Where to start.

Oh how I've missed you all. I couldn't even determine where to start to write how hectic things have been. Everything is going perfect. I have been working on a few projects that have tied up all of my freetime and my demand for hard work is higher than ever. I hope you are all doing great. If it makes you feel any better, I've been doing my best to stop in and read your blogs! Sorry again for my 10 days of no blogging--I will try to find time to write more! Take care. E-mail me with how you are doing! NickJames18@aol.com

Nick James!

Brief side of things.

Today was a hectic day, but it is was everything I want for myself. I got to live the life of an actor, a real actor. While sipping on my homemade latte (so actor-esque) I got ready for what may be one of the most thrilling days I’ve yet to meet. With two appointments and errands to tend to, I felt a thump with each tick of the clock. My first appointment was with an agency. I’m going to be on the brief side of things here, but I will tell you this. Your friend, Nick James, is a signed actor in California! I feel on cloud nine, even though I realize there is still a lot of work ahead of me. After that, I cruised around Hollywood in an attempt to finish up some errands before my 12:30 photo shoot. I finished tightening up some loose ends and felt the need for MORE coffee (I needed energy for my shoot). After leaving Starbucks, ( I headed to my photographer’s place. Him and I hit it off from the get go, making the shoot such a great time. By the end of my afternoon, I was a signed actor and had some really GREAT headshots. I’ll share them with you as soon as possible. The future is looking bright. Truth is, I couldn’t ask for a better life. I feel so proud of myself; I took a huge step by moving out to Los Angeles and all by myself I am actually doing what I came to do. That is a rare chance in life, a chance that I am so proud to have took. I’m extremely tired, because after my exciting day I had to get to the club. Goodnight my friends, thanks for your constant support.

Nick James

Everything I am going to end up learning.

I will start off with the first bit of exciting news. As we all know, history took place this year when Barack Obama was elected as the President of the United States. Regardless your empathy towards or opinions on politics, the making of history is inevitably happening. Earlier this week I was standing in the elevator of my apartment only to find a sign informing residents of the complete block of the roads surrounding our apartment. No specifics were offered, not a single clue. As two and two often create a simple equation, so did the answer as to why the roads were going to be closed. Barack Obama is paying a visit to Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. One of these areas includes the high school that sits right under the balcony of my apartment. I am thrilled at the thought of seeing the President’s motorcade and all of the commotion.

My schedule has continued to grow more jam packed, as well as the demand for my full efforts. Working eight hours a day is a very fortunate requirement bestowed upon me, however, I am exhausted. Luckily, however, the more I work, the more I am able to afford what I need to pursue my dreams. Tomorrow I will be auditioning for MTV’s dating show, Parental Control. Although it is not exactly the route I want to pursue, I know that the benefits of my presence are undeniable. Not only will I learn more about auditioning, I will be face to face with the casting directors of an extremely respected, professional network.

Friday is by far one of the most exciting adventures I’ve come across in Los Angeles. I am shooting my first set of professional headshots in two years. Not only am I shooting these headshots, I am lucky enough to be working with such an experienced photographer. After having a long conversation with him on the phone today, I realized that he cares more about getting me on the right track than he does making money. I also get to rest in the comfort that he is a close friend to someone I consider a close friend. He said that he has already placed several phone calls to highly respected agencies. Ladies and gentlemen, step one is only days away. The first legitimate step towards my dreams is going to happen and I could not be more thrilled.

Although I am working more, I still find my demand for money growing higher and higher. Realistically, I need to get myself in a position to afford my own place, a car, car insurance, gas and all of my extra expenses that allow me to live somewhat decently. While I am willing to sacrifice many of the amenities I am used to, I still feel stressed and unsure of how I will come close to accomplishing this. This month alone, I can think of $1,300 worth of absolutely necessary costs. It makes me panicked to think that I am running myself into such a steep hole and such a young age. If this isn’t a testament of my determination, I’m not exactly sure what is.

With Arizona only a few weeks away, I cannot help but feel anxious and excited to get out of the fast paced environment that is Los Angeles. Arizona is an oasis to me; ironically a very HOT oasis. When I am there, my stresses seem to fade and I am able to get in touch with myself again. Not to mention, “Aunt” Karen is my biggest cheerleader and always leaves me feeling capable of it all! It will be an interesting trip, as Ian, my roommate, will be joining me. The Morton’s were nice enough to open their doors, not only to me, to my roommates. BWI rejected the offer, but Ian is more than excited to see a new place.

Back to Los Angeles and the rest of this week. I somehow need to manage, on top of working 8 hours, getting a bank account set up, a haircut, a rent check, my photo shoot money and groceries. I type all of this with a smile on my face, because I know that this experience is going to help me grow up.

I touched base on this briefly, but I feel the need to chat about my new job. I LOVE IT! I work with an absolutely great team of folks at an absolutely great restaurant. I get a taste of everything I love about food establishments. I get to start the day off talking to customers and helping them decide what to eat. I get to move to the coffee station and make delicious blends of espresso, coffee, hot, frozen, and delicious specialty drinks (takes me back to my favorite job at the Octane Café, a coffee shot I worked at when I was 16). Around 12:00, the place is pouring with people while I expedite food, and taking care of customers. I seriously enjoy everything about the job, including everything I am going to end up learning. Hi, I’m Nick Belardo—welcome to Panera Bread.

Folks, as I take one giant step for myself, I hope you find yourself progressing towards wherever you want to be. Dreams happen and reality can be great. I wish you all the very, very best.

Take care pals,

Nick James

More with less.

It has been awhile since I’ve posted a detailed post. Perhaps I feel so busy, because I was so bored for so long; perhaps I am truly busy. Although I couldn’t wait for last week to end, it was a great experience. Working on my first film, with my first bit of legitimate equipment was a learning experience. I gained knowledge and friendships that I will appreciate always. I am excited, because we are planning a wrap party for the weeks to come.

With the end of one project, I am beginning a new one. I am going to begin pursuing my dreams for real. This Friday I am starting the journey with new headshots. Although I will be alone in the process, I am excited. I’ve been told that good headshots can really help your career. I got a call from MTV today; their casting department likes the way I look and has invited me to come out and audition for one of their reality shows. Although these shows are tacky, they act as great exposure. I will be meeting with them on Thursday for a screen test—wish me luck!

Money is still tight, but I am learning how to manage. I am simply learning to make more with less. I am lucky to have the jobs I have, but it will take time to build a solid foundation of income. I have many initial expenses that inhibit my ability to save.

St. Patrick’s Day is always a great day. It is a festive holiday where everyone seems to be cheerful. This morning, I went to LA’s parade with a few friends. After that, I headed back to the apartment and went straight to the pool. I was so blessed to have taken such a long nap outside today. Although I feel a little groggy, I am feeling quite rejuvenated. Not only is it St. Patty’s day, it is my late grandmother’s birthday and my parents anniversary. Today is a day to celebrate all around, and I am doing so thoroughly. How did you celebrate?

ME

I found something out today. I found out that sometimes the greatest moments in life are the ones created. As you read earlier, the past two weeks have been so busy and tiring for me; while I’ve enjoyed every moment, my knees were starting to ache and my energy was depleting. That was then, this is now: Sunday March 15th, today, has been a day of peaceful moments.

Take it from me, “ME” days are the most important ever. We all give so much to the world around us that it is important to take a day all for you. I chose today to be that day. I woke up at 9:00AM, a perfect time to wake up. I stayed in my PJ’s as I caught some entertainment on the tube over a cup of coffee and a bagel. As my roommates departed for the day, I headed into the shower. I took a long hot shower and just did plenty of thinking. I got dressed and headed for a walk through the city, on this sunny day. I stopped at GNC, where I bought myself my favorite vitamins. I then headed to the mall where I people watched and window shopped. I cut my outing short and headed home. Here I am now making up for lost time. If you noticed, I caught up and read/commented ALL of your blogs again. It means a lot to me to do that.

I am so entirely blessed to live the life I lead. I have the courage to try things, the support group to back me up and the will to survive, regardless the matter.
Sorry for another short post, but it is almost game time. Take care my friends!

Bag of nails.

I'm so sorry about not commenting on everyone's blog today. I read them, but here is my excuse. I'm only outlining this for my own interest; I want to read how busy I was.

Wednesday: Work 6:00PM-After Midnight.
Thursday: Wake up 8:00AM. Begin shooting BWI's film-8:00PM
Friday: Wake up 7:00AM. Day 2 of filming- 6:00PM. 6:30PM-1:30AM work. Walked home from work 3 miles.
Saturday: Wake up 7:00AM. Day 3 of filming-11:00AM. Work 11:30AM-2:00. Return back to filming for BWI's film. Work 7:30-after midnight.

Wow, wow, wow. That is a hectic schedule, especially considering that 90% of it requires me to be on my feet. Thankfully I am young, but I am extremely tired.

Again, sorry for my lack of comments and writing--I'm literally so tired I could sleep on a bag of nails.

I can't wait until Sunday, when I will sleep until my heart's consent.

Night everyone,

Nick James.

Booger

After a 2:00AM return from work at the club, last night, I found my brain pounding away, excited for the first day of filming for BWI’s film. This morning, March 12th, 2009, I woke up extremely early. With an apartment in need of cleaning, setup and preparation, BWI’s crew was up and ready. After fueling up on quite a few cups of morning brew, productivity was at the maximum. Our lead was the only actor required for today’s schedule and he did great. I will refer to him as A. Max. A. Max is a light hearted, guy’s guy who came to LA with a dream just like mine. His sense of humor made the 9 hour day more enjoyable. He and I discussed, and we are confident that a friendship will be present in the future. After picking up two car loads of expensive filming equipment, the apartment went from home to studio in one day. Camera’s attached to C-Stands hung about the ceilings of our bedrooms and living room, and extremely bright film lights made the place unbearably bright. We all joked about the feeling of being on a reality show—I, of course, was in my own form of heaven. Although I would pick performance every day, I am so happy to have seen this side of production. With two more days of filming, twelve hours each, I am sure I will have much more to learn. Unfortunately, I was invited to three auditions this Saturday. As of now, I may not be attending, for I have prior commitments. If BWI feels he can go on without me for a few hours, I will excitedly pursue these opportunities.

This Sunday, I will be going to live Karaoke with two of our actors. I am extremely excited; I have not sung my heart out in too long! I will take plenty of pictures and introduce you to my new friends.

As I told you earlier, I am extremely excited to be visiting Phoenix, next month, for Easter! Another trip may be on the itinerary for late March. Very good friends of mine, from the station I hosted for, are planning a trip to NYC. We have a co-worker there who has invited all of us to stay at her place, right in the heart of the city. My plan is to fly to NYC, meet up with my pals and drive back to Ohio to visit the family. Nothing has been booked, but I am excited at the thought of that entire trip.

Obviously lately, my ex somehow managed to snag my attention again, although she wasn’t even trying. She and I don’t speak, but I get to keep tabs on her through social networking sights. I don’t look to keep tabs on her, but this particular site broadcast pictures of her all over my page. I don’t’ want to delete her friendship, but I hate seeing her with her new found love.

Slowly moving on from her, again, I am starting to notice the heart of another girl in my life. My first year of high school was a time to remember, especially when Booger (her nickname) came into my life. We never dated, officially, but we both shared a great connection. Over the years, I’d like to say her and I have experienced many of life’s journeys; as friends and romantics. Although our road has been rocky, she is always the one standing there at the end of the day. I couldn’t even imagine my life, partially, without her in it. Should I just marry her? I’m only kidding, but, who knows, maybe one day. I got a letter from her today and she stole my heart with the following closing lines:

Will you plan a visit home? PLEASE! Until then, keep knocking ‘em dead in Cali baby.

As soon as I read her letter, I wanted to jump on a plane and fly home to her. She has a huge heart and I am so lucky to have held a spot in there for so long. I’m starting to realize that I’ve been looking too far for something great; she has been under my nose all along. Whether we are friends forever, or potential spouses, Booger is a great woman.

I am extremely tired. Last night started late, this morning started early and hasn’t stopped yet—I read all of your blogs today, thanks! I hope you enjoyed my comments, I know I enjoy all of yours.

Take care my great friends.

Nick James

Liquid Stitches

Liquid stitches, such an interesting product. As my finger types, quite stiffly, due to liquid stitches, I cannot help but wonder what holds our lives together. We know, from reading each other’s blogs and from observing our daily lives that we all hold it together until it falls apart. When our lives fall apart, where do the liquid stitches come from that hold it all together until we have the strength to do it again ourselves? I am learning to appreciate the times where I have the strength to hold it all together, because inevitably we lose strength and things break.

While BWI went to school today, I was lucky enough to spend time with DP, the guy filming for us. DP is one of those guys that walk into a room and instantly brightens the atmosphere. He has a personality of gold and a sense of humor of a champion. I was not bored once today. Being that the next few days will be absolutely crazy, DP and I went to the grocery store to buy dinner. The decision process was pretty simple, and here is the delicious dinner we got to enjoy; BWI and Ian, included.

We enjoyed marinated steaks, cheesy/steamed broccoli (organic broccoli and fresh grated cheese), homemade mashed potatoes and a delicious fresh salad to wrap it all together. Take a look!




Desert didn’t fall short either. I took a puff pastry and brushed it in a cream, egg base. I cut the pastry sheets into squares. At the center of each pastry, I put a dove chocolate. I baked to perfection, and served it with a dollop of whipped cream. Mmm, this meal was delicious to just look at, let alone eat. Enjoy!





Friday night I will be working at the club, so I’m excited to get back into “club mode.” I am really starting to enjoy the atmosphere and the folks I am getting to know. I position opened up for the company, and with the help of some friends, I hope to get another new job. I am excited to keep working hard at Panera, where I learned my new title is the catering coordinator. I am so excited for how things are going.

This Saturday, I will be attending two auditions. I will be auditioning for a theatre company’s musical production, as well as an agency dance program. I will be lucky enough to land either of these auditions. I am extremely excited, but will take the outcome with a positive attitude. Right after auditioning, I will be rushing home to help out with filming.

Speaking of which, the next couple of days will be extremely busy. We are wrapping up rehearsals for BWI’s film, and that means one thing; filming starts the day after. With a long rehearsal tomorrow, and 3 days of shooting (8 hours a day) following, it is important to get it all together, thus making the process as smooth as possible.

Although I am not a television junky, I have been addicted to three shows for the past two years. I ritually watch Grey’s Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters and, my guilty pleasure, Desperate Housewives. Each episode that I watch blows my mind. Not only am I thoroughly impressed with the caliber of acting on the shows, but the writing is incredibly stellar, too. If any readers watch any of these shows, I invite you to discuss with me regularly!

I am sacrificing a night at the gym to enjoy time with DP—we are going to watch some sort of comedy flick, it will be…comical. Folks, I wish you the best. If any time your situation becomes broken, I hope you find your liquid stitches. Remember, they aren’t too visible, but they hold things together nonetheless. I look forward to reading what you write and will head to your blog now! Take care.

Nick James

The sun has been shining.

Has anyone noticed, when reading other folk’s blogs, how cool it is to read about the weather all around the world? Just today, I read four bits on weather, and they were all different. I find that so interesting. We all share the same sky, sun and moon—but the weather is so different for all of us. While many are trudging through snow still, others are welcoming the new spring weather—or, in California, the sun has been shining brightly all along.

Along with the simple task of living, we are also responsible for our social abilities. This includes meeting people, making friends, and most importantly keeping healthy friendships. Sometimes these friendships are easy, but unfortunately, often times, they are hard. Friendships are a give and take human correspondence. It is crucial to offer to your friends, kindness and care. By doing so you create vitality in your friendship, but if you lack the ability to provide to your friends, you will eventually have a hollow friendship that will not be able to withstand the pressures of life. Learning from this, very personally, as many of us have, I do my best to be a friend.

Being away from home, I am learning something extremely important in terms of my friendships. As adulthood continues to approach my life, friendships and the way they work change. I don’t have to talk to my friend’s everyday to maintain a friendship. A mature friendship can pick up where it left off. I don’t need to know everything about my friends to have a great friendship—I only want to know what is important. No matter how strong the foundation of a friendship, folks change and so do friendships. Just because friends change does not mean they have to go away. Friendships are important, but as you grow older and start building your life, interests change. For all of my friends, regardless how I’ve changed, I am here for you. No matter what we’ve gone through, I am here for you. This includes you my blog pals!

BWI's rehearsal was great yesterday! Our actors are beyond talented and are extremely great people. I am confident in saying that I've made friends in this process. Our actress, who I will call String bean, is great. If I can't say I have a crush on her, I will say I wouldn't mind it! This Sunday she is taking me to band-a-oke. This is just like karaoke, but a band plays the music live. If you couldn't tell, I AM SO EXCITED. Her and I are also going to be hosting a mixer at her place, which I'm excited about. This entire process has been so fun and educational.

This Easter, I will be flying to Phoenix to spend some time with my second family, the Mortons. I wrote about them on my second or third day of blogging. I am so excited for many reasons.
A) I get to leave LA and experience a change of scenery.
B) I get to spend a holiday with the Mortons, whom are seriously family.
C) Phoenix is absolutely one of my favorite places in the world.
Although it will kill me to be away from my family on a holiday, I know I will have an enjoyable time.

On March 26th, I have a meeting with a management company. For those who don't know what exactly that is, I will explain. A manager is a person who helps kick start your career. They help you find an agent, auditions, and keep you on the right track in the business. There is no guarantee that I will get signed, but I plan on bringing my "A" game. As the date quickly approaches, I will keep you up-to-date with my preparation.

I wish that life could be like a TV show. What you are looking for miraculously shows up by the end of the episode. There is an audience to laugh at you…no matter how lame your joke is. Love is never a lost cause and there is always another character to love. You have fans that are rooting for you and script writers to make sure you never fail. The bad guy always loses and you, the good guy, always wins.

Okay friends, I am getting tired. Have a great night and, as usual, take care!

Nick James

Sunday kind of love.

I want a Sunday kind of love. Sunday’s make me so entirely relaxed. This Sunday, especially, has me feeling very happy. I woke up and prepared a perfect breakfast. I made the usual: Pancakes, sausage, turkey bacon, eggs, yogurt & banana parfaits, and, of course coffee. As usual, here is a little taste.




After breakfast I got cozy in my pajamas. I poured myself a cup of coffee and read my favorite blogs. As I was reading, it hit me…I read all of your blogs, everyday. As a testament to my enjoyment, I comment all of the blogs that I read. I hope you know how much I enjoy reading what you write. This brings me back to why I love Sunday’s so much. I can sit in my PJ’s and feel relaxed. I ran around all week and can finally feel content with sitting down. On other days, I live for the chase.

I live for the moments in life where hope chases reality. You can feel it in your gut. As reality tires, hope picks up its pace and life begins. Perhaps not begins, but is enhanced by the feeling of pursuit. The chase may end by one falling over the other, but at least the race was run.

With a new job beginning tomorrow, I am excited to continue running life's race.

Tonight our actors are coming over for rehearsal. This will be exciting, because our video director is flying in tonight and will be joining the process. I'm wrapped up in this project and am excited for each step of the process.

Today's post is going to be short, because I have to get to the gym before my day truly begins. Take care friends.

Nick James

Huge eye opener.

It is day two of painting, and luckily I’ve gotten away with my hands clean. Due to my job at the club, I’ve not been able to help out. However, I’ve been to Home Depot four times helping to pick out colors and materials. It is amazing how a place I’ve grown so familiar with is completely different simply because of the wall colors. It reminds me of my recently stated idea; it isn’t about changing locations, but changing perspectives. The apartment seems cozier, and the feeling of stability is settling in.

Something that I am not used from living in Cleveland is people standing outside of stores asking any passer-by if they had work. It is solid proof of the failing economy and huge eye opener as to how blessed I am to work.

I’ve finally obtained a fulltime job at Panera Bread in the area of marketing. I begin Monday and I am pretty excited. The logistics and job description will be explained to me Monday and I will share with you excitedly. I am truly blessed to have this opportunity considering my age and lack of degree. For all of us writers out there, WE ARE TALENTED. My writing ability was 50% the reason I’ve obtained this job. Hard work pays off—hopefully this job will too!

I have to say thank you to my blog friend Sheila. She recently honored me in her blog post "Just Killing Time." Sheila is a hard- working and proud mother. I’ve enjoyed her blog and think you all will too.

Thank you Audrey for this award! I will think about it and pass it on accordingly! Check out her new book blog too!



The weather in California isn’t in conjunction with my mood. With new opportunities on the horizon, I am feeling quite bright and cheery; the weather is cool and windy. My friends and family back in Ohio have enjoyed rubbing it in my face. I am happy they are feeling the warm weather, but my spirits are warm too!

As far as BWI’s film project, everything is going great. We have selected three talented actors. We have rehearsals all this weekend and week. Our videographer is flying in on Sunday night and preparing the apartment for the week of filming. I’m so excited for the next step to progress. I’ll be working hard on that, along with everything else.

I am very happy to have gone from bored to busy. I will now be working Monday-Friday during the day at Panera Bread, Thursday-Saturday (sometime Sunday) nights at the club! Things are looking up and I am ready to work hard. As we all continue through our pursuit, I hope you find opportunities to be excited and to try new things. Take care, friends.

Nick James

The Things You Deserve.

I will share a conversation I had today that is absolutely worth note. My roommate, who I will refer to as BWI, handled my current situation as follows.

NJ- Hey BWI, I think I am going to move back to Cleveland.

BWI- Uh, why?

NJ- Things just aren’t working out here, it isn’t logical for me to stay.

BWI- Ha, I knew you’d eventually prove me right.

NJ- Huh?

BWI- Nick, shut up with your failure attitude. You are starting Monday at my work (he runs a restaurant) and you are going to make it happen. Don’t be another failure.

NJ- BWI, thank you.

Apparently my run here is followed by several people who want me to stay and believe I can make something of it. If that conversation wasn’t a kick in the butt, I don’t know what is!

Today was a simple day. Two fellows are in from Ohio visiting one of my roommates. While he was at work, I spent time cooking and working out with them. It is nice to see some outside, but familiar faces.

After that BWI and I went to the hardware store and Target to pick up some odds and ends for the apartment. I bought something that I’ve wanted for a little while being out here. I purchased a beautiful and shiny crock pot. How cool is that? I can now make so many more recipes and feed my roommates more economically. I am excited for tomorrow to come just so I can start!

As of lately, to make use of my free time, I’ve been working on some independent projects. Naturally writing seems to be the cornerstone to most of my mini-projects. Today I have been drafting out my own line of greeting cards. For obvious reasons I won’t share what I’ve written, but I can tell you a little bit about my concept. I want to call the line of cards “The Things You Deserve.” They are “cutesy” sing-song poems that portray love as a cheesy and giddy fairytale. With titles such as “1 Year, Dear!” and “Falling towards love,” I believe these cards will appeal to those who have a playful and fun romance. As far as pursuing this further, I’m not sure how, but it is really fun to write. I will keep you updated with my progression.

Obviously, I am a HUGE fan of American Idol. As a faithful follower and idol wannabe, I value my knowledge and experience with the show. This season, with its new format and new faces, has yet to blow my mind. I believe in the artist on the show, but I cannot fathom what goes through their mind guiding them to their song choices. There is an age limit on the show, obviously so the talent is somewhat young. I believe in ballots and soulful songs, but if an artist is young, I want to see them be young! I have my favorites, and am interested to see what comes from this season. Any thoughts from fellow fans?

Tomorrow BWI’s actors are coming for the official first read through as a decided cast. I’ve had so much fun experiencing the process and look forward to tomorrow. Not only are these individual talented, but they are downright stellar people. After a few weeks of practicing, our videographer will be flying in from Ohio and I get to experience a new part of the process! I’ll keep you updated with the project!

I talked to a fellow acting friend and we are getting lunch soon. He is setting me up with a fantastic photographer to shoot new headshots. I don’t’ know if you’ve ever had headshots, but talk about a great time. The day of the shoot is all about YOU! You get to look your best and feel like a star. The truth is, great headshots boost a career indefinitely.

That is all then, but here is to now. Goodnight my friends, take care!

Nick James

When the ball starts rolling.

You know those moments in life that pass you by and leave you with feeling that air has hit your lungs for the first time? Something that has bogged you down consistently, beating and bruising your ability to process thought and function emotionally, but as soon as it is resolved you feel as though winter’s snow has melted into a warm, sunny spring day. Those are the moments where perspective is learned. Those are the moments that take average endeavors and turn them into life altering revelations. They teach us that although our surroundings were shaded by natures course, beauty and comfort lie beneath, waiting for us to believe in their ability to return again. It is an incredible eye opener when a place you’ve rested so long turns out to have been the most breathtaking place you’ve never noticed. Perhaps true appreciation in certain location does not lie in what is clearly offered, rather in the joy you find after re-visiting. My soul had been re-visiting a certain place, and the folks I’ve met along the way are helping me to respect myself, with no regard to what others may think. The paramount retrieval is that I am courageous and brave for trying, and that I can return to where I came from with nobility, experience, and new perspective. My near future is in thought process, but whenever the ball starts its journey down the hill, I know I will take the ride with absolute respect for myself, and confidence that I am, no matter what direction, headed towards the right path to happiness

Sanguine friend.

Process; a word formally defined as a systematic series of actions directed towards some end. I am in my own personal process of fulfillment, just as we all are. In this process, I go through cycles of up’s and down’s. As my readers can assume, I’ve been in the down spin of this cycle, however, my mood has, yet again, changed.

Sitting over a tiny (I swear it’s tiny) bowl of Frosted Flakes, I experienced a conversation with a long time friend that helped put my own experience into perspective. Tonight, after our conversation, I’ve dubbed her and me as the sanguine friends. Both of us sharing similar goals, we are able to share the spark that we both believe will ignite our own personal fire of success. The following is a list and description of what I thought I saw compared to what she made me actually see.

1) In my hometown, I was a big fish in a little pond. Although I left the pond, I took that big fish mentality with me to an extremely large pond. This mentality, although confident, is a slow demolisher of mental stability. Tessa helped me realize that I was trying to go 60 before any other speed. I need to slow down and reevaluate my route.

2) I’ve learned that regardless of where I am, I’m constantly looking somewhere else, for something different. It isn’t where I am that is important, rather what I am doing in my surroundings. I am going to start making more of my time, whether or not I am content with where I am. Although the present is important, I will humbly do whatever it takes to pursue my desired future. In Los Angeles or at home…I will keep my eye on the dream and understand that everything from a-z is a chance to build a more solid foundation.

3) Tessa also helped me get a step closer to being over my insecurity of being out of college. Lately, I’ve felt completely trapped since leaving college. Tessa reminded me that I am intelligent, regardless of when I obtain my degree.

Although she has made me realize so much more, I am going to wrap up her teachings with this quote from her. Right when I let myself believe that this journey was going to be easy, Tessa reminded me of the hard work it will take. She summed it up perfectly like this

“…it sucks really, but I think that after a good amount of time with your/my nose to the grindstone in any situation whether it’s waiting tables, working the elevator, doing standup, being a Disney prince... we're going to be glad that no one handed us success”

Lately, I've lost touch with who I really am inside. Talking to Tessa, someone who knows me extremely well, I was introduced to my inner, ambitious and driven self.

If you are interested in reading some of her work, get to know Tessa as she makes complete sense in 'Practically Nonsense.'

Tessa's dream is to be a stand-up comedian, a position I know she can do with full force. I've been lucky enough to see several comedy shows in the past couple of weeks. It reminds me how much comedy and laughing can lift spirits. I allowed myself to dwell in my slow process, but now I am just going to keep laughing. Life is a rigid game we all have to play--we can either fall under the pressure, or laugh over every road bump. I am going to work hard to getting back to laughing.

My friends, as I slowly fall alseep right on my computer, I wish you the best. I wish you the best in laughter, in pursuit and in life. Thank you for all you have taught. Apparently, I need my friends more than I ever have. Take care!

Nick James

Stronger than ever.

In my last post I discussed my negative views on romance. I said romance sucks and called it pretentious. The responses I received pointed out some great points. One reader told me that romance is a factor in love, it is not love. I liked that point and it made me feel hopeful. The point of me bringing this up is not to get back on the topic, but to point out a funny, but ironic story. Here is what love brought for one couple.

Watch this video!

I feel myself being overwhelmed with apathy lately. I’m finding it a chore to return phone calls, I avoid conversation, I lack excitement, and I won’t allow my mind to process thought—rather I play music full blast and just listen. I live a great life, but my problem is anxiety. I cannot do the same thing for too long. Los Angeles is my dream town, but the life I am pursuing is unrealistic if some significant income isn’t a resource. I have an awful love/hate relationship with home. I know that I should go back to Ohio and get my degree, but I cannot get over the idea of being there again. I continue to have my friends and family ask me what is wrong, but I refuse to answer the question. I’ve avoided talking to anyone all day. This has nothing to do with being upset at anyone. The only person I am mad at is me. I fear going home to be viewed as a failure or a joke. I fear to go home with the feeling that I quit. A good friend, who I’ve ticked off, told me that me going home isn’t quitting, just building more of a foundation so I can come back stronger than ever. I agree with that, but why can’t I believe it?

I've typed four paragraphs and deleted them all. I'm clearly tapped out and not in the mood to write. Take care everyone.

Nick James

teaching....learning.

Today my roommate and I were driving home. We passed an American Idol sign, and the hilarity that followed was great. The following was my roommate’s reaction to the sign.

Roommate: Nick it’s an American Idol sign!

Nick: What a great show, I just love it.

Roommate: I’m going to hurry home so you can blog about it! Take a picture!

Nick: (half denying the truth in his statement) whatever!

Roommate: I’m Nick, living in LA. I’m going to be something and here is why! (Mocking my OB writing style).

Nick: (Laughs out of control, with tears running down his cheeks).

Although I was being mocked, I understand how funny this conversation was. I’m a natural born cheese ball. I can make something out of nothing and it often times is looked upon pretty awkwardly. Perhaps I don’t offer anything tangible in my blogs, but I just can’t help but to express something that excites me. I’m often called dramatic, girly, or crazy for allowing myself to get so excited. Truth is—I’m a happy guy. Things make me happy; big or small.

Today the sun was shining, and summer was in the air. This is such a treat, because in Ohio I’d still be getting used to the winter. A friend here in LA is in the process of moving, so I joined Ian in helping him move. It was a great time—a group of people working to help each other out. A driving force is so much more intense when multiple people are sharing a goal. Not to mention, it felt great to have a social life again. So great, that I agreed to eat out TWICE today. Not only is that completely out of my budget, but it is a ridiculous health choice. Oh well, I wouldn’t compromise forming friendships for petty things.

Romance sucks. I’m not good at it and I’m not willing to get better. I can determine how I feel, but I can’t convince myself to pursue it. Perfect people walk up to me, but I let them walk by. It is obnoxious, but the fact is…romance sucks. I’m not good at it and I’m not willing to get better (noted repetition). Romance will come for me in 20 years, when I am mentally able to handle it. There is so much to get done while I am young—I cannot let my desire for something so pretentious burden my potential. I had what I consider ideal, and now everything else seems to fall short. I’m 20; I’m young—why worry.

With so many of your posts to go read and think about, I am going to end mine short tonight. Some days are good for teaching, others are good for learning. Tonight, I will learn from you.

Take care and sorry for the lousy post,
Nick James.