today was a very relaxed day; after a late night out, it was much needed. I spent the day, thus far, cooking and eating--and, of course, watching the Oscars. As I watch them on TV, it is pretty cool to be able to look off of my balcony and see some of the commotion (especially the Goodyear blimp that does all of the aerial filming). After the Oscar's, I plan to hit the gym and work off some of this weekend's damage.

I was reading some of my very old poetry today and came across one that represents my current mood.

Comfort In A Friend.

The music in the background.
The feeling of the wind.
The comfort of our conversation.
The comfort in a friend.

I know this poem is extremely simple, but the tone is exactly how I feel now. With an overcast sky, a slight breeze and an open schedule, my mind and soul are as relaxed as ever. Truth be told, it is 5:24 and I am still in my cozy pajama pants. All I have the desire to do is catch up with my friends and watch TV. So far, my wishes have come true. As day turns to night, I am going to make some of my favorite coffee, wrap up in a blanket and watch my girlfriend, Anne Hathaway, win all night (I hope so). If anyone is feeling as relaxed as I am, feel free to contact me via e-mail for a nice chat. NickJames18@aol.com is the address, you know how to do the rest!

"Love is unconditional, timeless and ageless; and a really special gift to be treasured."
-Goldie Haun

I'll find that again, won't I?

I'm all tapped out right now. Have a great night everyone...I hope you are as relaxed as I am.

Conflicting with my desire.

2009-02-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

Today has been a day that I earned the greatest amount of wisdom that I've come across in quite a bit of time. My roommate, a digital film student, held auditions. These auditions were both fun and informative. As a performer, I've stood on the side of a table where I was judged and assessed. Today, as the casting director, I was on the side of the table where I assessed and determined. This wasn't a power gain for me, rather an ability to "walk a mile in the casting directors shoes." It was so beneficial to gain insight as to what the employers I so often pursue are looking for. I was able to see the passion and desire of the actors as they poured their heart out into the characters. I offered each actor a smile and an assurance of my understanding--encouraging them to kick back and relax. I feel so much more informed as to how to conduct a proper audition. To apply this to life, I've learned how crucial it is to walk a mile in someone elses shoes. You can learn, not only about the individual, but about how you are perceived; ultimately making you a more informed person. It was somewhat like looking in the mirror. I encourage everyone to go on the other side of the table and pay attention to how it is you could possibly be viewed.

Take that advise, because as I am learning--all of life is a huge casting call. People meet you, they determine your personality type and capabilities; then you get placed into certain stereotypes--roles, if you will. I don't condone this type of person placement, but I do realize it happens. The life is our stage--what character will you play?

As much as I enjoyed being on that side of the table, it boosted my eagerness to jump back on the other. It is so much more fulfilling to work hard and impress than to judge the impression of others. This has taught me that acting in student films isn't a bad thing, rather, extremely important in the development in many crucial skills. I am definetly going to sign up for some auditions as soon as possible!

Today marked our third weekly pancake breakfast, but I raised the bar this morning. We worked hard today, so I wanted to make a true breakfast for a champion. Look and get hungry.

This morning on the breakfast menu was as follows:

Pancakes served with roasted almonds and a banana compote, maple sausage (an organic brand of sausage), and a delicious egg quiche! I was impressed with myself, I must say--especially since work let out at around 2:30AM. My co-workers were really happy and we got through the auditions with great force.

Today the sky is overcast, the weather is gloomy--and it is conflicting with my desire to be inspired today. The past three days, I must admit, I have not been in the greatest of moods and it is affecting the way I am treating my friends. I need to step out of this funk.

As I selfishly go about in a funk, I must return a mention from an individual who knows what it means to live. An individual who can rightfully look at me and hate me for being in a funk. I think she is such a remarkable and positive individual who has had her life tested, yet she remains positive. Audrey, you are great and so is your story.

With such a mention, I couldn't help but choose now to introduce my first ever blog award that I created. The title of the award is The Onward Award. Those who receive it will have inspired individuals to move society forward with positivity, perseverence, and an honest heart.

I want to award three bloggers with the first ever award. The individuals I choose are the following.

Stage 3! Who, me? -When life handed her a challenge, she chose to not let it define the person she has become. She has remained positive and has the ability to recognize the things that have gotten her through tough times.

Musings from the deep- Instantly upon entering her blog page, you get a sense of tranquility. She uses her own experience to point out truths of society.

Firing up the Canon- When things seemed the most difficult, she remained positive and made her situation better than ever. She chose not to sulk in her difficulties, but to make them into new adventures.

The Passionate Bookworm- She has accepted change and understands that life changes. Instead of fearing the change, she made her new experiences as rich as possible.

M.IV- Anyone who reads Clay's blog can instantly see he has an impact on people. With several dedicated followers, Clay's brilliant writing delivers a sense of emotion to each and every reader.

I am excited about the new winners and trust that they will help deliver this award to those who deserve it. I won't set an amount of people who need to receive this award, because I feel that they must truly deserve it! Congrats!

Everyone, take care today. Understand that in my world, you don't have to be any certain person to fit in. All characters are welcome, as long as they are portrayed with truth.

The good, the bad...the sad.

2009-02-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

This is going to sound absolutely nuts, but I will proceed anyway.

You don't know somebody until you know somebody. For the sake of protection, I am going to be very brief and shallow in my description. I've learned that you can go your entire life "knowing" somebody, appreciating everything about them and than it hits you......somewhere in this situation you realize the things you know are no longer relevant about this person. You've worked so hard to get to know them, that you stopped when you reached a certain point. We have to remember that getting to know someone is an ongoing process that takes genuine effort. Sorry to say, but sometimes the person you once knew turns into someone you are fine not knowing at all. Chalk it up to a "thanks for being there" sort of thing, because it is truly too heartbreaking to realize that you've been friends with a figment of the past.

I'm really sorry, that is probably the most negative thing I've said on here. We have all been in situations where we've been let down--my advice--stay strong.

I define a good friendship as a correspondence where effort meets honesty. Where nothing but the truth is said. After all, if two people can handle the truth, than they can handle eachother completely. Recently, a friend, a very good friend, brought something I was doing to my attention. She informed me of a habit I was falling into and I appreciate that she did so. She informed me that in the midst of my new experience, I was looking past the experiences of others. I am so glad she informed me of this, because it is the last habit I want to fall into. The entire conversation opened many eyes for me (more than two if I had them). First, it made me step back and realize the importance of including other people's experience into my conversations (which I generally do want to do). Second, it made me think about how good of friends her and I must be after she called me out. Lastly, I applied that realization to all of my friendships and the product is a guy working harder to appreciate everyone around him.

As I've said before, I've been working pretty hard on writing some truthful music. It hit me today in the midst of writing how ironic my entire song colletion is. I instantly write about love. While I've had my first taste of love, I didn't realize that it was so profound in my life that it consumes my entire creative being. It isn't that I write about love that is frustrating me, it is the fact that I neglect other factors of my life. I always go around claiming that love and romance isn't for me, but what if truthfully it is--maybe it is and I'm just scared of it. I let one bad experience...no, not bad experience...GREAT experience that ended ruin so many opportunties for me. Since dating Gina, I've not gone on one single date, I've not had a romantic aim and I've taken nothing seriously in terms of relationships. I've let so many opportunities pass me by, and I wonder why. I'm a young, decent looking guy, shouldn't I be celebrating my prime with experiences full of romance? I can write romance, speak romance, teach romance, but I can't do romance. I am totally aware of how young I am, but so much is learned from taking moments seriously with another person. I am frustrated with myself, because I know that if I worked harder towards it I could have a very special relationship. I need to let go of the moments of a perfect summer and a perfect relationship, and realize that there are more people out there for me to experience.

Tonight I was able to watch the Wynonna Judd concert. Although an interesting crowd rushed the venue, I really enjoyed her. She has the voice of lightening, a personality of gold, and a true passion for what she does. Her music takes listeners through a journey. As she performed songs from her new album, I was consumed in the lyrics and the styalized delivery. Who knew that I was so fond of Wynonna Judd. Of course, her classic "Grandpa" touched the hearts of me and everyone else in the joint.

The song instantly takes you back to some past time in your life where you just can't help but wonder "why?" I was instantly back several years ago to a living room with a Great Grandmother who taught me about the rosary everyday...a few years later, I was in a kitchen with a Great Grandma who taught me how to make Sugar Boys (sugar-covered fried dough) while waving her cane at me...a few more years later, I was wrapped in the hug of a Grandmother who taught the power of kindess, and not too long after that, I was at a kitchen table sipping coffee and singing "I'm forever blowing bubbles," with a Great Grandmother--all of these individuals have since passed, but their legacy lives on in my heart every single day. As I write this, I feel my heart opening up with sadness, but I am okay. I am okay, because I realize how blessed I was to have shared so much of my life with these fine ladies. They shared stories and experiences with me that I could never, ever forget. While being alive, they helped me grow so much and in losing them, although an awful feeling, they helped me grow up so much. It is true when they say that you never stop missing someone. I haven't stopped a single day. Everyday, I feel the same pain I felt the day that I lost some of the best people I ever knew. I can grasp the very emotion I felt and weep instantly--as I trying not to right now. I just can't help but wonder if they knew how much of my love was aimed towards them. This is a poem I wrote in honor:

When your time's run short
And you have to go
Spread your wings
You're not alone
For we are here
By your side
To lift you up
And help you fly
God will show you love and truth
He will now take care of you
Like you did for the one's you love
Our angel on earth has flown above

(Copyright 2009)

That poem says it all...angel on earth. Each of those woman were nothing less than a God sent gift for me. I wanted to share how important they were, because I miss them very much right now.

I apologize if the tone of this blog was negative or depressing, but it shouldn't be. I take all that comes with my life--the good and the bad...and the sad. Everything has taught me something, and I am finding that learning is so much more than obtaining knowledge. It is obtaining knowledge and applying it to life. We only have one shot at living and I find it imperative to learn all I can. I want to leave it behind so that those who have learned from me have an, even better, experience.

I hope you all have a great day--Take care!

Sense of completion.

2009-02-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

I know I'm not a legitimate chef by any means, but I am passionate about creation. I consider cooking a key form of creation. This is a meal I created for my roommates.

Looks good, I know. I served BBQ ribs, with crushed red pepper and chipotle style Tabasco sauce. I made a pasta side dish and served it all with a fresh vegetable salad with homemade croutons.

With that being said, I am finding how much I truly love making things. Whether it be helping my roommate with his current movie production, or cooking dinner. There is something so satisfying about taking something from point "A" to "B." With my new life, I am constantly creating for myself; experience, life, funds, survival, etc. There is so much that goes into making something happen, that when it finally is completed a sense of completion overwhelms me. I never knew how much I liked working on different projects, but, truthfully, knowing how much I can do is really rewarding. As I create many different projects I hope you create something you are proud of.

Recently having received my first blog award, I've been drilling away at creating my own. It sounds like a simple task, however, I want this award to be really unique and hard to give out. As ideas bounce around in my head, I'll continue to read my favorite blog pages. I know I will find inspiration through these folks who teach me so much everyday.

I watched American Idol and was reminded as to how much I truly love performance. Not that I needed reminding, because it is on my mind every second of the day, but seeing it in action; all of the smiles on the performers faces, the guts out delivery of song, the precise and well rehearsed portrayal of the performer these individuals want to be are all so inspirational. As jealous as I am of these blessed, talented individuals I know I will light my stage one day.

I am currently in an uncomfortable situation where someone I consider a brother is slowly drifting from my life. This individual is too close to lose, but too far to understand. He, like me, does not enjoy talking on the phone, but we are both so far away I don't really see other options. I rely too much on his understanding of me to wait until the next time we are around each other. I consider this friendship to much like gold to keep it out of sight, out of mind. The fact of the matter is I feel down when I think that I take the friendship more seriously than he. We've shared too much to be this distant from one another. I'm not lost as to what needs to happen in this situation, I just needed to share that it is driving me nuts.

Recently, thanks to this blog, a new friend has come into my life. Although we are 3,000 miles away he has managed to impress me with every conversation we share. Talking to him makes me admire a fearless conversation. Both of us are profound and critical thinkers, and we aren't afraid to share that in verbal context. We can talk about a situation and one of us will be ranting off in such a poetic and demanding way. It hit me today when he made me feel like I was reading a blog when he talked. I love people who can understand, so thoroughly, what they feel and are able to execute it in a mature and stylistic manner. I am glad to have met this person and am excited to see what I take from him in the future.

Life is a big game of who we have and who we gain-- We are constantly balancing classic friendships with the new, ultimately forming our own social standards. Some of these people build up enough endurance to stay for a long time, but others run the race too fast, tiring themselves before the finish. Regardless the place in line, each of these people are running the same race. Be conscious as to who is around and learn from them, and enjoy their company while it last. As my close friend becomes distant, I will enjoy my new friend who grows near. I know in the end, both stand a great chance of finishing, but it isn't about the outcome--just the race that was run.

I am a full fledged busy body. I like to have several things going on at once, it is the best way I function. I often joke that if I could lead a life in both Los Angeles and Cleveland, I would. This morning as my phone rang at 7:00AM that statement became very valid. A talent agency that I was in contact with back East called me and offered me a pretty unique job. I spent plenty of time on the phone learning the logistics of it and I was pretty excited at the idea of flying home and gaining the experience. The final key to whether or not this could happen was if the flight would have allowed me to gain a profit.........I added the pause so we could all share a laugh--RIGHT! The flights are so expensive right now that I'm not sure I will ever afford going home (haha). The point of this story is that we are so often faced with situations where we have to choose and sacrifice things that we, otherwise, would kill for. I am a full fledged busy body and if I start jogging now, I could make it to Cleveland by March!

Today's Big Challenge.

2009-02-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

Today's post is a short story I wrote. This was the first story I have written, but felt like sharing it with you. It may not be great, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it.

Today’s Big Challenge.

Joey was an eleven year old and although he kept up with the age of his peers, it always seemed as though he was a few steps behind; more like a few feet. As everyone at school continued to grow, Joey seemed to stay the same. From grade to grade, Joey quickly became the shortest kid in all of his classes; even shorter than the girls. Everyone poked fun off of Joey day after day. They would shout at him, “hey Joey can you tie my shoes while your down there!” Laughter filled the room as the red rush of shame filled his face. Height wasn’t the only area Joey fell behind, actually, not even close to it. When Kevin, next door, got a new bike, Joey was still using his Dad’s old bike from when he was young. Kevin, next door, of course, made fun of Joey. After years of the similar scenario, Joey learned to grow numb against the negative words of others. If he were the trash can and their words the rubbish, he put a lid on and let their hatred pollute their own reputations. However, this survivor-like attitude is a lot easier to say than do. Joey saw it happen quickly. Kevin, the one man army, became a legion of young followers who loved the same antics as their beach blonde and blue-eyed leader. When Joey was minding his own business out in the driveway, they were ruining his time by throwing things and screaming false truths. Joey quickly grew smaller in more ways than just his height.

It was still the early weeks of school and the weather was still suitable for some after school fresh air. By four o’clock, most of the time, the kids of Royal Wood Acres rode their fancy bikes down the gravel road, by Mr. and Mrs. Delpot’s house, even though they were all afraid of the old couple. The sides of the rocky road were in surplus of dandelions and the little thorny plants that they all referred to has crab leaves. Rough terrain aside, they would all meet up. The girls would all stand around and gawk as they saw all the boys from class that they had crushes on. Quiet whispers of the daily gossip floated along the wind as though the mouths they fell from wanted to broadcast every little secret harvesting in the school hallways. Of course, no one was ever staring at Joey. Joey still showed up every day, even though no one was really all too fond of him. Joey would play games with everyone, but he would always be picked last. When his unlucky team needed him to pull through at the last minute, the sun seemed to strike a little brighter and blind Joey and the ball fell right through his reach. Needless to say, Joey had a lot of work to do to salvage his reputation.

Down the road further, was Dales Hill. Down Dales Hill was the neighborhood monster. They called it just that; Monster Tree. Monster Tree was a tall and rigid tree that seemed built just for climbing. Pretty much all of the “cool kids” have conquered the climb at some point, thus the reason they are considered the popular kids. Once someone reached the top, one of the little girls from their class suddenly formed a crush on him. Joey tried to climb the tree. His naturally small size and weak body prevented him from getting past the second branch. He’d almost get there every try and fall, usually skimming his knee. This time as tears filled his eyes, he would fight off the emotion and ride home as quick as his old 1-gear would allow. He cried; not because of the bloody knees or inadequate bike, but because of the laughter that haunted him every time he just tried to fit in.

Joey’s dad was a business man and he always seemed a little too busy to pay full attention to Joey. However, with enough hassling from his over protective wife, Joey’s dad’s schedule seemed to disappear with the slamming of his youngest son’s bedroom door. As he made the climb up the 13 stairs that separated him from an awkward conversation with his son, he thought about what could possibly have happened in an hour with his “friends.” Knock, Knock! The knock startled Joey and his tears started pouring a little quicker. “Go away,” Joey yelled as he was too embarrassed to be crying; after all, he was an eleven year old and that meant he was too old to cry according to his standards. Completely ignoring his son’s weak demands, Stephen opened the door and made way to the side of the bed, where Joey was buried in his safety net of blankets. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong,” he asked. No response, just heavy breathing and a clear and desperate effort to stop crying. His dad, hoping to grow absent in this situation, got up and headed for the door. “Wait,” Joey exclaimed. Like a rubber ball hitting a concrete block, Stephen was back on the side of the bed, eagerly awaiting the story.

“Dad,” he said, “why can’t I be like the other kids?” Extremely shocked and concerned, his dad stuttered, “What do you mean buddy? You fit in just fine? What makes you think you don’t?” “Everything, my grades, no girls have crushes on me (he blushed in shock that he actually revealed this to his father), all the kids say that I am a midget and think I am a loser because I cannot climb Monster Tree, Joey said” Stephen, almost heartbroken for his ignorance to his son’s situation wrapped his son up in a concerned stare and said, “Your size means nothing and you are just as good as everyone else, don’t let me hear you sell yourself short again.” Joey’s bloody knees almost seemed highlighted at this point as Joey peeked to see how bad the cut was this time. Joey’s dad quickly realized that climbing that tree meant more than climbing a tree to Joey, and apparently all the other kids in the neighborhood too. At a loss for words, Stephen provided a cliché for his son, but had a plan of action to make it worthwhile advice. “Joe, listen, you can climb that tree. You just need a little bit of practice, what do you say, I’ll take you to that tree and make sure you get a hang of climbing?” Half-shocked at his dad’s willingness, Joey dried his face and sat up in agreement.

As Joey and his father walked down the familiar path to his usual embarrassment, they shared, for the first time, small talk. Stephen never knew his son’s favorite color was blue or that he really liked to read. As they approached monster tree, Stephen looked a little bit confused- it was a lot smaller than he imagined. Of course, it was enormous to Joey who immediately was swarmed with anxiety at the sight of the tree. Stephen shouted to Joey, who was walking ahead of him, “You got this buddy, let me see you try.” Joey picked up his pace and started to climb the tree. He got to his usual checkpoint and he slid right down. Stephen was there to catch him. Through his observations Stephen had a list of what his son could do better and wasn’t short of advice while telling Joey. “Focus more; slow down, reach just a little further and you’ll get it.” Joey took all this advice, happily, and started climbing. Up, up…and he reached a new level of the tree. In his excitement Joey lost balance and slid to the bottom of the trunk. “It worked, Joey shouted!” Stephen satisfied with the progress he produced, gave his son a sign of approval and encouraged him to continue trying. Each time Joey tried, he climbed higher and higher. He felt that he was ready to prove his abilities to his classmates and tomorrow was the day.

He woke up a little bit earlier today. The sun was shining and the heat grabbed for him through the window. For the first time he realized how the light blue curtains flowing in the breeze looked like the clouds he would reach for today. The butterflies seemed as though they were fluttering around, making his finger tips wiggle about. He paid no mind to what he put on, as long as he could move about freely, he knew he was suited up to go. The denim shorts bunched up on his floor quickly became the uniform he would wear to feat this journey. Faded grass stains acted as proof of many previous attempts. Faded grass stains and wounded spirits would act as no weight today. Today was going to be the day. He was going to reach the top, regardless of what the other kids would say. Today, he would not let the fact that he was a wee bit shorter than everyone else stop him. Sure, he may get scrutinized, made fun of, but he wouldn’t let the words of other people shorten his reach. He would climb, flowing, like a river that isn’t burdened by any stone. Nope, “Today I am going to get to the top,” he said with so much confidence as he headed towards today’s big challenge. He was going to climb the locally famous tree on Dales Hill.

Each class went by very slow today, slower than usual. Although Joey felt like he knew everything, his grades would, as always, suggest otherwise. However, none of that mattered today. Joey did not wake up this morning and say “I am going to overcome my scholarly hardships.” He woke up knowing that he was going to prove himself to his peers. The final bell rang and Joey ran out into the school parking lot searching for his mom’s SUV. He ran to it, hopped in and encouraged her to drive a little bit faster today. As she pulled into the driveway, Joey opened his door before the car even seemed to stop. He hopped on his bike and headed for Dales Hill. Kevin and his friends were already there, armed with insults and brutality towards Joey. Joey didn’t care; he was going to drop their jaws today. When one of his classmates called upon him to climb the tree, Joey approached it, both nervously and confidently. Now was the time.

As the rigid bark of the tree first touched Joey’s skin, a rush of adrenaline surpassed the knots in his stomach. He gripped the first branch as tightly as he could, knowing that he had to get past it. Joey used his entire mite and climbed that tree. At the time in which Joey passed his usual drop spot, the mutters of mockery silenced at the fact that Joey got as far as he did. Out of breath, Joey solidified his spot and caught his breath. Kevin, annoyed with his progress screamed “Hey look, he is stuck; he’ll never climb this tree. He is just a twerp.” Anger took over Joey and in the mood to prove him wrong he climbed higher and higher. He had about four more branches until he reached the top. One, two…stop. Joey had to catch his breath and stomach, yet again. As he reached for the next branch something went wrong. Joey missed his target and slipped a little. In his ultimate journey to defeat, one ounce of fear ruined what he had built up and Joey quickly wanted down from the tree. Rather than falling and injuring himself as usual, Joey regressed down the tree, branch by branch. Humiliation stung Joey as much as the splinters in his hand, but he wouldn’t let it show. When he got back down to the ground, Joey didn’t do what he usually did. No tears, no emotions, he hopped on his bike and road home.

Something hit Joey when he hit the soil this time. He didn’t see himself as a failure; quite honestly, he was too excited about how high he got this time. He was more concerned with running home to tell his Dad, than to feel sorry for himself. The lesson here is that although Joey didn’t reach the top, he practiced and made improvements. Also, he was proud of himself so it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Life isn’t about reaching the same points as everyone else; rather, it is about reaching your own destinations and finding beauty in those surroundings. Today’s big challenge was not overcome, but challenges down the road have become much easier for Joey now that he learned all of this.

**Picture credit goes to: http://www.seeya-downtheroad.com/2004/GiantTreeUpward.jpg

The award goes to.

2009-02-18T19:25:00.001-08:00

The Passionate Book Worm, a great friend and a wise writer, awarded me some very 'prestigious' awards. I suggest you visit her blog to gain some great insight. I was lucky and proud to accept the following awards:

Proper etiquette suggest that I award my favorite bloggers as well. I award the same 3 awards to the following bloggers:

- Firing up the Canon
- Queenet
- M.IV
- Living Happily and Healthfully
- Practically Nonsense
- Musings From The Deep **My computer is being goofy, I will add links ASAP!
- Finding My Wings In Life
- End Part 1 of life...New Beginnings
- Decided Artist
- An Explorers View of Life

Congratulations to the new award winners. For those of you who do not know, I was taught, that the winners of awards are to award these awards to 10 of their favorite blogs. Also, show off your hard work by adding these awards to your blog. Simply save the award to your computer, add the photo gadget to your blog (for each award) and post the award. I am honored to have been recognized and proud to pass along the award.

Join me enjoying a glass half full.

2009-02-17T01:59:00.001-08:00

I once said that it is important to be an individual and pave your own way because if you are following in someone else's path it only means that they are already ahead of you, or they have already reached the destination. In the grand scheme of things I find the entity to getting to where you need to be is individuality. Life is like a dance where sometimes you lead and other times you are guided. The times where you lead, you guide yourself through life with impeccable motion. In being yourself, you create scenarios and situations that best suit your own personality. It is wonderful to go where other's have tested the waters, however, it is remarkable to sail your own sea. At the end of the day the only person we HAVE to know is ourselves. Through life's journey, never lose sight of who you are. If we allow ourselves to become societal molds, we lose the very thing that colors this world; individuality. I find uniqueness to be as intriguing as the solar system. It is dark and uncharted, however, we know that there is beauty in the stars. Be your own star in this giant place...at the end of the day it is the light we shine on others that makes us people to remember. As I shine my light on you, share yours with everyone!

A key character in my life's story is a man named Doug. I am lucky enough to have him in my life has an experienced informer. I confidently say that he is the hardest working and most rewarded individual I have come across. Sacrificing so much of himself, he built a life that he is proud of and a family that loves him. The wisdom he has given me over the years is priceless, yet it is one of the most treasured gifts I have. To share every bit of knowledge he has shared would require me to write a book to big for publishing. One of the bits of advice that he shared with me two years ago is quite simple, but I use it in everything I do. The advice is as follows...expect nothing. So simple, yet so beneficial to everything I've gone through. Though this advice seems a bit negative, in context it is as enlightening as can be. Through life we are put into so many situations where we gain or lose so much. In these situations, we have pre-conceived ideas of what we will gain from the experience or what we want to gain from it. Doug tells me to enter these situations with no expectation. I wrapped this idea up by saying that if we expect nothing, we will always have more than we thought and never have less than we wanted. It is so crucial in life to let things pan out in their own terms. We can work hard and do our best to create a certain happy ending, however, we should not work to mold the happy ending. Life happens, simply stated. Life happens and there is nothing we can do but our best. As I give my best to everything I do, I hope you do as well...remember to expect nothing.

In my short time alive, I have taken my share of cranky days. Truthfully, I consider my old self pretty negative. I had the ability to look at anything and instantly decide what I didn't like about it. My youthfulness was demonstrated in a way I am disgustingly not proud of. I am so happy that somewhere along the line I found peace with almost everything in this world. I'm not saying I don't dislike some stuff, but I've learned that I am not important enough to have a say. Until I am an expert on a subject, I refuse to speak up on it. I have my ways and my beliefs, however, I don't use them as standards to preach to others. If we allow ourselves to complain about life we ultimately put ourselves in bad moods. If we spend all of our days in bad moods, our yesterday's will be nothing to look back on. I hope you will join me in enjoying a glass half full. Cheers to a more positive living experience.

I had a good conversation today about first dates. My friend and I debated whether or not first dates are the best. We both concluded that they are, however, we both have different ideals of what a first date includes. A cliche image of a first date is a romantic dinner, flowers, a movie after, and a nervously anticipated goodnight kiss. My opinion is that a first date should be the complete opposite. My ideal first date is spent doing something less intimate; hiking, bowling, bike riding, etc. I truthfully don't like introducing romance to a date until about the third. I feel that you have to dig a hole before you can fill it. I think that romance does not fit into a situation where no social foundation has been built. A successful relationship is one shared with your best friend. I was lucky enough to spend my first time in love with my best friend. I honestly believe that romantic success is earned when both parties share more than a beating heart.

I urge everyone, including myself, to be more involved in the happenings of the world. We can grow more involved by delving further into the logistics of our own personal interest. I do my best to read some news everyday. I won't lie and say I read everything, but I do read the things I am interested in. I try to focus my attention on news involving entertainment. To share my knowledge, I've added a scrolling news bar at the bottom of my blog that will offer you some entertainment and literary news. Whether or not you have an interest in these topics is your choice, but I hope you find something to grow knowledgeable of.

I said before in one of my post how fond I am of e-mailing. Being that a few new bloggers have been visiting my site, I will offer my e-mail address again. If anything I talk about strikes an interest or demands for further conversation, I would be happy to participate. Feel free to e-mail me at NickJames18@aol.com. Please include a subject line that involves the world blog. Please be nice and don't send me viruses or anything harmful, I just truly want to engage my readers more. I check my e-mail very frequently, so I am very excited to hear from you!

My declaration.

2009-02-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

I find no harm in someone feeling extreme pride for their own cultures, however, when that pride covers up one's human decency, I find it appalling. We as humans, especially in America, should embrace the gifts of diversity. Ethnocentrism is an attitude that blows my mind away. When one shines the light of their culture using a battery, it instantly becomes less appealing than one who allows natural light to show the glory of their lifestyle. Being out in Los Angeles, the melting pot of all melting pots, it is a harmful mindset that often leads to extremely ugly places. I consider all of us, not as cultures, but as humans who share this world; who share life. If we continue to allow separation occur, we hinder the world's ability to be a functional land of peace and harmony. Just as we can learn from other people, we can learn from other cultures. The fact of the matter is, we are not as different as we all think. As a wonderful Bette Midler song states...

"From a distance the world is blue and green, and the snow capped mountains white." -Bette Midler, From a Distance.

From a distance we are all alike.

Now is the time to take the views from afar and apply them to what is right under our noses.

Awhile back when I began this blog, it was simply an outlet for me to express my feelings. As time progresses, I am finding out that it is so much more of a blessing than that. I have 'met' some extremely enticing and intelligent people through this blog. I am enjoying learning all about these writers from all over the world. I enjoy being part of this blogging community and find genuine joy in keeping in touch with my fans. Thanks to a mention by a brilliant writer, my friend Clay, I met some really great people as of lately. If you are one of these people, thanks so much for sharing with me and I look forward to keeping in touch further.

In life the best way to learn is from experience. These experiences that teach us so much can be our very own, or the experience of another individual. I believe that our main function on earth is to figure things out and share the knowledge. By doing so, we create a world of critical thinking and unique ideas. I enjoy learning about these different thought processes and views, perhaps the root of my return visits to many blogs. When dealing with your lives, remember the experience you build for yourself and those you come into contact with. I enjoy sharing my experiences so much.

In my opinion, one of life's finer gifts is intuition. I think it is so remarkable, that we can think beyond what is presented. I believe that moments in which we intuit, we find more progression and satisfaction then truths we are handed. So often in life, we rest on moments of assurance. It is so much easier to go down the path with signs guiding your way, but I find it is the path with no direction that takes you to a better place. As we walk down the mysterious path, we use our intuition and guts to get us through the obstacles. The burdens that are unexpected are the hardships that teach us the most about the daily "when push comes to shove." Embraces the moments you weren't expecting and appreciate the personal gain you receive from them. As you cruise through the passages in life, I encourage you to find the path less traveled.

These ideas remind me of a concept I presented in a class one time. Essentially I theorized that although we are all living our own stories, from a distance we all compile to build one large story. With shocking beginnings, sometimes happy, sometimes sad endings. No matter what, a story. One worth opening your eyes for and reading.

Isn’t it funny how love can break right through that rib cage that protects us? Well consider it a good thing. Anytime that we can feel something is a good time. All too often we form jaded ideas in terms of relationships because of a few bad experiences. There's no face more sincere than one washed in tears. I love that idea by William Shakespeare. When we are born, we are completely vulnerable to everything; Illness, habits, our surroundings, other’s opinions, essentially everything. When we are born we are innocent. Sometime in the process of growing up we form this hard shell of standards and false strength. So anytime my face is washed by tears, I feel like a baby again and that is a great reminder of my vulnerability and innocence. We all need to manage the fact of acceptance. We need to accept that no matter how hard you fight and want someone in your life they will if they want to leave; they will and they were supposed to. Our futures are unpredictable but reasonable. If someone doesn’t make it to your future then so be it. Wish them the best and continue to do what is best for you. Never let someone become so much of yourself that you lose yourself if you lose them. Love is a chance, not a guarantee…embrace what comes but never fight for what leaves.

A lesson I teach that I need to learn.

Along with the simple task of living, we are also responsible for our social abilities. This includes meeting people, making friends, and most importantly keeping healthy friendships. Sometimes these friendships are easy, but unfortunately, often times, they are hard. Friendships are a give and take human correspondence. It is crucial to offer to your friends, kindness and care. By doing so you create vitality in your friendship, but if you lack the ability to provide to your friends, you will eventually have a hollow friendship that will not be able to withstand the pressures of life. Learning from this, very personally, as many of us have, I do my best to be a friend.

In my early stages of becoming an adult, I decided to write a declaration of how I would pursue life. I recently came across this contract with myself and decided I should share. This was my thought process over 3 years ago.

I am not afraid to walk away from what went wrong. I will move forward without looking back. I will make the most of what is in front of me, and I will not reach for what is no longer mine. I will learn from the footsteps behind me, but I will create many more ahead. I will take my chances and run along, but I will not miss a moment in my speed. I will not walk in circles. I will walk forward, with full force, as far as I can go. My dreams are ahead of me and I will pursue them with all of my heart and conviction. I will live fully and love freely. I will walk, stumble and fall, however, I will not be phased by my moments of struggle, rather enhanced by my strength to stand up and try again. I will never give up on myself.

My declaration of motion. Of perseverance. Of dedication. Of life

I am glad to know that for many years I have been myself. I find it a rare gift that at such a young age I learned who I was. As I am constantly growing more acquainted with me, I will never forget about everything I've learned.

As I seek my path, I wish you the best in finding your own. Along that path, meet new folks, learn from them, build experience, and, most importantly, meet yourself all over again. Life is what you make of it and I plan to make it the best it can be.

**Some points in this post were written at an earlier date, but stand as valid points I felt the need to share.**

More than we are and the most we can be.

2009-02-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

I heard a quote recently that I loved.

"I hope your organs fail you before your dreams do."

I believe that in order to make dreams come true, we have to meet fate half way. Chalk it up to hard work, but it is worth every moment of effort. At my new job, in just two weeks, I have caught the attention of my superiors. It is refreshing to know that going an extra mile can guide you through many more. I salute all of you who work extra hard and find reward in doing so.

A friend of mine shared the idea that good things should not be forced. While this a pretty cliche idea, it is a good point to recognize. Too often we get so wrapped up in what want that we lose sight of how we ever lived without it. I do believe that satisfaction comes from gain, intellectual or material, however, we cannot force our desires to come true. If a feat happens prematurely, it lacks the substance and foundation to be vital. I believe that in terms of what we want, we should focus in on patience and trust that what should happen will. As I patiently wait for my moment, I hope you find yours too.

I was more tired this morning due to a late night at work. I was happy to stay a little longer to enjoy the Fab Four, a Beatles tribute band. Being that the Beatles are one of my absolute favorite bands, I enjoyed serving fellow fans and singing along to the timeless tunes. More so, though, I enjoyed feeling like my father was with me. My Dad raised me to the music of the Beatles...I consider their music one of the strongest bonds we share. I remember being younger and going to a Beatles tribute band with my dad and winning tickets to see Paul McCartney. I believe that the memories we build act as the catalyst that forms passion for the rest of our lives. When we experience life to its fullest, we realize that with the right mentality, we can be more than we are and the most we can be.

Waking up this morning a little later than usual (9:30 A.M.)I felt the need to get things done before work tonight. I started by preparing dinner for tonight. I am making chicken breast, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, and a fresh veggie salad. I laugh when describing my cooking abilities. I consider myself the Sandra Lee of the food network. I don't make many things from scratch, but I create my own original meals with things around the kitchen; semi-homemade. I would love to taste some of my readers favorite foods, so please share a recipe with me!

Like I said before, I am getting back into song writing. I've pulled out a pile of lyrics that I've worked on over the past two years. I'm excited to further produce these songs. If given the opportunity, I am going to work on recording some of my music and face my fears of pursuing music. Being that we, for the most part, are writers, I would love to read some poetry of yours. Please share!

This world is full of so much natural beauty. As I am sitting here writing this blog, I looked outside to notice a rainbow shining bright as can be. The rainbow was as clear as can be from each end. I find this so fascinating. I love nature. I tried taking a picture of it, but my camera isn't picking it up too well.

I look forward to hearing back from you with some good recipes and creative writing. Have a fantastic day and thanks for reading.

Violets are blue...

2009-02-15T00:30:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day and any day is what you make of it. For those of us who are single and unhappy about it...we don't have to have a miserable day. We can celebrate all sorts of love. Love for friends, family, pets (that might be an odd date)...or, like me, love of food. The result of my VERY lonely Valentine's day was this:

This picture may not do my dinner justice, but I cooked a fillet with sauteed mushrooms and melted bleu cheese. I served it with seasoned corn on the cob and a salad with fresh mozzarella, cheddar, and carrots grated on top. If you notice, I am referring to my meal in single tense...yes I cooked a meal for one. I enjoyed my meal all alone, but it was fine. I happen to consider myself a fine date.

Writing that actually made me laugh. I would love to hear about my reader's Valentine's Day.

Roses are red...

2009-02-14T10:10:00.000-08:00

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Although I hate Valentine's day
I wish the best of love to you.

That is the extent of my celebrations today. Okay, I lied. This morning we (my roommates and I) celebrated our second weekly pancake breakfast. Being that it is a "special day" I added sausage and eggs to the menu to make it all the more "special." THAT is the end of my Valentine's day celebration.

If you think I am a monster for not enjoying Valentine's day, read this article I came across today in the LA Times.

Read this article!

Yikes! So I don't think I'll be attacking any couples that I see in passing, so I am not the most awful.

Not too much is going on today, just work at 6:00. Babyface, an R&B singer, will be putting on a special Valentine's day show. Love will be in the air, and I'll just enjoy that. Yesterday I determined that my seven year old cousin is my Valentine. She told me that, although she could, she won't beat me up...so I'm in the good.

In light spirits, I wish you the best of Valentine's Day.

Catch me.

2009-02-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

Early this morning, I went and read many of my past blog posts. I am shocked at how much I am willing to talk solely about myself. In the beginning it wasn't about that at all, but somewhere along the line I fell into the bad habit. I want to use Onward Bound as an apology to all of those who have had to read TOO MUCH about me. The goal of writing this blog was for those who read it to learn about me through my experiences, not through a tell-all tale of my every move. I will continue to write in my style (I write for my own satisfaction too), but I will work on writing about other things as well.

I won't go into details, because I shouldn't fall for the same tricks over again, but the lyrics to a certain song are ringing through my mind.

"There are certain people, you just keep coming back to.....you begin to wonder, could you find a better one compared to her now she's in question."
-The Fray, All At Once.

Valentine's season may have me in the spirit, but I can't help but think about falling in love for the first time. My first time was a great experience. Regardless if it be young love or not, it is an experience to live with. It is hard to fall when talking about love and it is harder to stand back up if the adventure ends. That's all.

Yesterday when my phone rang, I never knew how much my spirits could be warmed. Immediately upon answering I recognized a voice from my past that instantly put a smile on my face. Growing up, a few individuals acted as a staple of my development. At a young age, I feel I learned my social abilities from practicing on my parent's friends. Some of these people acted simply as a target of my social experimenting, but others grew into more than that. Yesterday's familiar voice grew into so much more than someone from the past. From a young age, her positive and caring energy acted as a magnet to my admiration. With a fun nickname like "Tricky Nicky," she always taught me so much. Although it has been a long time since we've talked, yesterday's 35 minute phone conversation, although unexpected, reminded me how much I care for her. I told her that time may pass between our conversations, but it never divides how much I think of her. Becky Moll helped me remember how important it is to have people you care about believe in you. She also reassures me that if ever I fall, there are a few special people that will be first in line to catch me.

I can't jinx myself here, but as promised I will tell you how my audition went. It went well! I won't say anymore, because I am truly not getting my hopes up, nor do I want to jinx my chances. All I will confirm is that I am in the running for the job. I will hear more early-mid March. Regardless what happens I am proud of how the audition went. Win or lose, in life, it is times of effort that teach us how strong we really are.

Late last year, I conducted an experiment on a social networking site. I asked all of my contacts to share random facts with me. I though by doing this I would, not only learn, I would get a better idea of who my friends are. In efforts to not talk just about myself, I am going to conduct the information again and post it to Onward Bound. I will obtain the random facts from the social networking site again, but I would love to hear from my readers too! Please share a random fact about anything!

Last night I was lucky enough to attend an LA King's game. I love going to sporting events and I get VERY into them. Unfortunately the King's lost the game, but they played well. As cool as the game was (not just because of the ice [yes I said it!]), the Staples Center was equally amazing. The arena is so nice and I felt lucky enough to enjoy it. Go Kings!

I have plenty to get done today before heading to work, so I will conclude here. I hope you have a fantastic and eventful (or relaxing) weekend.

Entirely different place.

2009-02-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

Something has been on my mind lately and it hit me how profound it really is. I'd imagine there is some variation of this situation in everyone's life, so I hope we can all relate. Isn't it amazing to think how different our lives could be if we could change just one person. We all have a story where someone held us back from something, or altered the way we could have done something. Or perhaps we didn't let that person alter our individuality, but we lose this person in result. For many of us, our lives would be in an entirely different place if that one person didn't act a certain way or think a certain thing. Now, I don't believe in changing people, they are the way they are for a reason, but it is interesting to think what we can accomplish if we simply change someone's mind. As we all enter and leave situations, be conscious to the results you alter by your actions. Inspire yourself to live with an open mind and simply live and let live. This is easier said than done I realize, but it is worth the effort.

Last night I went to the gym with a mission. I had a great run and bike session. I used several of the machines to work on upper body strength. I am currently putting my brain into a boot camp mode. I am going to eat healthier and work harder. There is a way I need to feel and I know that it is in my hands only. I know it is hard, but I am going to do my best to eat the least amount of fatty foods I can. While I'm sure this will raise worry, I am not harming myself in any way. I simply have an image I'd like to fulfill and know that my options are limited to hard work.

I'm excited to have looked further into my education. I will humble myself to admit that my parents and, well everyone were correct about the importance of a degree. Earning a degree has never not been in my goals, however, I pushed it to the wayside. Being out in the rough real world, I am learning how bad I want my broadcast/journalism degree. My options are the following:

A) Get accepted into a school here in California. I am interested in California State University- Long Beach
B) Look into schools in Phoenix, simply because Arizona is my favorite state.
C) Go back to Ohio and finish my educational career at Kent State University.

As far as what will happen, I have not an idea. I am thoroughly exploring all of my options, but I know that before I can progress I need the credentials to go with it. I think I've made my passion for writing and expressing pretty clear- unfortunately, though, I need a degree to prove that I am good enough.

Something else I've wanted to work on is making myself marketable. I don't mean this strictly in the entertainment industry (I feel I am pretty marketable there), but in the entire working world. I feel that versatility is as crucial as oxygen when wanting to have the upper hand. If we rely on a crutch (a single talent) we are technically handicapped. Some of us can walk a little faster with a cruth than others, but the truth remains that nobody on a crutch is as quick as they'd like to be. Academically, I consider myself talented in only one area: Writing. While I love being able to write well, I feel that I could do more. I've worked on a list of things I consider myself confident in and I am making it a daily adventure to add to the list. Whether I take unique classes, or attend seminars, I am going to be as well-rounded as I possibly can.

Along with my list of abilities, I am working my list of goals. Being that I've grown so fond of blogging, I want to take it to the next level. I think I would love to write a book. I've always had ideas floating around in my mind, but I want to put them onto paper. I'm not sure when or how I will start this process, but I think it is a journey I would gain satisfaction from. I don't care if this book ever see's a store shelf, it is just a declaration of my creative passions. When I further my thought process, I will be sure to let everyone know that the work is in progress.

As I focus on the people in my life, fitness and my goals I hope the same for you. I hope nobody is holding you back and that you are free to live the life you enjoy.

Our past is set in stone.

2009-02-11T11:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not a guardian angel, nor am I a hero of any sorts. I have a heart of gold and genuine intentions to make things better; those are my powers. In situations where the ones I love are in undeserving positions, I feel helpless that I don't have more to offer. Being a young guy in this world is great, but often leaves me feeling useless. I'm at a point where I am working on building myself rather than a fortune. I just hope those who I feel deserve it understand that if I had more than a shoulder to offer, the help would be theres for the taking. When push comes to shove each individual has the most power to better their situations, but as we all know love is a wonderful catalyst to bettering each day. At a time in my life where I have very little, I offer my love and compassion to anyone who would benefit from it.

As life moves forward, we lose and gain many contacts. This is a simple idea to swallow, except for when the contacts we lose used to be the most cherished of relationships. Just as easily as friendships can be broken, they can be regained. I was lucky enough to meet one of my best friends at age 5. Him and I have been through it all together, ultimately building an extremely unique bond. Over the years our paths divided and we ended up in two very different places. It was never easy knowing that we weren't the same two people we used to be, but the inevitable was that our interest changed. I never forgot about a single moment we shared, from vacations to growing up, but I feared that we were out of moments to build. Luckily, our bond was too strong to divide and we found a way to manage our friendship better. We went from completely losing touch to talking everyday. In a new peak of our friendship, I wish we were closer and able to spend time together, however, just catching up is good. As I catch up with my good friend, I urge my readers to make a few phone calls and re-connect with faces from the past. After all, the faces of the past are the only one's who can understand what you got you to the future.

Just as our friendships change constantly, so do we. As I am in a life altering situation I have made the promise to not forget who I was. I realize now that without our roots, growing is an impossible task. It is the nourishment of who we were that allows us to change into who we can become. Being that I am on a journey to become the best and most fulfilled person I can be, I find myself thinking about the past more than ever. I remember playing with my sibling's friends when I was too young to have my own, I remember going to work with my dad when I had nowhere to be, I remember crying when my mom would try leaving the house, because I had no one to be with, I remember earning my license and driving all over town, I remember graduating high school and having an aching heart because of the people I wouldn't see anymore. I remember the past because the only direction we can look and see something is backwards. Our futures are unlimited, but our past is set in stone.

Two days ago in Los Angeles, a high profile police chase took place. It lasted hours and involved a beautiful Bentley and the LAPD. As my roommate and I watched it on the news, we recognized the area the chase was taking place; RIGHT BY OUR APARTMENT! So we headed out to our balcony and started looking around. Sure enough, we looked up and there were many helicopters shining their lights above us. It was amazing...like the stars blew up and were shining out of control. As we watched the helicopters fly, we were able to see the chase on a highway that you can see from our apartment. As much as I'd rather there be no police chase, it was pretty neat to see. Unfortunately the driver of the Bentley ended the chase by ending his life.

Call me biased, but I do not like Valentines day. I dislike that love is considered so important around this time of year, when it should be constantly. I dislike all of the gush on TV. I most likely do not dislike it as much as I exclaim, but rather just dislike it because I don't celebrate it. I've had one good Valentine's day my entire life and that was last year. Although me and the girl no longer keep in touch, I will always remember the good times we've shared. There is something priceless about falling in love when you are young. No matter what happens between you and that person, you will always remember them. Despite what I should feel, I miss the fun and feeling of enjoying her company more than anyone's. That was last year, this is now and I don't like Valentine's day.

Tomorrow I have another Disney audition. This one shouldn't be too difficult, it is a character look-alike for the Disney Cruise. This may sound absurd that I just got to LA and I'm already trying to trek the sea, but it is a temporary contract. I've always wanted to go on a cruise ship, and what better way to experience that. I don't truly know what to expect for the audition, but I will go with the best of attitudes and charm the pants off of the judges! I'll keep you updated with the audition tomorrow.

I cannot catch up with time. Lately it seems to be flying faster than the wind. I feel like I have all of these plans and I can't complete them all by the week's end. I suppose we are all encouraged to cherish every second of our day's, because they come and go so quickly. As time continues to fly, I should go check more off of my "to do" list. For everyone back in Ohio, enjoy the beautiful weather I keep hearing about. To everyone, I wish you the best!

Simply.

2009-02-10T21:45:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been getting back into song writing. I'm not generally an overly cocky person, but I have to say I enjoy what I conduct in my head. Music is the root of my performance interest. I've been thinking pretty hard about pursuing music along with acting. Singing is my number one passion, regardless of who thinks I am talented or not. I'll work on getting something I wrote on my blog.

Today I applied for a job at this fantastic hotel, so I'll keep you updated with that.

With her second mention in my blog, Amber is becoming a good friend of mine. She reminds me that things don't have to be difficult. When we are together we SIMPLY have a good time. I appreciate her coming into my life. With her, and anybody, I enjoy conversation that is honest. No matter what I talk about with people, I feel that if the conversation is honest, it is beneficial.

Often in life we are left asking "why?" I can't go into specifics, but I want those who deserve it to be treated right. I want those who work hard and diligently to be rewarded with moving forward. I hate seeing the ones I love, and anybody who act completely strong all of the time be knocked down for no good reason.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to talk about today. That has been my motto all day. I didn't clean, I didn't cook dinner, and I'm not writing too much.

Experiencing it.

2009-02-09T12:54:00.001-08:00

In the land of glamour and fortune I am learning something that makes me cringe. The majority of society who have obtained monetary success grow unfortunately arrogant. I don't care who you are, self-entitlement is a severely ugly quality. Regardless where we stand on the ladder of this world, we are all equal. The homeless man on the corner, or the big shot executive in the VIP section at a club are all the same. I respect those who worked hard and grew successful, but I instantly look down on someone who feels they can have their way because of what they own. I feel that I am learning, more than ever, that one can shine a true light on themselves, not by what they have, but the character they build. I am so grateful to have learned this, because the power of humility is more vivid than ever. No matter where I go in life, middle class or upper, I will use my achievements to share happiness with everyone.

Living in a big city, I come across many, many homeless people. They stand around on every corner with the hopes that someone will find it in their hearts to lend money. 98% of the time, these people get passed up. I often feel guilty passing these people up, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have enough money to give every homeless person something. I know I could give some money to someone, but than I feel like it is unfair to not spread the wealth. Money aside, I find these individuals remarkable. While many people pass them up without a thought, I can't help but wonder where they have been. I refuse to believe that their entire life's have been spent sitting on a corner. A great Emerson Drive song says "I've had my moments, days in the sun." As I wonder about the past lives of these hopeful people, those lyrics ring through my head. I may not have money to spare, but I have a smile to share. Sometimes I feel like that is enough. Money has value, but kindness is priceless.

I can officially say I've lived in Los Angeles for over a month. It is amazing to think that this journey began that long ago. I enjoy looking back and seeing what I've experienced in such a short amount of time. I have kept in touch with my promise to not take a single day for granted. I am so grateful for every minute that I've experienced here. As much fun as the past month has been, there has been a huge sacrifice. I haven't seen my family or friends for a long time. As much as I enjoy building a new life here, I hate separating myself from the people I love. I miss my mom and dad very much. I've decided that no matter what, I will never be used to not sharing my life with them.

After rearranging my entire life, I find it more crucial than ever to find some sense of organization. I've made my task for the day to get to a level of organization where I am no longer living out of a suitcase. It seems very unsettling to me to do laundry and put all of my clothes back into a suitcase. I feel that I will have more of a sense of home here if I officially unpack. I am 50% done hanging up my clothes and sorting through my things, and I feel pretty satisfied with myself.

Staring out the window during my break from cleaning, I cannot help but be in awe when staring at the mountains. I know this sounds silly, but I feel like the mountains are closer to me than ever. Since being here, I've yet to see them so clearly. They appear light blue, but darker than the sky resting behind them. The snow on top adds the perfect variety of color...I am in awe. I find it to be a blessing that on the same patio, I can see a big city, a mountain range, palm trees, and residential areas. There is so much variety in this world and I am so grateful to be experiencing it.

Where I want to be.

2009-02-08T01:09:00.000-08:00

I worked tonight, and it was a blast. I am excited to work hard with this job.

Tonight is the big night. The Grammy awards are taking place, and you can feel it in the air. As I drove around downtown today, you could see preparation happening on every block. Camera crews, equipment vehicles, packed hotel lobby's consumed the area. Since I was little, I've enjoyed the Grammy awards. Although I won't be enjoying the ceremony, I will be working the after party at Club Nokia. I cannot wait to see all of the people dressed up and having a great time. Being around all of this only enhances my drive. I feel inspired to get to where I want to be, so one day I could be enjoying the Grammy's as a performer.

As far as the professional aspect of life goes, I really enjoy the process. I enjoy seeing ambition at its finest as workers strive to move up. Climbing the ladder of any company is a challenge, and I find it very fun to attempt the climb. As I continue to work hard, I cannot wait to see what opportunities arise.

I wish I had more time to write, but I have to work on making dinner before work. I cannot wait to share the stories of my first Grammy's night in Los Angeles! Take care everyone and enjoy the show if you are watching it on TV.

Slow moment.

2009-02-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

There it is folks, me in uniform. Tonight is my first night of work. Being that I don't know what to expect, I will wait until tomorrow to report back with details.

This morning was very fun to me. I woke up and decided that my roommates and I needed to have a pancake morning. So I fired up the stove and made a stack of pancakes. I can tell that it made everyone cheery, because, well, everyone was cheery! Being myself, I instantly headed to the gym after eating my share. I'm not sure if it is healthy on my bones to run everyday, but there is something one of a kind about running.

I believe that the most valuable lessons are learned from those we share life with. My Aunt Elaine used a metaphor that really inspired me. So all my credit goes to Aunt Elaine here, but this is my variation of the metaphor.

Life consists of many peaks and valleys and inevitably we have to experience both. Take with you the triumphs of the peaks; by doing so, the valleys will be much easier to travel.

More than ever, I am learning the value of patience. Upon revealing my stories to the many people who ask, I find that I describe my frustration with sitting around. Being that this frustration started two days upon arrival to Los Angeles, I will chalk it up to needing more patience. Like they say, Rome was not built in a day. As I continue to build my empire (so cheesy), I will appreciate the pace in which it all happens. Like I told a close friend today, growing up happens too fast. I will take my advice and not rush the process any more.

Sorry to be short, but I have a shift to cover! As I begin work tonight, I hope you enjoy a slow moment in life. I consider myself a busy body, therefore, I love the speed- for all of us who like to be busy, find moments that last a long time!

Who are we?

2009-02-07T01:42:00.001-08:00

In a society of conformity and ideals, who are we? Who are we, if the very people we share paths with close their minds to the different people we all can be? I cannot fathom living in a world with no color, nor a world with no individuality. As this world continues to turn event after event, I cannot appreciate the fact that people question another person's right to be who they choose to be. I find that it is the individuality of the world that keeps life interesting. I hope for everyone to open their minds and let others do as they please. If someone isn't hurting mankind, so be it. Putting definitions on others takes too much away from what this world is about. I choose to let everyone love who they want, look the way they want, build life...the way they want. I hope the same for myself; I don't want other's to control the person I can be.

As the economy declines, so does my, and many other's, bank accounts. Today I spent $100 like it was nothing. I had to buy groceries (I may stop eating) and pants for work tomorrow night. I truly feel that I do my darnedest to shop intelligently, but still the amount I spend is ridiculous. I am excited to start work tomorrow, so I can find balance in this purchasing frenzy.

Tonight, Ian and I went to the NOFX concert. The venue was fantastic; with it's rugged look, I couldn't help but feel that LA's Music Box (the venue) was a place of much history and character. On the way home, we drove by the Walt Disney Music Hall, a building that speaks for itself. The architectural design is so unbelievable that magic truly radiates from its walls.

I consider these venues to be a lot like our society. Both are so different, one classic and the other modern, but they share something remarkable: Music. Each of us are completely different from one another, but we all share something too: The right to live the life we imagine. I respect everyone's right to their pursuit, and I hope that respect is offered in return.

As I fight my eyes to stay open, I hope you find diversity in your days to come. I hope you live with an open mind and heart; I hope you find love in return.

The curious case of me.

2009-02-05T22:30:00.001-08:00

I am feeling quite nostalgic after seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button tonight. As you venture through the regressing life of Benjamin Button, you cannot help but find yourself consumed in the themes presented throughout the movie. Being that the film ran just under three hours, deciphering its entire meaning in one try is impossible, but a few key points stood out to me.

One quote that I promised I would share was the following: "It's not how well you play, but how well you feel about what you played." I think that this idea is so crucial to feeling fulfilled in all of life's endeavors. Someone once told me that I was not the best singer, dancer, or actor around and, therefore, would be wasting my time in pursuing show business. I am aware that I am not the most talented at what I do, but the feeling I get when I perform is one so profound. It is satisfying enough that day after day I feel that I climb mountains when I am performing, ultimately leading me to believe that I am meant to do so for a living. If ever you find yourself not feeling at the top of your game, remember that it isn't always about being on top, but appreciating the fact that you are well enough to play at all.

Another theme in the movie that I appreciated was that of having the strength to start over when things fall down. Too often we get tied up in the patterns of our lives, that when something changes we become dysfunctional. Take it from a real live gypsy who picked up and left, change is a good thing. After losing many people that I love, I learned that life can go on after loss; memories last forever and the lessons we learn from past experience and people help build a life worth experiencing.

A comical character in the movie was a man who worked on a tug boat starting at age 7. We learn about this character, as he describes the importance of individuality to Benjamin Button. He describes his life as a child, wanting to be an artist. When he told his father about this dream, he was scolded and reminded that he would take over the family trade of tug boating. Just as I began feeling sorry for this character, he ripped his shirt open revealing several tattoos all over his chest and stomach. We learned that the sailor drew all of the tattoos on himself, proving that he was an artist. He kept his true passion as close to himself as possible. This is so important to understand. In a world of material desire and financial climbs, it is important that we all keep true to our dreams. It is simple to obtain credentials to a "safe bet" career, but at the end of the day we have to do that in which we feel passionate about. Singing, dancing, and acting are about as unpromising as money growing on trees, but I find the need to do it anyway. I hope that everyone has a dream and, that in one way or another, you go after it.

Continuing on, the movie takes place at a nursing home. It is described, over and over again, how many people come and go. As each character passed away, we learned what Benjamin Button learned from that character. He describes in the movie how incredible it is that some people we know the least about leave the biggest imprint. I related to this extremely well. In my young 20 years, I've come across many, many different kinds of people. This sounds like nothing un-average, but the difference between myself and a lot of young people is that I genuinely listen. I genuinely listen to the homeless man who stands at the corner everyday, to Richard, the front desk attendant at my apartment complex, to the old folks at my late grandmother's nursing homes, to everyone I come across. There is a good chance that I can tell someone's story upon talking to them one time. I have a thirst for experience, whether mine or someone else's'. So whether you are a dear friend, or a faithful reader tell me something about yourself. My life is now The Curious Case of Nick James.

Without revealing too much about the movie, I will talk about the importance of sacrifice. Benjamin Button and his love interest face many circumstances in which sacrifice was the only solution, but they did so with all of their hearts; they knew that it was the best choice to make. Not only will I understand the meaning of sacrifice more, I will work on having the strength to sacrifice unselfishly.

As we all travel through our lives, growing older everyday, keep in mind that "you never know whats coming for ya." The biggest point portrayed in the fantastic story. Each day, we never know what is coming our way. For some it may be a triumph, for others it could be our last day on earth, for all,though, something is coming. Keep an open mind as fate plays part in our day's. Appreciate every moment you experience, both good and bad.

I began today the right way. I cleaned the apartment, applied for jobs, exercised, and ate a nutritional breakfast. I am proud to say that I ran 3 miles today, in under 30 minutes. I feel fantastic and cannot wait to do it again tomorrow.

As I enjoy each moment I experience in Los Angeles, I wish you all the best. I wish you vitality, health, and situations that build character.

Purpose.

2009-02-04T10:59:00.000-08:00

I spent this morning with butterflies in my stomach, as I am so excited to grow into a young adult. I have visions of the life I will lead including my friends, my entertainment, my love life, and how I will earn my living. Although I will continue living in the moment, I am extremely excited to live the future life I will.

The future aside, I will focus on the here and now. Lately I have struggled with the realization that for a long time I am going to be worthless out here. Anyone who has experienced LA knows that a functional life does not happen in day. I need to appreciate the time that I have, because if I choose to build a life here, it may not be so easy. Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I am a busy body. I like to be moving around and doing things all of the time. This works for and against me while I'm out here. During my free time (right now I have too much) I like to clean and cook. Cleaning is great, because my roommates genuinely appreciate coming home to a clean apartment. The cooking part is no good, because I am most likely eating a little more than I need to be. Today, for instance, I ate a baked potato, which I find completely out of line. I will work on being a little healthier. Along with eating healthier, I have decided to up my exercises agenda quite a bit.

As I struggle to find purpose in California, I will leave you with well wishes. I apologize for the shortness of this post, as well as the negative tone. I'm feeling very good, just very tired. I have a kitchen to clean and a bed to make. Tomorrow I will share exciting stories about Los Angeles.

My roommate decided that I should share this picture with you. Consider it live footage of me writing this blog. I hope you are smiling...about anything.

Move on, or keep on.

2009-02-03T22:31:00.001-08:00

Today started off right. I woke up at a decent hour and took care of things right from the get go. I had an excellent work out, I even ran an extra mile thanks to all the inspiration. After my run I headed back up to the apartment and spent a lot of time on my balcony. This sounds like a "who cares" sort of deal, but my balcony faces beautiful mountains. It sounds silly, but I always tell people that I use the mountains to keep myself humble. No matter how big I feel at any time, I look over at the mountains and remember that there are things so much bigger than me in this world.

Some exciting news for today is that a management company is interested in representing me. I'm still in the pre-stages of talking with them, but they seem to be excited to work with me. Proper management is KEY to obtaining a successful career, so I look forward to learning more about the company. Everyone's initial thought is that they are probably scamming me, but rest assure knowing that they are legitimate and they represent decently famous talent. As I learn more, I will share more. I will consider this the first major leap towards my dream career.

The moment we all have waited for will remain the moment we wait for. Although I was supposed to start work tonight, it didn't end up working out; the singer of the band became sick and cancelled the show I was working entirely. I hope he feels better, and look forward to starting work, now, on Saturday. Being that I was in work mode, I had energy that I had to burn, so my roommates and I decided to head to the movies.

This was a good trip to the movies, I saw plenty. Instantly upon walking in, I noticed a red carpet set up with actors all over it. They weren't big name actors, but they were enjoying the premier of their movie "Two Guys and a Dream." I've never heard of this movie or the actors, but I congratulate them nonetheless. It was fun watching average people enjoying the successes of the business. It reminded me that there is definitely a shot at becoming successful. I was feeling quite nostalgic walking in, so it was no surprise that I felt the urge to buy Goobers. The average reader won't understand why Goobers mean so much, but those who know my father will.

I realize I am still a young 20 year old, but something that no one can deny me of is the fact that I am growing up. With growing up I am noticing some changes in me that, quite frankly, scare me. Today I ordered Goobers at the movie theatre, because I wanted to feel closer to my father. I don't particularly enjoy this candy, nor did I feel I needed to spend $4.00 to buy it, but I wanted to feel like I did something like my dad. All my life he has been someone I've looked up to, and being so far away, Goobers at the movie theatre are a great representation of my pop. I wonder all of the time if he knows how much I hope to gain his respect. Along with scary facts of growing up is my sudden adaptation of a hypochondriac. The protagonist in tonight's movie suffered from a heart attack. While everyone else enjoyed the rise above the disease, my chest started to hurt. I started thinking about eating healthier and exercising (even more). I don't know if I am learning the quality of life more, or if I am just going crazy. Whatever the case, I feel panicked about my health all of the time. I am convinced that if I go get any test at the doctors office, I will have something. This condition hasn't consumed my brain yet, but it is stressful and I share full sympathy with anyone who suffers it. Tonight was a big reminder of how I get worked up over things. I need to learn to relax and be grateful for the health I have.

While thinking about what I would write about tonight, I decided to do a movie review. Tonight I saw "The Wrestler." Mickey Rourke delivered an emotionally strong performance as Randy the Ram, a popular wrestler from the 80's. He captured the emotion of moving forward in life and the experience of honing in on your passions. The audience felt "The Rams" pain as he suffered a heart attack, leading him to make the ultimate decision: Move on, or keep on.

Another theme presented in the movie was that of being a "one tricked pony." I am going to continue working hard to be anything but one dimensional. I will focus on several things I enjoy doing. As my heart beats, healthfully, in my chest I will take advantage of being alive and make the most of every single day.

Unfortunately, my phone is working at half capacity, leaving my picture function disabled. Although I will not be able to share pictures in my blog for awhile, I will continue to share my experiences in beautiful Los Angeles. As I head into a beautiful evening, I hope to leave you with health, hope, and appreciation for experience.

The moment we have all been waiting for.

2009-02-02T19:27:00.001-08:00

I feel like today was a good day. I woke up with a refreshed sense of hopefulness, and that inspired me to get things done. I started by wasting no time before I headed down to the gym. I had a decent run and a exercised sufficiently. Now all of this would have been something to chat about, had I not taken a few nibbles at a maple donut. I can't really define why, but I have had a sweet-tooth lately. I have had cravings for milkshakes and donuts. It may seem like I sit around and stuff my face all day, but I assure you I eat more healthily than not.

I decided to make dinner again today, but nothing quite as fancy- Baked Spaghetti, Karen Morton style. This dish usually leaves me pretty satisfied, but I didn't make it quite as well as I hoped. Like all things in life, practice makes perfect.

Something I urge everyone to spend time thinking about is if there are any loosely tied friendships that could be tightened by a little bit of hard work. I make this point with a specific person in mind. My friend Katie and I had an incredible friendship from the day we met. Somewhere from "A" to "Z" our friendship changed. This change was neither of our faults, but we simply slipped. Her and I have been talking lately and we are on a quick route of getting back. I appreciate Katie very much and am glad that she helped me tune in to the fact that friendships take work. If you want to see what about her leaves me so breathless, click on the link below.

Katie moves.

Just like cooking, getting it right with someone takes a little practice.

The moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived: I begin work tomorrow. I will be working customer service at the Club Nokia. Not only am I excited to have a purpose, but I am excited to learn something new. The club atmosphere is extremely fast paced, but I love the sound of music. I look forward to keeping everyone updated with my new journey.

As I've made it very clear, I think positive energy is one of the most profound methods in my life. I truly believe that positive energy changes the outcome of many situations. In my last post, we learned that I lost my apartment key and dropped my cell phone in the hot tub. Well, now is time for the update. Approximately 24 hours after submerging my phone, I attempted to turn it on and much to my surprise it did! Somehow my phone is working at full capacity, and if I'm not imagining things, it is doing everything a little more quickly! I am glad I chose to stay positive in this situation. After several days of hunting down my apartment key, it showed up! I had washed a pair of pants with the key in the pocket, and it was found in the dryer! My two frustrations have been solved, and I will credit positivity for that!

I send positive energy to all of you, my friends, and hope that any frustrations you may have solve themselves. I hope you tighten your friendships and appreciate something in all of your friends. I promise to have some pictures to share soon!

Happy with myself.

2009-01-31T21:52:00.000-08:00

It feels good to be back in health. I ran today,finally, after four days. I enjoyed sweating for reasons other than a 102 degree fever. Anyway, today was a good day. Ian and I made it our mission to eat somewhere unique to LA. Naturally we ended up at a Mexican joint that I couldn't pronounce, but the food was extremely good, or muy bueno. When Ian and I got back to the apartment we realized something that makes me feel pretty stupid; I lost the key to our apartment. Now, I am generally pretty organized- I don't lose things. After searching the apartment high and low it was very clear that the key, indeed, IS lost. I hope it doesn't cost too much money to replace, because this next story isn't so easily solved.

Being that today is the first day I feel healthy, I wanted to spend it down by the pool. I tied my bathing suit strings and headed down to the pool (see picture in earlier post) and soaked up the sun. As the sunset and I began to cool off, I thought "what better time to enjoy the hot tub." After an incredibly HOT 10 minutes I decided to head back up to the apartment. Without thinking I yanked my towel towards me, only tossing my cell phone right into the hot tub at the same tame. Now, I know this sounds completely reckless, but it was an honest mistake. With the key and the phone on my list of stupid things, I am starting to believe that I am losing part of my mind. I was happy with myself though, instead of having a complete breakdown, I stayed positive and am logically figuring out what to do. I looked it up and it will cost me $300.00 to replace, YIKES! As I work on "plan B" don't expect too many pictures in my upcoming posts.

With this new streak of bad luck and my slight home sickness, I've found comfort in something that totally neglects my health consciousness. I have completely found satisfaction in milkshakes. I will stop resorting to dairy products to make myself feel better, but it has been nice indulging (I'll continue to blame my flu).

As I sit here after a good run, I will make way to the shower. I will end tonight with a bag of baby carrots and a good movie; back to my old ways. If you are a reader who normally calls me, don't, my phone is extremely relaxed after an afternoon in the jacuzzi. Now, I wish I was resting as much as my phone is, however, that is not the case. Feel free to e-mail me.

A chocolate milkshake.

2009-01-30T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty great day. It started off with an old friend and a new friend: The Bev's. Lucky for me, the Bev's went out of their way to meet me for breakfast this morning. It was a great boost of positive energy and good fun. I was feeling better this morning, and they only helped...not to mention the all you can eat pancakes! Mmm. I enjoy their spirit and hunger for life.

On my walk home today I took a different route home. I saw the Los Angeles Public Library and all of its landscaping. I was in awe, because it seemed as though the world was separate from everything else in LA. Here are the photos.

I'm a grouch today. I'm happy, but a grouch. I want a chocolate milkshake, an old friend (who has been an awful friend), and my parents.

Back to the days of innocence.

2009-01-29T20:52:00.001-08:00

Today I woke up much more refreshed than the past four days have been. I still had a few symptoms, but they grew very small. With my new energy, I knew what I HAD to do: CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN. I had to disinfect the apartment. The last thing I wanted was for my roommates to catch any glimpse of my ailment. So I spent the morning with my Clorox disinfecting wipes wiping down everything I touched. I felt better and the apartment seemed better, and then my roommate walked in. I think my greeting was (humorously, of course) "Nick I am going to kill you." I instantly knew that I was too late with my disinfecting. Being that I've sailed the sea, I laid out a map of all my advice as to how to overcome this sickness. Rightfully so, he was a bit frustrated with me, but he took my advice and has been sleeping all day. I miss my last four days of constant sleeping (hence my lack of blogging).

You may be wondering where I am going with this story, so here is the punchline. As the sun set, my fever rose. I feel extremely better than yesterday, but I am no longer feeling GREAT. I think I took my health for granted, and wore my body out. I am confident that after one more night of medicine, I will conquer this beast.

Above the feeling lousy, and not being able to move, the thing I hate the MOST about being sick is how homeSICK it makes me. There is nothing like the memories of what your family does for you when you are feeling ill. I remember being little and having my dad stay home with me for a day. He would sit with me all day and watch TV and do whatever it took to make me feel better. I remember feeling almost 50% better just creeping down the stairs knowing that him and I would spend the day together. Then, my mom came home. She had every trick in the book to make me feel better. She would half-freeze ginger ale and feed it to me ona spoon. She would then let me lay my head on her lap and she would rub my head until I fell asleep. There is nothing like being little. So I've decided that I am not literally homesick, rather I am age sick. I miss being little, when mom and dad were the most comforting people in the world. This reminds me of a poem I wrote, back when I was little.

Little Boy
Back to the days of innocence, a child having fun.
When mommy was the one you loved, and your problem count was none.
Entertainment wasn't hard to find, just playing with your dad.
Now the only thing you share together, is remembering what you had.
When they were your best friends, who wanted nothing more,
than to see your smiling face, and a big hug at the door.
Hearts didn't break at the lack of love, but at the breaking of a toy.
Laughter came so easy, when I was a little boy.

Now, I realize how CHEESY that is, but I enjoy that the idea that I expressed many, many years ago is still relevant today.

Just as I took my health for granted today, I feel that I have taken my parents for granted my entire life.

Along with parents come delicious meals. I would love to have my mom's home cooked meals, any of them. Even the ones that I spent 20 years complaining about. If I had the funds, I would fly home right now and make a solid effort to show my parents how much I genuinely appreciate them. Clearly, I am in an emotional mood tonight.

Mom and Dad, I love you.

Now, my head is pounding, American Idol is over, and I am extremely tired. Apparently LA is so wild, that 9:00PM is a regular bed time.